"of course I will miss things. not really."

I was re-reading through Dylan's journal when I came to this part which has always stuck out at me:


"Its interesting, when im in my human form, knowing im going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it. like how none of this calculus shit matters. the way it shuldn't. the truth. In 26.4 hours ill be dead, & in happiness. The little zombie human fags will know their errors, & be forever suffering & mournful, HAHAHA, of course I will miss things. not really."

of course I will miss things. not really.


In most (if not all) of Dylan's writings towards the end of his life he comes across as having accepted the fact that NBK would be his end. You can almost feel his excitement as he counts down the days. Even in the final BT where he and Eric apologize to their families he comes across as uncaring and cold. Only one day before the massacre however he wrote the above entry in his journal. What do you think the last statement? Do you think it was just sarcasm, or was it a momentary slip of hesitation?

Maybe Im just making something out of nothing, but it just seems out of place in this kind of ranting. If it were sarcasm you'd think the HAHAHA would come after the "not really". To me it feels like the kind of statement someone whos not fully convinced in their choice would make. Like he had a moment of clarity towards the situation, followed by him covering up the feelings of doubt by convincing himself he won't. And what might be the things he'd miss? He wasn't very materialistic and he was sure his true love was on the other side of death.

Any theories? I find many little things throughout the boys journals that stick out to me and this has always been one. There are many in Dylan's writing especially. I don't think he necessarily wanted or expected people to read his writings like Eric did. Sure he knew they'd be found, but Eric wrote to us like an audience unlike Dylan. He mostly wrote about his feelings instead of violent fantasies. There could be many possible "slips" in the boys writing like the one above and I'd be really interested in hearing what everyone thinks they could mean.

It sounded like sarcasm to me. The haha gives it away.

"HAHAHA, of course I will miss things....not really"

Sounds to me he doesn't give a shit anymore. Explains his lack of hygiene, and his long unkempt hair by this point.

lol wrote:

It sounded like sarcasm to me. The haha gives it away.

"HAHAHA, of course I will miss things....not really"

Sounds to me he doesn't give a shit anymore. Explains his lack of hygiene, and his long unkempt hair by this point.

I agree. In this piece of writing, like most of his writings, Dylan seems to be talking about how he doesn't care about this life. He talks about how he hates it, and wont miss any of it. He also mentions how he thinks there will be something better for him on the other side. I think he wrote about reincarnation once. It just shows that he had completely given up on this life, and I think he was hoping for something better on the other side as a sort of coping method.

It does seem like sarcasm, but the wording is kind of odd

browneyes11 wrote:

It does seem like sarcasm, but the wording is kind of odd

Welcome to Dylan Klebold's journal. Probably 90% of the time he wrote in that journal he was completely wasted, lol....I'm only half serious.

lol wrote:

browneyes11 wrote:

It does seem like sarcasm, but the wording is kind of odd

Welcome to Dylan Klebold's journal.

Couldn't have said it better myself.