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 Bipolar Disorder - what it's actually like

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PostSubject: Bipolar Disorder - what it's actually like   Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:06 pm

I probably should have posted this under "Mood Disorders" - because that's what it falls under, but I'll try to write a post on what it's actually like to live with Bipolar Disorder (Type 1 if you're curious).

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1 when I was 25.

It starts with me having a ton of extra energy & creative juices flowing. I realize not everyone with Bipolar has that creative streak, but I do. I might be found cleaning my normally controlled chaos house to a military white glove clean. Or I might be found starting 20 new projects that I won't finish. 20 is a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

Next thing I know, my thoughts will be racing so fast I can't keep up, and each will seem like a brilliant idea at the time, but in reality, many are bad ideas. My mind will make strange associations, such as a black crow meaning I am surely damned for some imagined wrong. I will spend money I do not have on things I do not need. I will crack jokes, laugh, smile, and be the life of the party. And that's right about the time the bottom drops out.

Within a week, my mood will have swung into a deep depression and I will see no worth in myself, my mind will count every wrong I have ever made, and I will have absolutely no redeeming qualities. I will see myself as fat, ugly, and stupid. Life will not seem like the joyous place it once was, and I will likely hate myself with an intensity while thinking if everyone else could see the real me, they would hate me too. I will not want to get out of bed, I will not feel like doing anything, and I will want to be left completely alone.

All of this has led to me finally agreeing to stay on medications and attend appointments with my psychiatrist as I should. It took a few years post-diagnosis for me to accept that I had this condition and that it would require lifelong treatment. It has taken quite a bit of therapy to get me to recognize that some of my behaviors are symptoms beyond my control. And I've learned to work *with* my disorder, rather than allowing it to control me. It has not been easy, but it's been well worth it, and if there is anyone out there struggling with getting off of the roller coaster, while I will not give any medical advice, I would have you know that there is hope and that it is possible to live with this disorder in a way that works for you.
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PostSubject: Re: Bipolar Disorder - what it's actually like   Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:14 pm

Thank you for this info. I was diagnosed as bipolar 2 when I was 17. I saw a therapist for a year and was out on medication for it in my teens, then I stopped taking them (I was on Paxil and Zoloft at different times, both made me sleep and had no affect on my mood). I still have highs and lows, get bursts of creativity and energy, can be extremely impulsive and have racing thoughts. My highs are amazing, like nothing can bring me down. My lows are horrible. I have anger issues and I'm on and off suicidal. Like you I've learned to "work with" it.
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PostSubject: Re: Bipolar Disorder - what it's actually like   Mon Jan 16, 2017 4:01 pm

My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed bipolar 2 years ago and we were fortunate enough to see the signs as I have lived through this numerous times. My wife, mother in law, her aunt, brother and grandmother were all manic/bipolar so you could say it kind of runs in the family. Through therapy and properly managed meds my baby girl manages to get through life as a "normal" well adjusted teenager. We still have some bad days but she is able to recognize what is going on and knows how to deal with her situation.

Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts...
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PostSubject: Re: Bipolar Disorder - what it's actually like   Wed Sep 20, 2017 7:47 pm

i don't even think you have a disorder. I have the same thing. It's called life. Ups and downs, highs and lows.

You're right about control though. When you're broke, it's easy to rob and steal but freedom is more important than anything, it's all about control.
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PostSubject: Re: Bipolar Disorder - what it's actually like   Mon Sep 25, 2017 10:16 pm

While I can appreciate the upd and downs of life, Bipolar comes with symptoms other than "ups and downs".
With the same diagnosis handed down by 3 seperated physicians, I think it's safe to trust their highly educated opinions.
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