"I can't believe they did it!"

So, especially this year, when it's been 20 years since Columbine, every day at some spontaneous moment I say to myself "I can't believe they did it!" and then I feel an awful nostalgia, as if I knew them, as if I was there, and some horrible grief catches me and I feel like I have the power to turn back time and everything is really weird after that. I wonder if any of you have moments like this? It's like I'm losing my mind, but at the same time I'm also very rational, not condoning their actions, but still feeling a strange connection.

I don't know why I get the impression that this case is still so mysterious, even though we actually have almost all the evidence.
It's literally haunting!


(Pardon me if this topic is more appropriate for the "mental health" section.)

I know exactly how you feel man

Yes! It’s a weird feeling. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell them, hey, this is how this plays out. I wonder if they still would have done it.

yes, i absolutely know what you mean. i sometimes feel strangely nostalgic when thinking about them.
us obsessing over columbine might be the explanation, we spend so much thinking about the boys we start feeling like they're a part of our lives.

The part that really gets to you is when you start dreaming about hanging out with them and then as far as your brain and its memory are concerned you have actual real (fake) memories of them if you get my meaning