The last restful night

Earlier, a Columbine survivor posted that today - April 19, 2019 - is the twentieth anniversary of the last normal day. Now that night has fallen in Colorado, we have reached the anniversary of the last truly restful night that many people ever had. For so many of the survivors of NBK, April 19, 1999, was the last day of the age of innocence. After 4/20, their dreams would never be as sweet again.

For Eric and Dylan, it must have been a restless, sleepless night. Their thoughts and emotions must have been an incredible jumble of fear, anticipation, and exhilaration. While their victims slept, they must have wrestled with a thousand questions: "Will we be able to pull it off? Will we succeed in blowing up the cafeteria? How many people will we be able to shoot? What will it be like to die?"

Did either boy pause to consider whether he was going to heaven or hell? Did Eric, who so often quoted Shakespeare, recall Hamlet's immortal words?

To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.

[...]

But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.

Shakespeare's point was that sometimes the fear of death - of the unknown - is the only thing that keeps us going in a cruel, uncaring world. However bad things are in this realm, we simply don't know how bad they are on the other side, and that's enough to sustain our desire to live.

Eric and Dylan, who must have feared death to some extent, evidently were much more afraid of living than they were of dying. They sought release from the endless torments of a joyless, purposeless life in an orgy of annihilation, a carnival of obliteration, a festival of carnage and gore. They would transcend anonymous mortality by ascending to the realm of the gods in a fiery baptism of blood. They would ride to the heavens on the chariots of the horsemen of the apocalypse.

Whatever their differences, both Eric and Dylan hated themselves, hated their lives, and hated the world in which they lived. Did either boy ever wonder whether other kids were just as miserable as they were? Did either boy believe that, at some level, he was doing at least some of his victims a favor by freeing them the bonds of earthly existence? "You, too, will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars."

I would like to believe that even on this, the last night of their lives, either or both Eric and Dylan still could have been saved, that someone or something could have convinced at least one of them that life was worth living. I would like to believe that at least part of one of the boys wanted to live. But I'm probably deluding myself.

I’m feeling the same

It’s weighing On my heart a lot. I’m at a theatre watching Heathers the musical and I know I’m going to cry at the end during “seventeen”

I went to the cemetery today to bring flowers to Lauren’s grave.

I think about this a lot. I wonder if they were able to sleep peacefully knowing what was going to happen? Were they restless about their plans. The victims probably slept peacefully thinking the next day would be just like any other day at school. Tomorrow is going to be a very somber day.

Last night I went to outback for the boys since they did on the night of the 19th, I was alone so it was surreal going through the motions and putting myself in their shoes and thinking about what that dinner would of been like, knowing tomorrow would be my last day on earth. Eating my dinner I thought about them thinking about how this was their last meal and they would never eat food again.

Last night going to sleep had the same kind of connection, just thinking about the boys going to sleep and how hard it must of been with all the anxieties of the following day ahead of them, all the questions, emotions, second thoughts, and exhilarations running through them as they tried to rest.

Still wish everyone could of been saved this day 20 years ago, including Dylan & Eric

I'm pretty sure Eric was up and writing in his diary in the early hours 0200/0300.

Dylan apparently went to bed earlier than usual according to a friend who he usually spoke to on the phone in the evenings.

joebox97 wrote:

Last night I went to outback for the boys since they did on the night of the 19th, I was alone so it was surreal going through the motions and putting myself in their shoes and thinking about what that dinner would of been like, knowing tomorrow would be my last day on earth. Eating my dinner I thought about them thinking about how this was their last meal and they would never eat food again.

Wow, that's a good idea. I wonder what the boys' favorite foods were?

Shame there isn't an Outback Steakhouse near me. A culinary pilgrimage on the 19th would have been tres bien.

Sue talks about Dylan’s favorite foods in A Mothers Reckoning

I think Dylan could cook at least a little bit. He and Nate used to try recipes out.

Eric answers some food questions in the online questionnaire that was found on his computer.

I bet if you were to ask them in the afterlife, do they feel regret for carrying out NBK, I bet they would say they do. Many would be surprised how different a view and mindset you have once you cross over into the afterlife dimensional realm. I really just believe and have a strong hunch that they are different people on the other side than they were when they were here on Earth.

To be honest, I don't think they slept at all, either of them. I can't even imagine the mental preparation needed to pull of what they did. Also Eric recorded the "Nixon Tape" around 2 in the morning on April 20th. And Dylan could have said he was going to sleep earlier, but he probably laid awake all night. Crazy to think about. They were expecting to kill hundreds... chilling...

sympathyforEandD wrote:

joebox97 wrote:

Last night I went to outback for the boys since they did on the night of the 19th, I was alone so it was surreal going through the motions and putting myself in their shoes and thinking about what that dinner would of been like, knowing tomorrow would be my last day on earth. Eating my dinner I thought about them thinking about how this was their last meal and they would never eat food again.

Wow, that's a good idea. I wonder what the boys' favorite foods were?

Shame there isn't an Outback Steakhouse near me. A culinary pilgrimage on the 19th would have been tres bien.

You're not really missing out aside from the novelty of visiting on the 19th.

Didn't Dylan's autopsy indicate he had eaten potato skins or something like that? Or am I confusing him for someone else?

You are correct about Dylan and the potato skins. I knew they went to Outback the night before, but for some reason I always thought the potato skins would have been from a fast food breakfast the morning of the 20th. In the back of my mind I wonder did they really go to Outback? Or was that a lie so they could finish last details of their plan. Any proof they actually went other than Dylan telling Sue that’s where he went?

SenSpiritedAway wrote:

You are correct about Dylan and the potato skins. I knew they went to Outback the night before, but for some reason I always thought the potato skins would have been from a fast food breakfast the morning of the 20th. In the back of my mind I wonder did they really go to Outback? Or was that a lie so they could finish last details of their plan. Any proof they actually went other than Dylan telling Sue that’s where he went?

There’s never been any tangible proof.

I always though the potatoes in the stomach were from the day of too. I’d think the food from the night before would be digested by the time he died.

I’m glad to see someone else thinks the potato skins were not from Outback. I cannot be 100%, but I don’t believe they sold potato skins there. That seems like a food that you get at a fast food place for breakfast or something. On average it takes food 6-8 hours to digest.

Man would they even be hungry on the morning of with the nerves and anticipation sky rocketing? We know Dylan was already underweight and didn't eat a lot due to depression. I don't see him going out of his way to eat anything on NBK day. His malnourishment might also explain the slow digestion.

That’s also true. Being anxious or nervous can make you not want to eat. But his autopsy did state he looked “well nourished”. Doesn’t prove when he last ate, but he didn’t look malnourished. I’m torn about the last night. Would they celebrate and dine out? Or would they be nerve wracked about the final plans and getting bullets from Manes.
There isn’t any receipts from anywhere left in his car, but it could’ve been tossed with garbage. It’s another one of those “we will never know” moments.

I also kind of assumed they went out to eat because why would Dylan lie about going to dinner? He could’ve said something like oh Eric needs help with an assignment I’m gonna go see him. He could’ve used a lot of different excuses. That leads me to believe that Dylan was telling the truth

Really Dylan could’ve use any lie because they were going to be dead in 12 hours.

SenSpiritedAway wrote:

I’m glad to see someone else thinks the potato skins were not from Outback. I cannot be 100%, but I don’t believe they sold potato skins there. That seems like a food that you get at a fast food place for breakfast or something. On average it takes food 6-8 hours to digest.

They do sell frozen potato skins you can make at home. Maybe he microwaved some sometime before the shooting? I don't think we knew how digested the foods in his stomach were, but we can assume that those particular potato skins in his stomach weren't from Outback given how fast food digests. Outback Steakhouse lists their hours as closing at 11. Even if, for some reason, they ate there very late that night then the food would have been digested.

As for the potato skins being from Outback... maybe? They do not serve potato skins, you're right. However, they do have [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] thick cut loaded fires. Now, I know nothing about autopsies but how well can you tell what partly digested food in the stomach is? Reach here probably, but it is possible they weren't a) lying about going to Outback and b) Dylan ate these cheese fries instead. However, I do fully believe that whatever he ate he ate on the day of the 20th.

Did I really just go to Outback's website for this? Maybe...

hvernon wrote:

SenSpiritedAway wrote:

I’m glad to see someone else thinks the potato skins were not from Outback. I cannot be 100%, but I don’t believe they sold potato skins there. That seems like a food that you get at a fast food place for breakfast or something. On average it takes food 6-8 hours to digest.

They do sell frozen potato skins you can make at home. Maybe he microwaved some sometime before the shooting? I don't think we knew how digested the foods in his stomach were, but we can assume that those particular potato skins in his stomach weren't from Outback given how fast food digests. Outback Steakhouse lists their hours as closing at 11. Even if, for some reason, they ate there very late that night then the food would have been digested.

As for the potato skins being from Outback... maybe? They do not serve potato skins, you're right. However, they do have [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] thick cut loaded fires. Now, I know nothing about autopsies but how well can you tell what partly digested food in the stomach is? Reach here probably, but it is possible they weren't a) lying about going to Outback and b) Dylan ate these cheese fries instead. However, I do fully believe that whatever he ate he ate on the day of the 20th.

Did I really just go to Outback's website for this? Maybe...

Do you what do you think is best for the research :-) the remember to Sue said that Dylan got home about 830 and Mark said that he met up with Eric at about nine or 930. So he would’ve been completely hungry by late morning the next day

Haha! I too went to the Outback site *hanging my head in shame*.

I believe Zach called him at 10:30pm and Dylan was too tired to talk. So he was at home at that time. We know Eric was up late making tapes and contemplating things. But what about Dylan? Would he have been too nervous to sleep or slept like a baby knowing he was finally going to be gone from this earth like he always wanted. Hmmmm...

Was he on any antidepressants that we know of? Apparently those can mess with digestion time

Sue claims he wasn’t. He did have an almost empty bottle of St Johns Wort in his medicine cabinet though. Some people use that as a homeopathic way to treat depression.

HanShotFirst wrote:

Was he on any antidepressants that we know of? Apparently those can mess with digestion time

Hm, that's interesting. Despite the fact I've been on many antidepressants, I've never heard this. I can't imagine the potato skins in his stomach being from the dinner on the 19th. Like Screaming said, he would have had to have been hungry sometime. And I mean... why commit a shooting when you're hungry? Why not eat before, y'know? Who cares at that point. You know you'll either be dead or in jail, so might as well satisfy your hunger.

hvernon wrote:

HanShotFirst wrote:

Was he on any antidepressants that we know of? Apparently those can mess with digestion time

Hm, that's interesting. Despite the fact I've been on many antidepressants, I've never heard this. I can't imagine the potato skins in his stomach being from the dinner on the 19th. Like Screaming said, he would have had to have been hungry sometime. And I mean... why commit a shooting when you're hungry? Why not eat before, y'know? Who cares at that point. You know you'll either be dead or in jail, so might as well satisfy your hunger.

According to Sue Dylan was up and stomping around before she even usually gets up. Perhaps the potato skins were something they had sitting in the freezer or fridge at the house and he had an early morning snack there while getting ready.

HanShotFirst wrote:

hvernon wrote:

HanShotFirst wrote:

Was he on any antidepressants that we know of? Apparently those can mess with digestion time

Hm, that's interesting. Despite the fact I've been on many antidepressants, I've never heard this. I can't imagine the potato skins in his stomach being from the dinner on the 19th. Like Screaming said, he would have had to have been hungry sometime. And I mean... why commit a shooting when you're hungry? Why not eat before, y'know? Who cares at that point. You know you'll either be dead or in jail, so might as well satisfy your hunger.

According to Sue Dylan was up and stomping around before she even usually gets up. Perhaps the potato skins were something they had sitting in the freezer or fridge at the house and he had an early morning snack there while getting ready.

That's what I assume. I usually get hungry around 3am when my insomnia is preventing me from sleeping. I can imagine Dylan would be starving because I don't think either him nor Eric got much sleep that night.

hvernon wrote:

HanShotFirst wrote:

hvernon wrote:

HanShotFirst wrote:

Was he on any antidepressants that we know of? Apparently those can mess with digestion time

Hm, that's interesting. Despite the fact I've been on many antidepressants, I've never heard this. I can't imagine the potato skins in his stomach being from the dinner on the 19th. Like Screaming said, he would have had to have been hungry sometime. And I mean... why commit a shooting when you're hungry? Why not eat before, y'know? Who cares at that point. You know you'll either be dead or in jail, so might as well satisfy your hunger.

According to Sue Dylan was up and stomping around before she even usually gets up. Perhaps the potato skins were something they had sitting in the freezer or fridge at the house and he had an early morning snack there while getting ready.

That's what I assume. I usually get hungry around 3am when my insomnia is preventing me from sleeping. I can imagine Dylan would be starving because I don't think either him nor Eric got much sleep that night.

Man potato skins as your last meal though. . . if that doesn't scream "I don't care about life" then I don't know what does.

HanShotFirst wrote:

hvernon wrote:

HanShotFirst wrote:

hvernon wrote:

HanShotFirst wrote:

Was he on any antidepressants that we know of? Apparently those can mess with digestion time

Hm, that's interesting. Despite the fact I've been on many antidepressants, I've never heard this. I can't imagine the potato skins in his stomach being from the dinner on the 19th. Like Screaming said, he would have had to have been hungry sometime. And I mean... why commit a shooting when you're hungry? Why not eat before, y'know? Who cares at that point. You know you'll either be dead or in jail, so might as well satisfy your hunger.

According to Sue Dylan was up and stomping around before she even usually gets up. Perhaps the potato skins were something they had sitting in the freezer or fridge at the house and he had an early morning snack there while getting ready.

That's what I assume. I usually get hungry around 3am when my insomnia is preventing me from sleeping. I can imagine Dylan would be starving because I don't think either him nor Eric got much sleep that night.

Man potato skins as your last meal though. . . if that doesn't scream "I don't care about life" then I don't know what does.

Yeah, I agree. If you know something's gonna be your last meal why not have something grand? Who knows, maybe potato skins were his favorite food.