E/D suicide

The more I think about killing myself, the more I realise what balls it takes.

I mean, just taking a leap into the unknown like that. Even though I don't at all believe in religion, I can't help but think about being stuck in one place (be it heaven, hell, or just eternal darkness) forever.

The night before last I had a dream in which I shot myself, and everything faded into darkness but I was just as aware as I am of my surroundings now. It was freaky. Then last night I had a dream about meeting Dylan after Columbine (imagining he had not killed himself). Idk it just made me think about their suicides, and actually I say props to them for really going through with it. It also made me sad for them, and sad that I will never be able to meet them, in a way I hadn't really felt before.

When someone gets to the point where they have no hope at all, suicide would not be difficult.

Quote :

The more I think about killing myself, the more I realise what balls it takes.

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LPorter101 wrote:

Quote :

The more I think about killing myself, the more I realise what balls it takes.

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Not only to kill themselves but to actually go through what they did, knowing the possibility of getting into shootouts with cops and dying a slow death by bleeding out.
You can call them every name in the book, but you can't deny they had some big balls to do what they did.

Going through with what they did only takes about 5 seconds worth of courage. Once they made their first move, it was the point of no return. They realized their lives were already over.

At the end of the day, I'll always see them as cowards.

Grayscale wrote:

Going through with what they did only takes about 5 seconds worth of courage. Once they made their first move, it was the point of no return. They realized their lives were already over.

At the end of the day, I'll always see them as cowards.

Yeah, it takes a lot more courage to, say, set yourself on fire.

Grayscale wrote:

Going through with what they did only takes about 5 seconds worth of courage. Once they made their first move, it was the point of no return. They realized their lives were already over.

At the end of the day, I'll always see them as cowards.

The act was cowardly, but to actually shoot up a school, then kill yourself, takes balls. There are alot of people who went on shooting sprees, or murdered people,
but didn't have the balls to actually pull the trigger on themselves.

I think the notion that killing yourself takes courage is debatable. I think suicide does take a certain amount of either horrible depression or sheer madness or recklessness, but some suicides are acts which demonstrate the power of the human will.

For example that Buddhist monk in Vietnam who incinerated himself.

But as people say, the line between courage and recklessness (insanity) is not cut clearly.

I think that to face the adversities and uncertainties of life takes a courage of its own.

Suicide is simply pick a gun and put it toward your head and pull a trigger.

Is it courageous? or is illogical???????

It would be scary to die because we really don't know what is on the other side, if anything at all.

But I think most people that commit suicide are prepared to face that uncertainty.

LPorter101 wrote:

Quote :

The more I think about killing myself, the more I realise what balls it takes.

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lol soz man I was nae aware of this

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

meowitscow wrote:

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

right words, life isn´t easy, never will be, i think.

em81 wrote:

meowitscow wrote:

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

right words, life isn´t easy, never will be, i think.

Yeah, life is never easy, you just have to learn how to deal with it. It's never all black. For example, Dylan and Eric were supposed to finish high school soon and move away from the bullies,star over... I know it's not all about the bullying and school, but if they waited just a little bit more things could have got better for them.

meowitscow wrote:

em81 wrote:

meowitscow wrote:

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

right words, life isn´t easy, never will be, i think.

Yeah, life is never easy, you just have to learn how to deal with it. It's never all black. For example, Dylan and Eric were supposed to finish high school soon and move away from the bullies,star over... I know it's not all about the bullying and school, but if they waited just a little bit more things could have got better for them.

I'm not sure how much better things would have gotten for them, to be honest, unless they both got the help they both desperately needed. Other threads here have opined on what would have happened to Eric and Dylan had Columbine never occurred. Many of us believe Dylan would have killed himself sooner or later (I feel perhaps he would have in college), though the feelings were mixed on what Eric's fate might have been...

ThoughtBox wrote:

meowitscow wrote:

em81 wrote:

meowitscow wrote:

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

right words, life isn´t easy, never will be, i think.

Yeah, life is never easy, you just have to learn how to deal with it. It's never all black. For example, Dylan and Eric were supposed to finish high school soon and move away from the bullies,star over... I know it's not all about the bullying and school, but if they waited just a little bit more things could have got better for them.

I'm not sure how much better things would have gotten for them, to be honest, unless they both got the help they both desperately needed. Other threads here have opined on what would have happened to Eric and Dylan had Columbine never occurred. Many of us believe Dylan would have killed himself sooner or later (I feel perhaps he would have in college), though the feelings were mixed on what Eric's fate might have been...

Maybe, maybe not.  I had pretty shitty situation myself when I tried to kill myself. I was 15 so you can say it's kinda close to their age. My best friend died, I was bullied in school .Situation at home was a mess.I was on antidepressants, anxiety medicine and sleeping pills. All I thought about was death. After my attempt I ended up in hospital. In that time I met my current boyfriend and he really helped me get better over the time. I threw all pills out. I can't say I'm 100% better, anxiety is still my problem, but many people have some kind of issues so ... I live a normal life- I graduated from school, work, go to college etc. Everything is possible.

meowitscow wrote:

ThoughtBox wrote:

meowitscow wrote:

em81 wrote:

meowitscow wrote:

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

right words, life isn´t easy, never will be, i think.

Yeah, life is never easy, you just have to learn how to deal with it. It's never all black. For example, Dylan and Eric were supposed to finish high school soon and move away from the bullies,star over... I know it's not all about the bullying and school, but if they waited just a little bit more things could have got better for them.

I'm not sure how much better things would have gotten for them, to be honest, unless they both got the help they both desperately needed. Other threads here have opined on what would have happened to Eric and Dylan had Columbine never occurred. Many of us believe Dylan would have killed himself sooner or later (I feel perhaps he would have in college), though the feelings were mixed on what Eric's fate might have been...

Maybe, maybe not.  I had pretty shitty situation myself when I tried to kill myself. I was 15 so you can say it's kinda close to their age. My best friend died, I was bullied in school .Situation at home was a mess.I was on antidepressants, anxiety medicine and sleeping pills. All I thought about was death. After my attempt I ended up in hospital. In that time I met my current boyfriend and he really helped me get better over the time. I threw all pills out. I can't say I'm 100% better, anxiety is still my problem, but many people have some kind of issues so ... I live a normal life- I graduated from school, work, go to college etc. Everything is possible.  

I agree that anything is possible. I am glad you got out of your depression.

For me in my opinion, I think college would have depressed Dylan more. College was a very depressing time for me. A lot of colleges thrive on sports, he would have been away from his friends and family as well as familiar surroundings... I think he would have been pushed further into his depression.

Eric I think was similar. He told some people he wanted to go to community college and told others he wanted to travel...he tried to get into the Marines but I think he knew he was not going to be accepted. NBK aside Eric really didn't have any after high school plans. If he would not have done NBK who knows where he would have ended up. Would he be at some low paying dead end job? Would he have gone to college?

Lizpuff wrote:

Maybe, maybe not.  I had pretty shitty situation myself when I tried to kill myself. I was 15 so you can say it's kinda close to their age. My best friend died, I was bullied in school .Situation at home was a mess.I was on antidepressants, anxiety medicine and sleeping pills. All I thought about was death. After my attempt I ended up in hospital. In that time I met my current boyfriend and he really helped me get better over the time. I threw all pills out. I can't say I'm 100% better, anxiety is still my problem, but many people have some kind of issues so ... I live a normal life- I graduated from school, work, go to college etc. Everything is possible.  

I agree that anything is possible.  I am glad you got out of your depression.

For me in my opinion, I think college would have depressed Dylan more.  College was a very depressing time for me.  A lot of colleges thrive on sports, he would have been away from his friends and family as well as familiar surroundings... I think he would have been pushed further into his depression.

Eric I think was similar.  He told some people he wanted to go to community college and told others he wanted to travel...he tried to get into the Marines but I think he knew he was not going to be accepted.  NBK aside Eric really didn't have any after high school plans.  If he would not have done NBK who knows where he would have ended up.  Would he be at some low paying dead end job?  Would he have gone to college?  [/quote]


Thank you.

Yeah, you have a point, but we'll never know. That's just so sad. World is really a depressing place.

meowitscow wrote:

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

Totally agree with this. I'm sorry to hear of your shitty experiences as a teen, but I'm glad things have since got better for you.

bubbles wrote:

meowitscow wrote:

I tried to commit suicide, but it was long time ago. I didn't make it and now I'm happy I'm still here. Yeah, it takes balls, but it takes more balls to stay here and make something of yourself,your life and deal with your problems.

Totally agree with this. I'm sorry to hear of your shitty experiences as a teen, but I'm glad things have since got better for you.

Thank you for the kind words.

I think being a teenager sucks for people who don't fit in.

Grayscale wrote:

Going through with what they did only takes about 5 seconds worth of courage. Once they made their first move, it was the point of no return. They realized their lives were already over.

At the end of the day, I'll always see them as cowards.

I always wonder if people who go on about how killing yourself is so cowardly have ever actually tried it?
I have in the past and no matter how depressed you are, nothing about it is easy.

PaintItBlack wrote:

Grayscale wrote:

Going through with what they did only takes about 5 seconds worth of courage. Once they made their first move, it was the point of no return. They realized their lives were already over.

At the end of the day, I'll always see them as cowards.

I always wonder if people who go on about how killing yourself is so cowardly have ever actually tried it?
I have in the past and no matter how depressed you are, nothing about it is easy.

I agree but Eric and Dylan's case is "a little" different. They were under an adrenaline rush which I believe made it a lot easier to actually pull the trigger on themselves. Dying after shooting so many people (which I believe they had never seen anyone being killed in real life before), shooting at the police/ambulances, being surrounded by dead peers, having the noisy alarms going off the whole time, a total madness outside the school, TV broadcasts, helicopters, etc. certainly had cut them off completely from the reality. I don't think they were scared to kill themselves at the end at all. Not only did they want it but they knew there was no turning back, and basically had no other choice. After everything they did in less than an hour it sure was different than just standing alone in your room with a rope, gun or a bunch of pills in your hand and in my opinion less difficult.

Vii wrote:

PaintItBlack wrote:

Grayscale wrote:

Going through with what they did only takes about 5 seconds worth of courage. Once they made their first move, it was the point of no return. They realized their lives were already over.

At the end of the day, I'll always see them as cowards.

I always wonder if people who go on about how killing yourself is so cowardly have ever actually tried it?
I have in the past and no matter how depressed you are, nothing about it is easy.

I agree but Eric and Dylan's case is "a little" different. They were under an adrenaline rush which I believe made it a lot easier to actually pull the trigger on themselves. Dying after shooting so many people (which I believe they had never seen anyone being killed in real life before), shooting at the police/ambulances, being surrounded by dead peers, having the noisy alarms going off the whole time, a total madness outside the school, TV broadcasts, helicopters, etc. certainly had cut them off completely from the reality. I don't think they were scared to kill themselves at the end at all. Not only did they want it but they knew there was no turning back, and basically had no other choice. After everything they did in less than an hour it sure was different than just standing alone in your room with a rope, gun or a bunch of pills in your hand and in my opinion less difficult.

I still believe even taking all that into consideration that it must have been difficult in some sense and it took guts for them to kill themselves.

If you get scared you still care. the main thing is the fact you still give a shit or, you really don't want to die.
those who really do it have nothing else to think about nor bother about hesitation. like those who did it, just pull the trigger or jump off the building immediately, as opposed to those who talk about it so much - doesn't mean they don't deserve any help or a listening ear.

I wouldn't say it "takes balls" for eric and dylan to do what they did, if you have murder and suicide in your heart you'll just go through with it. they really didn't give a fuck about their reality anymore. once you have perfected and succumbed to detachment, it's very easy to do anything you shouldn't do; e.g killing someone, taboo things

With Dylan and Eric, I think it's a little bit of both. It is very cowardly to kill innocent people and then go and kill yourself so you don't have face the devastation you caused, but at the same time it does take guts to go through with actually killing yourself. So this example can be looked at both ways.

But when you're talking about someone who just commits suicide, there is nothing cowardly about that at all. I've been there and nearly killed myself twice. It does take a lot of guts to get yourself ready to do it and if you do actually go through with it, then believe me, that person is suffering worst than you can imagine and feels like they have absolutely nothing to live for. Because when you're ready to kill yourself, you frantically think of any little reason why you shouldn't do it and I guess that's because at that point, you still care enough about yourself to try and survive.

liquorvamp wrote:

If you get scared you still care. the main thing is the fact you still give a shit or, you really don't want to die.
those who really do it have nothing else to think about nor bother about hesitation. like those who did it, just pull the trigger or jump off the building immediately, as opposed to those who talk about it so much - doesn't mean they don't deserve any help or a listening ear.

When I tried to commit suicide I was as low as I have ever been and yes,I felt I truly wanted to die at that time.
But it was not easy for me and I felt fear and much physical pain as I was going through the process as I guess you'd call it, so based on my own experience I respectfully disagree.

It's a whole mindset. I never tried killing myself, but did have a bout of anxiety and depression for a short time, and it made me think things I would never normally think. Like actually not caring if I died, saying fuck everything etc. Now that I'm out of it, I look back and can't believe some of the things I thought. But at the end of the day you have to have gone though it yourself to really know what its like. Killing those kids and themselves was cowardly, but it does take serious balls to go though with that, especially killing yourself.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "But it was not easy for me and I felt fear and much physical pain as I was going through the process" you felt fear and physical pain or you felt fear because of the physical pain? I guess you disagree based on the fact that because you attempted to do it, at that point of time you were very sure you wanted to do it so what I said about lack of care doesn't apply. So what stopped you? which part of the fear? I want to understand the mindset of one who had attempted to.

and also to add, I'm very glad you're still here. Please continue pulling through.

PaintItBlack wrote:

Vii wrote:

PaintItBlack wrote:

Grayscale wrote:

Going through with what they did only takes about 5 seconds worth of courage. Once they made their first move, it was the point of no return. They realized their lives were already over.

At the end of the day, I'll always see them as cowards.

I always wonder if people who go on about how killing yourself is so cowardly have ever actually tried it?
I have in the past and no matter how depressed you are, nothing about it is easy.

I agree but Eric and Dylan's case is "a little" different. They were under an adrenaline rush which I believe made it a lot easier to actually pull the trigger on themselves. Dying after shooting so many people (which I believe they had never seen anyone being killed in real life before), shooting at the police/ambulances, being surrounded by dead peers, having the noisy alarms going off the whole time, a total madness outside the school, TV broadcasts, helicopters, etc. certainly had cut them off completely from the reality. I don't think they were scared to kill themselves at the end at all. Not only did they want it but they knew there was no turning back, and basically had no other choice. After everything they did in less than an hour it sure was different than just standing alone in your room with a rope, gun or a bunch of pills in your hand and in my opinion less difficult.

I still believe even taking all that into consideration that it must have been difficult in some sense and it took guts for them to kill themselves.

I agree - it does take guts in every case but this particular wasn't as difficult in my opinion because of the circumstances they were in. They were not sitting, hesitating and bawling their eyes out. We see them in cafeteria about 8 min before they take their lives, by the point they reach the library they have about 6 min left, they shoot at cops one last time and apparently decide that it's the moment. One most likely sits down and pulls the trigger immediately and the other does the same moments after. They didn't give a shit and just did it.

Dylan was talking about killing himself for years but just couldn't do it on his own. I don't know if he would have ever shot himself alone at home or taken pills etc. I just don't know that I could see him doing that. It took this push to get him to do anything about it.

liquorvamp wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "But it was not easy for me and I felt fear and much physical pain as I was going through the process" you felt fear and physical pain or you felt fear because of the physical pain? I guess you disagree based on the fact that because you attempted to do it, at that point of time you were very sure you wanted to do it so what I said about lack of care doesn't apply. So what stopped you? which part of the fear? I want to understand the mindset of one who had attempted to.

and also to add, I'm very glad you're still here. Please continue pulling through.

Thank you.I would think a little of both.Even if you truly want to die, its hard not to feel some fear about it as you are going into the unknown.You can't know what death is like for sure until you die yourself.

What stopped me was that I had confided in a friend of mine what I was going to do that night and she promised not to tell and I even put my phone off the hook so she couldn't alert anyone in my house or try to talk me out of it, but she called another relative of mine and they came rushing over and told my parents what I was up to and they dragged me to the hospital.I was in too bad of a shape to fight it much.I was a teenager when this happened and was angry at my friend for a while for breaking her promise and telling but eventually came to see she did the right thing and was very grateful.
As far as what part of the fear.. that's a hard question for me to answer as I was in great pain and totally out of it.I was also hallucinating and said I saw some insane things as I was told later.
I was somewhat out of it for the next several days and spent a few weeks in the hospital.
The best answer I can give you is that I remember definitely remember feeling fear and it was pretty strong.
I think it came from fear of the unknown but also from being in a bad physical state I'd never been in before.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] aw babe. You have such a good friend. and I'm sorry about what you went through, whats good now is that you're here right now.
"I think it came from fear of the unknown but also from being in a bad physical state I'd never been in before." I can agree with that, that's relatable. The unknown and the physical pain would be a factor to hesitate going through with the worse.

in eric and dylan's case, I guess I would say that amidst the carnage they have done, they barely have time to think about such fear anymore. For eric he just did it as fast as he could, followed by Dylan. and also, they had planned suicide to be endgame anyway. If they had no problems committing murder they certainly had no problems offing themselves.

liquorvamp wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] aw babe. You have such a good friend. and I'm sorry about what you went through, whats good now is that you're here right now.
"I think it came from fear of the unknown but also from being in a bad physical state I'd never been in before." I can agree with that, that's relatable. The unknown and the physical pain would be a factor to hesitate going through with the worse.

in eric and dylan's case, I guess I would say that amidst the carnage they have done, they barely have time to think about such fear anymore. For eric he just did it as fast as he could, followed by Dylan. and also, they had planned suicide to be endgame anyway. If they had no problems committing murder they certainly had no problems offing themselves.

Thank you. My friend and I later grew apart,but I will always be grateful for what she did for me.

Well it is easier blowing your brains out then going to jail for the rest of their pathetic lives. These 2 wimps wouldn't have survived prison, so of course they'd blow their brains out

Worthless humans

lol wrote:

Well it is easier blowing your brains out then going to jail for the rest of their pathetic lives. These 2 wimps wouldn't have survived prison, so of course they'd blow their brains out

Worthless humans

Agreed. I do always wish Dylan had been caught though.

If Dylan had been caught in sure his parents would have lawyered him up and got him to blame the whole thing on Eric. We probably still wouldn't know all the facts, they would likely be twisted to benefit Dylan.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "If Dylan had been caught in sure his parents would have lawyered him up and got him to blame the whole thing on Eric. We probably still wouldn't know all the facts, they would likely be twisted to benefit Dylan.

Well in a way this is happening now due to Sue coming out with a book and talking all over the media. But if dylan were to be alive and caught, would he back Eric up? I mean, would he be a loyal friend and speak on behalf of Eric or do we think he'd twist the facts too to cover his ass?

I feel like if he had been taken alive, his parents would have fought like hell to protect his image and could probably afford the best lawyers. And with the threat of prison looming in the distance, who's to say he wouldn't go along with them in exchange for a lesser punishment?

There's speculation that Dylan used Eric to fulfill his dream of going "NBK". If that's the case then it's possible that he wasnt really as loyal to Eric as originally thought anyway. It might not be hard for him to shift most of the blame onto Eric, especially with the encouragement of his parents and laywers.

Kiwik wrote:

If Dylan had been caught in sure his parents would have lawyered him up and got him to blame the whole thing on Eric. We probably still wouldn't know all the facts, they would likely be twisted to benefit Dylan.

Though when they were caught for a much smaller crime--breaking into the van--it was Eric who immediately ratted on Dylan to the cops.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] I'm not sure that either would take full responsibility for their actions if blaming the other (deceased) got them off easier. Mass murder is a bit more serious than breaking into a van. If Eric was dead, and shifting the majority of the responsibility into him got Dylan a less harsh punishment, then I see Dylan's parents jumping all over if and encouraging their son to take it.

The Van Incident is covered from pages 010312-010354

Deputy Walsh questioned Eric as he came out of his Honda to proceed to the trunk and Eric immediately try to cover his ass and Dylan went along with the story. When Deputy Walsh questioned them again, Dylan admitted they broke into the van.

SO, as you can see, it was Dylan who first admitted to the crime, NOT Eric.


When questioned alone, Eric admitted Dylan suggested breaking into the van and Eric admitted he agreed to it.

When questioned alone, Dylan admitted they both came up with the idea at ALMOST the same time.

I have to say that I can't blame E &D at all for committing suicide  even if their only reason was to escape jail which I believe was far from being the only reason they killed themselves.I've thought a lot about this and if I had to spend the rest of my life in prison with no chance of every getting out,I think I'd rather be dead.
You can say that spending life in prison is what they deserved and maybe so but it's just human nature to not want to spend your life in a cage. That's why people who have been in jail for 40 years still try to be released on parole.

Kiwik wrote:

If Dylan had been caught in sure his parents would have lawyered him up and got him to blame the whole thing on Eric. We probably still wouldn't know all the facts, they would likely be twisted to benefit Dylan.

Very true, there would be a whole different narrative to the story then there currently is, and perhaps some of the information we have now wouldn't even be available, if Klebold lawyers would theoretically have their way.