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 Why Eric Bugs Me

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PostSubject: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 1:24 am

He left behind SO MUCH but virtually all of it was intended for public consumption. Even that stupid AOL survey was completed with the intent to publish. Nothing left behind (that we have been given access to) really gives any kind of glimpse into his personal thoughts; not one that can be trusted anyway. So it's just a guessing game all the time. For all we know, he had a second journal that he filled with his true feelings that he burned before NBK.
I consider him unknowable.
I hate unknowable.
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 1:43 am

Yup. Do you figure it was part of his plan, to play like a stripper and just
be a tease?

Perhaps he figured that if he gave away too much, there wouldn't be
a need for people to try and delve deeper into the subject. If people had
just, like, a giant spreadsheet or something of his motives, feelings, etc. that it would
be a done deal. Instead he gave away just enough to irk us into trying to "find out".
That choice (if you will), is basically why a lot of us are here now.
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 1:45 am

Personally, I don't think he thought about the massacre much until December.
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 2:05 am



I want to know what he was thinking before December. I want to see that jump from normal teenaged angst to planning a killing spree. That's a big chasm to cross. Did he leap? Or was it a gradual edging closer and closer until he was there?
When did he fill out that AOL profile that listed his school as the former Columbine High School?

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 4:19 am

BurnIt wrote:


I want to know what he was thinking before December. I want to see that jump from normal teenaged angst to planning a killing spree. That's a big chasm to cross. Did he leap? Or was it a gradual edging closer and closer until he was there?
When did he fill out that AOL profile that listed his school as the former Columbine High School?
I would say buying the guns had a big part in that.
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 5:53 am

But he meant for it to be a bombing. So if we go by weapons accumulation, the material for making bombs had to be obtained slowly over a longer period of time. Does that make it the slow crawl towards murder?

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 6:07 am

BurnIt wrote:


I want to know what he was thinking before December. I want to see that jump from normal teenaged angst to planning a killing spree. That's a big chasm to cross. Did he leap? Or was it a gradual edging closer and closer until he was there?
When did he fill out that AOL profile that listed his school as the former Columbine High School?

He did this the night before...(on 4-19-99)
On SBB there was always someone who came up with a link to the 11K, but I a'm afraid I am not that nifty Sad
So you have to trust me on this one or look it up yourself Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 6:22 am

Yeah, that's what I thought but I'm stuck on mobile so I can't go looking through my stuff for it.
I wish his friends would speak more openly. His behaviour is really the best clue; he wasn't a great actor. But all his friends have basically claimed Dylan and painted Eric as the bad seed. Which, you know, fine, if that was really the dynamic. But I would like to know if anyone noticed a change in Eric's behaviour at any point that year, as Dylan's mother noticed a change in him, or if Eric really was that way from day 1.


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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 6:23 am

tragedy79 wrote:
BurnIt wrote:


I want to know what he was thinking before December. I want to see that jump from normal teenaged angst to planning a killing spree. That's a big chasm to cross. Did he leap? Or was it a gradual edging closer and closer until he was there?
When did he fill out that AOL profile that listed his school as the former Columbine High School?

He did this the night before...(on 4-19-99)
On SBB there was always someone who came up with a link to the 11K, but I a'm afraid I am not that nifty Sad
So you have to trust me on this one or look it up yourself Smile

You mean to tell me you don't have an actual source? Well shit!

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 6:39 am

If I am remembering correctly, I think it might have been Chris Morris (and possibly others, anyone here please correct me if I'm wrong) who said that in 1998, their junior year, they both drastically changed, and I am hazily recollecting that he stressed this about Eric.

If you think about it, that is the year of their van break in, and the whole debacle that happened after that. And that is when Eric was put on Zoloft, and then rapidly switched to Luvox (without proper weaning and without properly introducing the Luvox, as far as I've read, I would like to add). Those drugs are basically hallucinogens. They interrupt the sleep cycle and do tons more to a larger number of patients than the basic literature would like you to know. Because they're prescription, though, and not street drugs, very few people seem to pay mind to the fact that they are drastically mind and personality altering substances.

All of that being said, I personally think at this time that it was a gradual build up (via what I've researched over time). He very well could have been predisposed to certain mental and emotional disturbances before that, but I don't believe for a minute that those drugs, and their affect on him are not a part of his portion of this tragedy. I don't believe they're the sole cause, but they are indeed an ingredient.

I need to find them again, but I could have sworn that on one of his intake forms; the one where he circled things, it says he'd been on medication more than twice, or something. I want to make it clear that I don't have those documents in front of me right now, but that is what I am remembering. If that recollection is correct, that's certainly saying something, isn't it?


Tragedy79, that is interseting that he may have filled out the questionnaire the day before the attack, seeing that he wrote "compassion" as his answer for the question about what he viewed as a wonderful quality in someone.
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 8:01 am

BurnIt wrote:
But he meant for it to be a bombing. So if we go by weapons accumulation, the material for making bombs had to be obtained slowly over a longer period of time. Does that make it the slow crawl towards murder?
They bought most the bomb equipment in March/April of '99.
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 8:59 am

Why do you think he didn't think much about the massacre before December Ivan? (Rather than my just assuming I know why you think that)

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 9:10 am

I always felt like Eric wasn't really active on NBK, the last couple of months. It seems like he is putting things of. In the end they had a shitload of work done what could have been done sooner. Buying supplies, making bombs etc.

Dylan seems more into the whole thing near the end. Almost like the more Eric became more inactive, the more Dylan became the enthousiastic one.

Maybe this doesn't make sense and I can't explain myself very good(another language and all), but it's just a feeling.

Speculation...speculation...

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 9:38 am

I know about the whole perceived turn in their junior year but I think that was mental illness rearing its ugly head. Or it could have been an adjustment of worldview; an embracement of nihilism. Adolescence is commonly a time to shake off the beliefs our parents have draped us in and find our own moral compasses. I don't know. That's a question mark for me. What I wonder about a lot is where homicidal turned into suicidal or vice versa. Or did they come together, never one without the other? And where fantasy turned into intent. Were the plans just a very elaborate fantasy until someone actually put firepower into their hands? Did that make it real? When we watch Rampart Range are we watching "I wish I could" morph into "I'm going to"? There had to have been a palpable change in them when fantasy turned into intent. There must have been.

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeThu Mar 21, 2013 10:15 am

BurnIt wrote:
Why do you think he didn't think much about the massacre before December Ivan? (Rather than my just assuming I know why you think that)
Because that's when they bought the guns, it seemed like just an idea beforehand.
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeFri Mar 22, 2013 9:58 pm

I think that survey is thowards the end of the Columbine Document if my memory isn't bad a usual, just a rough direction, can't check at the moment as it is on my HDD (shame on me)

Though that's the idea that gave to me too, he wrote all for people to find, he was always looking angry with the world and hid the good and more personal feelings from 'us' if he had any as I guess

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeFri Mar 22, 2013 10:33 pm

The AOL survey is on page 26859. If this is the one that was mentioned. It's the last page of the 936 pages of documents in the 11k.

Someone mentioned this was completed the night before...? Where did you read that?
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeFri Mar 22, 2013 11:13 pm

I don't know what you mean by Eric not leaving behind anything that doesn't give us an idea of how he was feeling and what he was thinking. "The Book of God" as he called it gave us some pretty good insight into what was going through his head. He also seemed pretty proud of it when he talked about his journal in the basement tapes as well. If Eric wanted to hide his true intentions he wouldn't have left any information what so ever. The only thing him leaving it for public consumption means is that he wanted us to figure it all out. You figure him unknowable because you refuse to believe even what Eric himself said.

I think your problem is, is that Eric's journal doesn't fit your belief as to who Eric was.

Oh and just so I know, what kind of person do you think he was anyways?

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeSat Mar 23, 2013 6:46 pm

queenfarooq wrote:
The AOL survey is on page 26859. If this is the one that was mentioned. It's the last page of the 936 pages of documents in the 11k.

Someone mentioned this was completed the night before...? Where did you read that?

I have read it in Tim Krabbe's Wij zijn, maar wij zijn niet geschift( we are, but we aren't psycho). This is a dutch book and not translated in English. But I also remember there were several people on the other board that mentioned is was the night before...actually the book says it was at 2.00 am. I don't know what the actual source was that Tim is using. There isn't a source explanation on this one.

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeSat Mar 23, 2013 7:13 pm

tragedy79 wrote:
queenfarooq wrote:
The AOL survey is on page 26859. If this is the one that was mentioned. It's the last page of the 936 pages of documents in the 11k.

Someone mentioned this was completed the night before...? Where did you read that?

I have read it in Tim Krabbe's Wij zijn, maar wij zijn niet geschift( we are, but we aren't psycho). This is a dutch book and not translated in English. But I also remember there were several people on the other board that mentioned is was the night before...actually the book says it was at 2.00 am. I don't know what the actual source was that Tim is using. There isn't a source explanation on this one.

That's interesting, i never heard that before
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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeSat Mar 23, 2013 8:57 pm

Eric left behind lots, yes. It all painted him in exactly the light he wanted to be painted in. The Book of God was written with an audience in mind.
The Reb persona is so polished, so well rehearsed, so repetitive.
It drives me nuts that he left behind his portrait of a psychopath, knowing people would see it and believe it, and what did people do? Just what he thought they would. He knew that people would say exactly that, that he left plenty of material with which we were to understand him.
Am I unwilling to believe what Eric himself said? Yes and no. I think he left a lot out and hoped we'd see the partially finished rendering and assume that was all there was to see.

Of course Eric's journal doesn't fit my belief as to who he really was. He was a human being, not a walking handful of cliches. That journal creates the most laughably one dimensional character ever.
The only slip ups I've ever seen are the last journal entry where he drops the "Reb" crap and "Eric" creeps in just once. The furious psychopath for one turn of a phrase becomes a kid who was hurt that he'd been left out.
So was he really a nihilist? Or did he make it all up to cover up being hurt? That's a big coverup for some bruised feelings.

I'd like to drag his annoying little ass back here and ask him (and make him explain the bombs while he was here)

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeSat Mar 23, 2013 10:57 pm

[quote="BurnIt"]
Quote :
Eric left behind lots, yes. It all painted him in exactly the light he wanted to be painted in. The Book of God was written with an audience in mind.

How do you know that he wrote it with and audience in mind? Maybe Eric wrote it with Eric in mind and left it for everyone else?

Quote :
The Reb persona is so polished, so well rehearsed, so repetitive.

Rehearsed? Or maybe he was just acting as himself?

Quote :
It drives me nuts that he left behind his portrait of a psychopath, knowing people would see it and believe it, and what did people do? Just what he thought they would. He knew that people would say exactly that, that he left plenty of material with which we were to understand him.

Not only did he leave behind a portrait of a psychopath, he also left behind this image of wanting to be God. It was his running theme in his journal.

Quote :
Am I unwilling to believe what Eric himself said? Yes and no. I think he left a lot out and hoped we'd see the partially finished rendering and assume that was all there was to see.

What exactly do you think he left out? I made that bold cause it's really important.

Quote :
Of course Eric's journal doesn't fit my belief as to who he really was. He was a human being, not a walking handful of cliches. That journal creates the most laughably one dimensional character ever.

One dimension? He hated everyone for being stupid and then felt left out by the people who he thought were stupid. He wanted everyone to look up to him and respect him and at the same time, hated himself for the way he looked. That's four dimensions.

Quote :

The only slip ups I've ever seen are the last journal entry where he drops the "Reb" crap and "Eric" creeps in just once. The furious psychopath for one turn of a phrase becomes a kid who was hurt that he'd been left out.

And there's the problem. He felt hurt that no one saw him the way he did so, he had to do something about it.

Quote :
So was he really a nihilist? Or did he make it all up to cover up being hurt? That's a big coverup for some bruised feelings.

No, he was never a nihilist. He saw a point to life. And that was to show everyone who the real Eric was.

Quote :
I'd like to drag his annoying little ass back here and ask him (and make him explain the bombs while he was here)

Wouldn't we all.

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeMon Mar 25, 2013 8:36 pm

I feel the need to let you know, Lifetime, that I'm not ignoring this post. I've just been mulling my response over in my head and haven't found the wording I want to use yet.
Sometimes I am really inarticulate. I try to watch my step, recognize when I'm not properly representing myself or my thoughts, and give myself a break before I return to a conversation.

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeMon Mar 25, 2013 10:28 pm

BurnIt wrote:
I feel the need to let you know, Lifetime, that I'm not ignoring this post. I've just been mulling my response over in my head and haven't found the wording I want to use yet.
Sometimes I am really inarticulate. I try to watch my step, recognize when I'm not properly representing myself or my thoughts, and give myself a break before I return to a conversation.

No rush. Take your time. It's not like I'm trying to be mean, I just don't understand why you can't really accept Eric for who he is/was.

Sometimes all of it can be hard to believe. The way everything just came together in all this. The odds of Eric and Dylan finding each other. Their journals and videos documenting their downward spiral. The location, the planning, the timing. All culminating into this one giant tragic event that, more than 10 years later, people are still talking about. Eric was right when he said it all seems like a "goddamn movie." And if one thing had been out of place..... none of this would have ever happened.

There's a reason why I agree so much with the psychopath/depressive diagnosis. To me, it's the best we've come up with to explain why this actually happened. Nature just taking it's course. It also helps explain why we haven't seen a high school shooting quite like Columbine (with the exception of Red Lake of course.) One reason why I think we are all so interested in Columbine, it's unique. There was never a high school shooting like it before, and who knows if we will see another high school shooting like it in the future (lets hope not.)

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PostSubject: Re: Why Eric Bugs Me   Why Eric Bugs Me Icon_minitimeSun Apr 03, 2022 11:44 pm

why do you think eric need to be rememberrr
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