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 What would've happened if...

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Yumeko-chan




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PostSubject: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:16 am

...I had died in the shooting?

Yeah, I'm deliriously tired, and have no idea why I'm thinking of this. Heck, it's something I try deliberately NOT to think about, because it's just depressing. But over the years, I've kept wondering how I was spared when everyone else within ten feet of me got shot? Was I seen? If not, then that's the easy answer, but if Eric DID see me, why did he spare me? To leave a witness? Because he recognized me as Joe's sister? I will never know this answer. Conversely, I wonder if, had he recognized me, would he have shot me anyway? How would life have been for my family afterwards? Things in the family had already been strained to the max due to my great-aunt Joanie's recent death from cancer and Dad's illness. Would Mom have had a total nervous breakdown years sooner than she did? Would Dad have lost the will to live? Would Joe have taken his life a lot sooner than he did out of guilt? How would my younger brother have felt? Would my niece and nephew still have been born?

My online friends would've thought it was terrible to lose somebody like that, then eventually move on; after all, I was just a screen name they talked to. My first fanfic would've ended having barely started; nobody would've ever known the trouble and adventures Yumeko would get up to; they'd look at what little of Next Gen was written and wonder "What if." The tape an online friend lent me would've never been returned. My husband, whose bagpipe band played at the memorial at Bowles Crossing, would've never met me; he would've only seen another name on the victims' list and not given another thought to it. Conspiracy theorists would be having a field day, wondering if there was meaning behind the TCM founder's sister getting killed. Schoolmates would be grieving over me, saying what a sweet and shy girl I was without any of them actually truly knowing me.

...

Yeah, I'm going to bed now.
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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:28 am

"Because he recognized me as Joe's sister?"

If he didn't see you, your being spared was a random act. If he did see you, then it was probably deliberate.

We're glad you're alive and I don't think anybody would have wanted you dead. As depressed as Columbine got him, Joe would have been worse off with his sister gone.



It would have changed the dynamics of the shooting though, as the Trench Coat Mafia would no longer have been turned into the media scapegoats they did.

I imagine E/D would have generated far less sympathy from some of their friends like Brooks Brown.

There's no need for survivor's guilt. You were spared because Joe was a nice guy to E/D. Had more people behaved like he did, maybe E/D wouldn't have done it. You have nothing to feel guilty over, it's the Evan Todds and Marjorie Lindholms of this world who should be experiencing guilt.
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RaiseTheFist




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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:29 am

I can't answer your question. Although I do think about how I'd feel if it had been my own brother/sister that had died in such a brutal way. But I have a question of my own. You don't have to answer this, of course...

How do feel, on this forum, when you read assholes like me defending Eric and Dylan?

Again, you don't have to answer.
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Yumeko-chan




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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:34 am

RaiseTheFist wrote:
I can't answer your question. Although I do think about how I'd feel if it had been my own brother/sister that had died in such a brutal way. But I have a question of my own. You don't have to answer this, of course...

How do feel, on this forum, when you read assholes like me defending Eric and Dylan?

Again, you don't have to answer.

Frankly I don't care anymore. As long as you don't go Westboro on me and praise what they did and say everyone deserved what they got.
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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:35 am

If Zesty hadn't deleted it, she did have a fairly epic reply on the first board to how she feels about all the Eric and Dylan worshippers out there who admire what they did. (and some of who fantasize or hope to do what they did- I don't know the exact figures, but it seems at least less than 1 in 2000 E/D fanatics ever do a shooting)
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tfsa47090
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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:43 am

I know that I don't know you at all, or anyone you know, but I do believe that if you had not lived through what happened that your loved ones would have been devastated. I agree with MnM; that your brother's existence would have been infinitely worse had he lost you, and I can not imagine how your parents would have coped. Seeing that there were already a lot of painful issues going on in your family prior to what happened, I do not think they would be able to cope with losing you. I am sure that it would have deeply affected everyone who really knew you, and probably others that you may have not realized cared for you so much.

I am sure you are right that your classmates and other students would say kind things about you and mourn you without having really known you. I am certain that your husband cannot imagine his life without you, and probably cannot bear imagining this scenario. While I do not "understand" how you feel, I can appreciate why you ponder things like this. As long as it helps you out somehow when you decide to do it, I think it is a very good thing for you to do.

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RaiseTheFist




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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:53 am

Yumeko-chan wrote:
RaiseTheFist wrote:
I can't answer your question. Although I do think about how I'd feel if it had been my own brother/sister that had died in such a brutal way. But I have a question of my own. You don't have to answer this, of course...

How do feel, on this forum, when you read assholes like me defending Eric and Dylan?

Again, you don't have to answer.

Frankly I don't care anymore. As long as you don't go Westboro on me and praise what they did and say everyone deserved what they got.

Personally, if this same thing happened in my community, I would believe we deserved it.
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Undyne




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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 11:30 am

MnM wrote:


There's no need for survivor's guilt. You were spared because Joe was a nice guy to E/D. Had more people behaved like he did, maybe E/D wouldn't have done it. You have nothing to feel guilty over, it's the Evan Todds and Marjorie Lindholms of this world who should be experiencing guilt.

Sigh. What did Lindholm do to Eric and Dylan that should make her feel guilt?
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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 11:57 am

Marjorie had wrote in her book that she saw Dylan bring harrased in the hallways and didn't do
Anything to stop it. So I think that's what MnM was referring too.
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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:01 pm

CatherineM813 wrote:
Marjorie had wrote in her book that she saw Dylan bring harrased in the hallways and didn't do
Anything to stop it. So I think that's what MnM was referring too.

Correct.

She never bullied Dylan but, she did see him get bullied and she refused to defend him or help him out in the slightest. She secretly felt bad for him and used that to make her feel good about herself.

SH, I don't know if you ever got bullied to the point of being suicidal but, I did.... And for me, I hated those popular kids who smiled, laughed and looked the other way when I got bullied. They could have helped me not want to murder myself but instead, they chose "not to get involved" and it made me hate them desperately.

Had Dylan seen Marjorie that day, I have no doubt he would have hated her and would have shot her. As a popular, pretty cheerleader, of course he knew who she was.


Last edited by MnM on Sun May 05, 2013 1:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:02 pm

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Btw, Yumeko, I revived the old thread topic if you ever feel up to giving it a 2nd go. Smile
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Undyne




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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:27 pm

MnM wrote:

Correct.

She never bullied Dylan but, she did see him get bullied and she refused to defend him or help him out in the slightest.

SH, I don't know if you ever got bullied to the point of being suicidal but, I did.... And for me, I hated those popular kids who smiled, laughed and looked the other way when I got bullied. They could have helped me not want to murder myself but instead, they chose "not to get involved" and it made me hate them desperately.

Had Dylan seen Marjorie that day, I have no doubt he would have hated her and would have shot her. As a popular, pretty cheerleader, of course he knew who she was.

She said that she saw him get picked on a couple of times but didn't think much of it because she had been picked on before and saw others being picked on.
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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 1:28 pm

I can't recall correctly but, I don't think that's the exact quote and I think she said something else. I could be wrong however.

I have the book buried away somewhere far but, if you or anyone could post the direct quote from the book then I'd greatly appreciate it.
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queenfarooq




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PostSubject: Re: What would've happened if...   What would've happened if... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2013 3:11 pm

MnM wrote:
"Because he recognized me as Joe's sister?"

If he didn't see you, your being spared was a random act. If he did see you, then it was probably deliberate.

We're glad you're alive and I don't think anybody would have wanted you dead. As depressed as Columbine got him, Joe would have been worse off with his sister gone.

It would have changed the dynamics of the shooting though, as the Trench Coat Mafia would no longer have been turned into the media scapegoats they did.

I imagine E/D would have generated far less sympathy from some of their friends like Brooks Brown.

There's no need for survivor's guilt. You were spared because Joe was a nice guy to E/D. .

tfsa47090 wrote:
I know that I don't know you at all, or anyone you know, but I do believe that if you had not lived through what happened that your loved ones would have been devastated. I agree with MnM; that your brother's existence would have been infinitely worse had he lost you, and I can not imagine how your parents would have coped. Seeing that there were already a lot of painful issues going on in your family prior to what happened, I do not think they would be able to cope with losing you. I am sure that it would have deeply affected everyone who really knew you, and probably others that you may have not realized cared for you so much.

I agree with what MnM and tfsa47090 said here. I think it's very natural Yumeko for you to ponder such a question and all of the possible answers. I can only echo what has already been said in saying I'm sure your family would be completely devastated had you not made it out of the school. Your also right in saying that many would be wondering if there was in fact some kind of reason behind a TCM members sister being killed, all kinds of theories would have been thrown around. Just scanning thorough all the Columbine documents it often surprises me how many people are asked questions about the TCM despite not knowing anything.
I can't imagine how hard things have been for you over the years but i'm sure you have touched many peoples lives in an extremely positive way since April 99 and that all those people are very grateful to have you in their lives.

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