04/03/99 Last Journal Entry

Eric Harris made the following journal entry 14 years ago today:

"Months have passed. It’s the first Friday night in the final month. Much shit has happened.
Vodka has a Tec 9, we test fired all of our babies, we have 6 time clocks ready, 39 crickets
24 pipe bombs, and the napalm is under construction. Right now I’m trying
to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick, why the fuck
can’t I get any? I mean, I’m nice and considerate and all that shit, but nooooo. I think I try
to hard. But I kinda need to, considering NBK is closing in. the amount of dramatic irony
and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and hear I incorporate into NBK
somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds
some tie to it. Feels like a goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and
trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra frags on the scoreboard. I hate
you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don’t fucking say “well that’s
your fault” because it isn’t, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no
no don’t let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ooh fucking nooo."
(26018)

Funny, his journal ends with a whimper. Just the angsty rantings of a teenage boy. Just a kid.

He highlighted "KID", interesting.

What 'fun things' are you referring to, Eric? heh.

Screw Eric. It always seemed like he had way more friends and fun in high school than I ever did.

Eric wrote:

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked

I'm not sure what he meant here. No meaning that I know would make much sense. He once wrote how maybe he "just needs to get laid" in his earlier entry, but that would be kinda unrelated here.

Scypek wrote:

Eric wrote:

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked

I'm not sure what he meant here. No meaning that I know would make much sense. He once wrote how maybe he "just needs to get laid" in his earlier entry, but that would be kinda unrelated here.

I assumed "get fucked" here is meaning he wants to get drunk..

queenfarooq wrote:

Scypek wrote:

Eric wrote:

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked

I'm not sure what he meant here. No meaning that I know would make much sense. He once wrote how maybe he "just needs to get laid" in his earlier entry, but that would be kinda unrelated here.

I assumed "get fucked" here is meaning he wants to get drunk..

Or high

areyoulistening wrote:

queenfarooq wrote:

Scypek wrote:

Eric wrote:

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked

I'm not sure what he meant here. No meaning that I know would make much sense. He once wrote how maybe he "just needs to get laid" in his earlier entry, but that would be kinda unrelated here.

I assumed "get fucked" here is meaning he wants to get drunk..

Or high

Or.. getting fucked could mean just.. anything

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick, why the fuck
can’t I get any?

To me Eric means literally getting fucked. As in, getting laid. Because at the end of the sentence it's implied that he is asking himself "why can't I get any?" lolz oh, Eric...

InFiNiNcEX5 wrote:

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick, why the fuck
can’t I get any?

To me Eric means literally getting fucked. As in, getting laid. Because at the end of the sentence it's implied that he is asking himself "why can't I get any?" lolz oh, Eric...

That's exactly what I thought too. It amazes me that Dave Cullen read both of their journals and still believes Eric outscored more than the football team.

CatherineM813 wrote:

InFiNiNcEX5 wrote:

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick, why the fuck
can’t I get any?

To me Eric means literally getting fucked. As in, getting laid. Because at the end of the sentence it's implied that he is asking himself "why can't I get any?" lolz oh, Eric...

That's exactly what I thought too. It amazes me that Dave Cullen read both of their journals and still believes Eric outscored more than the football team.

I think that amazes everyone. How nobody has pulled Cullen on his crap is beyond me...

areyoulistening wrote:

CatherineM813 wrote:

InFiNiNcEX5 wrote:

Right now I’m trying
to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick, why the fuck
can’t I get any?

To me Eric means literally getting fucked. As in, getting laid. Because at the end of the sentence it's implied that he is asking himself "why can't I get any?" lolz oh, Eric...

That's exactly what I thought too. It amazes me that Dave Cullen read both of their journals and still believes Eric outscored more than the football team.

I think that amazes everyone. How nobody has pulled Cullen on his crap is beyond me...

Same here. This is just a thought but maybe Dave Cullen knew they were bullied in school, were virgins, Eric never dated Brenda Parker, etc but decided to ignore all of that and wanted to portray them however he chose. Maybe by doing this he thought it would make for a better and more interesting story.

CatherineM813 wrote:

Maybe by doing this he thought it would make for a better and more interesting story.

I understand that, I really do but how can you put it under non-fiction? How can you look yourself in the mirror and be proud of something like that? Eric's already proved himself to be deadly and disturbed, is putting him the box of 'psychopath' really necessary? Maybe he wanted feel like he'd "shut" the case so to speak. But you can't just diagnose a dead person as being a psychopath without actually studying them, getting to know about them, speaking to his family. None of which he evidently done. I understand that he got along with Mr and Mrs Klebold so of course he'd paint Dylan differently.

People....

I think Cullen simply decided to run with the gimmick of "forget about everything you thought you knew about Columbine via the media" and just ran with it. He went the opposite direction to be fresh and different. Kind of like:
You think it was bullying? Nope, wrong. You though they were outcasts? nope, wrong.
So, he went with a preconceived cash cow idea that he set out to prove retrospectively vith fact and fiction blurred together. Columbine was an interesting read but it comes across rather like a multi-layered novel. Add to that Cullen, covets the his statement:"I spent 10 years on this!" it's a marketing catchphrase that says "I'm an expert" but. in actuality, it sounds quite silly that anyone would spend 10 years putting together a book on Columbine. Especially, since he he hardly spent the time interviewing the people referenced in his book of their actual accounts. He tweaks the accounts so it has the climatic pacing, layering of fictionalized work.

To be different, or contrary, Cullen takes the fact that Eric was persistent with trying to obtain dates - which is actually a fact - and he then interprets that fact as someone who was actually successful with persuing woman. Cullen intentionally keep Brenda Parker in his book (even though her account was proven false) to satisfy the pitch that Eric actually scored with women. It's like Cullen is gloating: See people? You thought he died a geeky, outcast virgin but nope, he wasn't one. There goes Cullen's ego boasting that he's the true authority and not anyone else.

Cullen labels Eric a psychopath because it's easy to make bold, blanket statements when you've already marketed yourself with 10 years experience. He's banking that most sheeple will go along with his idea. However, if you look at all the criteria that points to a psychopath, Eric does not fit every single one of these categories to be accurately diagnosed one. (To me, the biggest one being the fact that he had compassion and sympathy for animals.) And again, as it was pointed out above, it's all post mortem diagnosis so not legit.

If only we had Dr. Albert's full account of his therapy sessions with Eric.

I guess too that he chose to twist it into something that would seem 'more interesting' for the public to read
non-fiction: you're doing it wrong

InFiNiNcEX5 wrote:

If only we had Dr. Albert's full account of his therapy sessions with Eric.

How I wish we had this

InFiNiNcEX5 wrote:

If only we had Dr. Albert's full account of his therapy sessions with Eric.

Amen. How can diversion records be released but not therapy sessions, don't the same rules apply for both?
I just can't shake the feeling that the man has something to hide. He wouldn't even give the records to his parents after the fact to have a look at them.
Somethings fishy.

Quote :

If only we had Dr. Albert's full account of his therapy sessions with Eric.

[/quote]


I doubt anything important would come from those sessions. If the therapist had known something was up it probably wouldn't have gotten this far. But, what I am interested in hearing is how Eric some how managed to down play the fact that he marked homicidal thoughts on his evaluation. I still wonder how that seemed to get by everyone, even Eric's own parents.

I wonder why he dated the entry on saturday and mentions it was the first friday.

[quote=infinincex5]
If only we had Dr. Albert's full account of his therapy sessions with Eric. [/quote][/quote]

Lifetime wrote:

I doubt anything important would come from those sessions. If the therapist had known something was up it probably wouldn't have gotten this far. But, what I am interested in hearing is how Eric some how managed to down play the fact that he marked homicidal thoughts on his evaluation. I still wonder how that seemed to get by everyone, even Eric's own parents.

I'm not so sure about that, look at James Holmes' therapist. She knew a lot; she alerted people yet the system failed. Otoh, I agree that Eric could have spent a lot of time withholding and faking through his sessions. Maybe tossing Albert a bone here and there. Still, Albert went completely underground afterward and has not revealed anything. He's protecting himself so perhaps there was more to the sessions than just talking about the usual teen angst. I would suspect that if Eric ticked off homicidal thoughts on his Diversionary report, and given his parents must have seen that questionaire, then perhaps both the homicidal and obsessive thoughts were discussed in therapy. Eric was put on drugs for a reason and so his parents knew why he was put on those drugs. They knew his condition. But I can just see Eric still feeling the same way on Zoloft and Luvox, still having the same thoughts but now since he's committed to NBK he's faking his way through: telling Albert that the drugs are working to control his obsessive/homicidal thoughts.

I'm torn here.. I believe too that he probably lied during the therapy sessions, but it also seems like there's actually something hidden. Perhaps something slipped and he let it go as something with little importance, something like that

Laeda wrote:

I'm torn here.. I believe too that he probably lied during the therapy sessions, but it also seems like there's actually something hidden. Perhaps something slipped and he let it go as something with little importance, something like that

I think it will only ever be something that we'll only ever speculate about, I don't think they'll ever be released. I suppose why should they be? As long as Eric's parents have seen them and have crossed that bridge then case shut.

Man I really want to see those files...

Quote :

I would suspect that if Eric ticked off homicidal thoughts on his Diversionary report, and given his parents must have seen that questionaire, then perhaps both the homicidal and obsessive thoughts were discussed in therapy.

How do we know that his parents saw the questionnaire? It doesn't sound to me like the diversion program involved parents that much. Eric and Dylan were expected to attend sessions independently, make their own arrangements for community service, call on their own if they weren't able to be there, etc. Wouldn't be surprised if the parents never saw any diversion-related files except for completion certificates until the police released them.

And as far as Dr. Albert - I don't think he has anything he can legally report unless Eric specifically threatened a school shooting or to kill specific people or groups of people. Like if he just said "I want to kill people", it still falls under the doctor-patient confidentiality law, whereas "I want to kill everybody at my school" would have to be reported. Please correct me if I'm wrong, guys.

I'm just speculating but perhaps Eric was being truthful during those therapy sessions in the beginning. I feel he was very truthful in the diversion questionaire so maybe this wasnt any
Different. But when NBK became more serious and they were both committed to it he started to put on a facade and pretend everything was getting better.

Wideawake wrote:

Quote :

I would suspect that if Eric ticked off homicidal thoughts on his Diversionary report, and given his parents must have seen that questionaire, then perhaps both the homicidal and obsessive thoughts were discussed in therapy.

How do we know that his parents saw the questionnaire? It doesn't sound to me like the diversion program involved parents that much. Eric and Dylan were expected to attend sessions independently, make their own arrangements for community service, call on their own if they weren't able to be there, etc. Wouldn't be surprised if the parents never saw any diversion-related files except for completion certificates until the police released them.

And as far as Dr. Albert - I don't think he has anything he can legally report unless Eric specifically threatened a school shooting or to kill specific people or groups of people. Like if he just said "I want to kill people", it still falls under the doctor-patient confidentiality law, whereas "I want to kill everybody at my school" would have to be reported. Please correct me if I'm wrong, guys.

In looking over Dylan's diversion file, I noticed that both the parents and Dylan filled what looked to be similiar (if not identical) questionaires. I suppose this is so they could determine both the parents PoV and then their sons PoV on the same questions. Essentially, to see if they were on the same page. Dylan may not withheld checking off suicide, depression or homicide but he was somewhat honest about the fact that he tried pot with his brother and had been drinking (not just beer but vodka). His parents were stunned by this as they claim to have no prior knowledge that there son had been engaging in drugs and alcohol. (I wonder if they knew he was smoking cigarettes? May not have been an issue for them as many teens in the 90s were cigarette smokers...) So, I am concluding that the parents are privy to any sort of 'at risk' behavior or psychological problem that their son volunteers on the questionaire. It would make total sense that since their son engaged in a serious offense that the parents would be included on any more red flags via the questionaire so that they could then move forward at divert their child from repeat bad behavior.

Even if Eric was honest in the beginning but began to conceal his psychological problems later on because of NBK, even if Eric said "doctor, I still think about killing people 70% of my day" (but did not devulge specifically craving to blow up CHS or kill certain students at school, EVEN still... This would be valuable information to know about. I think that knowing what dialog went on between Eric and his psychologist is very valuable information. I don't think Albert was completely clueless. Eric would toss him some bones to chew on. That is material that is worthwhile. I'm sure Eric's parents knew and saw a lot of things that made sense in retrospect. So, I suspect that both therapist and parents are keeping silent to protect themselves.