Dylan's faith

Let me give you some quotes from the Dylan Klebold’s journal:

Dylan wrote:

5 more days. 5 . . . . . . a very influential number, another brick in my journey edwall.

Stupid gay nigger humans think I'm crazy. Or they think I'm childish. Ha ha ha, because I can't solve [math equation]. That makes me dumb! Because I can't stay thinking in a 2nd dimension, I go to the 5th!

Einstein stuck in an Ant's body.

So, Dylan is talking here about the fifth dimension? (Einstein spoke only of four dimensions)
Some mystical teachings say that the fifth dimension is a place of true love. (Next, I quote from various mystical articles)
A place where serenity reigns, bliss and all-embracing love.

1 wrote:

The Fifth Dimension has been described as the dimension of Love, of living totally from the Heart

1 wrote:

When a person reaches 5th dimension consciousness, they may experience existing in a permanent state of peace, bliss, love, and joy.

A place where people like God could create their worlds only by the power of thought.

2 wrote:

Manifestation through thoughts becomes possible. Emotions are still present, but you no longer let them fool you. You possess a sort of mastery over yourself. The frequencies of the fifth dimension are higher than those of the physical, dense world of the earth. Factually, they can vibrate at speeds that are faster than the speed of light. This makes manifestation and creation by thoughts possible. The heart is in charge. The higher self (your soul) is matched with the heart. Love prevails, because our actions are made from the heart and no longer from the head.

The third dimension is a place of suffering, a kind of test. The third dimension is governed by the sense of duality.

3 wrote:

So, why did we choose to leave this wonderful place where all is known and go to the third dimension, anyway? When Creator wanted to know Himself/Herself better He/She asked for volunteers, and guess who ran to the front of the line say "Pick me, pick me!"? You did! Creator sent the brightest and the best (you) on this special quest to explore the outermost regions of existence. It was, and is, a grand adventure that only the biggest and most enthusiastic spirits signed up for.
Why did we choose the third dimension and not another? Duality does not exist in the higher dimensions and duality is an important part of what we wanted to experience. Our explorations took us may places but as we went deeper into density we eventually found ourselves playing in the slower vibrations of the world of form )matter). Here we could delve into cause and effect and discover the results of our choices and actions.
Here we had free will to explore the most divergent ranges of frequencies (including fear, hate, anger, betrayal, etc). When we signed up for this adventure we did not know that we would become immersed in it or that we would forget who we are, where we came form, why we came, and how to get back Home. We now have an opportunity to remember who we are and return Home.

Could Dylan to read something like this? Could this affect his beliefs? I don't know. But something similar is definitely in his diary...

Dylan wrote:

The humanity of here & now clouds all that I see. Yet the me, the one, can now control the pain, it is done &. 5 more days. 5 . . . . . . a very influential number, another brick in my journey edwall. Humans are zombies, they scratch for acceptance & greed & kill themselves thru each other. They will never learn, or maybe they will, but wont have the strength to learn to be aware is not a trait, it's a godlike thing. Blessed God, not a Christian, Jesus, Mt. Sinai,Abraham, David, gay god, hell the Bible but a true controller of existence. was to make us this way. These moments will be lost in the depressions & caverns of the human books forever,like tears in rain, but the thoughts will be eternal. To explain the happiness is impossible even for fate. It's just a pure halcyon set to last more than a existences conceivable number. Stupid gay nigger humans think I'm crazy. " Or they think I'm childish. Ha ha ha, because I can't solve [math equation]. That makes me dumb! Because I can't stay thinking in a 2nd dimension, I go to the 5th! 17 Haha. So I wait 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 eternities, & I know her & I are all conceived from ourselves & each other, every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we are conceived, we have finished the race. Time to die. Everything we knew we were able to understand it, to perceive it, into what we should. Everything we knew, We know & use. An understanding of the everything. An Einstein stuck in an Ant's body.We are the nature of existence. The zombies were a test, to see if our love was genuine. Weare in wait of our reward, each other. The zombies will never cause us pain anymore. The humanity was a test. I love you, love. Time to die, a time to be free, time to love.

and wrote:

Within the known limits of time . . . within the conceived boundaries of space . . . the average human thinks those are the settings of existence . . . yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions,” says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions — L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought — Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists — anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them.
Another . . . a dream.
Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 [degrees] to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, &
then. . . . BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life. Hypnosis place — It is a sky — with one large cloud, & sort of a cloud-made chair — the sun is at the head of the chair . . . 10 o’clock up into the sky . . . Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth — sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair — actually like a chaise — & I am talking . . . to what? I don’t know — it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t . . . & we talk like we are the same person
— like he’s my soul. . . .
The everlasting contrast. . . .
Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the ever-lasting contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers — but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception — most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!

And the rest of the diary interspersed with depressing thoughts.

Hm I had not heard of the 5th dimension. It is an interesting thought I do not know if he was speaking of this or if he was just using the word 5 because there were 5 days left. But it is interesting that he wanted love and thought if he died he would find it and the 5th dimension has to do with love.

I think that they're just numbers thrown out randomly. Like when you say "I've just solved a 15th degree polynomial equation" to brag about something which required a lot of cognitive effort to be understood properly.
Or maybe Dylan could have moved to the 6th dimension and discovered Calabi-Yau hyperstructures. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] It's just one step forward.

The five he mentions and draws constantly. And his drawings are also quite unusual.

Love wrote:

The five he mentions and draws constantly. And his drawings are also quite unusual.

That does not mean anything. Asemic artists, designers and even scientists create quite unusual representation of our reality or hypothetical ones, but they don't claim to have access to a "5th dimension where love can be found". For what it's worth, it could as well be on the 245th plane of existence, so what's the point we're going to prove?

He should've stayed alive and taken like, philosophy or studied metaphysical science in college or something.

I'm not trying to prove the existence of something))) I'm not advocating anything and don't practice, just noticeable obvious similarities of these teachings and the records of Dylan. I want to understand Dylan.
Here he draws  four concentric boxes titled "Existence." The four levels are labeled "most," "some,""Few," and "none." "Me" is placed outside all the boxes. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
The people inside the boxes. The walls they are certain standards or norms of society that limit the mind. Dylan's not like all the others, so he's outside in its own box.

Quote :

people are alike
I am different — Dylan

People flock from the boxes to infinity (after death?). Infinity is a kind of afterlife. Apparently in "infinity" time does not matter.
Dylan was depressed and constantly thinking about death that will deliver him from suffering. He can't change his life. All that he can dream of a better place. He wants to materialize the thought. Thought can materialize in the fifth dimension.

Quote :

Thought is the most powerful thing that exists — anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them.

True ponderer - Dylan.

Quote :

Awareness signs the warrant for suffering. Why is it that the zombies achieve something me wants (overdeveloped me). They can love, why can’t I? The true existor lives in solitude, always aware, always infinite, always looking for, his love.

Sometimes he thinks that reality is dependent on thoughts. The reality may be a creation of the mind, an illusion. He is interested in can science confirm it.

Quote :

My existence is shit to me — how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake — artificial, induced by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart. . . . & I sit & think . . . science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now — like the mind — yet if the mind is viewed scientifically . . . hmm

Sometimes he tries to improve his life by a moral purification. But it's not helping. Depression becomes harder and harder.

Quote :

I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people (at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally

Lost Highway.  In the movie highway is the bridge between the two realities. As the fourth dimension is the bridge between the third and fifth. As if the film describes the life of Dylan. The highway is his way, the existence of eternal suffering.

Quote :

The Lost Highway sounds like a movie about me . . .

Quote :

I should feel happy, but shit brought me down. I feel terrible. The Lost Highway apparently repeats. . . itself.

Quote :

The lost highway, & downward spiral never end.

Life gives Dylan the pain. He wants to get to the point of destination. The end of his journey is where he finally will be happy.

Quote :

Peace might be the ultimate destination. . . destination unknown. . . . I want happiness . . . abandonment is present for the martyr. My thoughts exist in, want to live in. I want to find a room in the great hall & stay there w my love forever.

He paints the highway leading to love and happiness. Road signs is very interesting. To the left the cross of Dylan as a symbol of internal struggle, a symbol of duality. The right figure is five (can be a fifth dimension?). The symbol of infinity is also present.
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Also, Dylan talks about his "knowledge". Sometimes he wants to share them with people.

Quote :

I know that I am different, yet I am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me. I guess being yourself means letting people know about inner thoughts too, not just opinions & fashions.

Basically he believes that people are not worthy of his knowledge, they cannot understand, they are too primitive. Only the gods can know the truth, only a highly developed personality.

Quote :

The everything, the halcyon, the happiness is ours, there will be no notes from me. Let the humans suffer without my knowledge of the everything.

Quote :

Humans are zombies, they scratch for acceptance & greed & kill themselves thru each other. They will never learn, or maybe they will, but wont have the strength to learn to be aware is not a trait, it’s a godlike thing.

Quote :

The zombies will pay for their being, their nature. I know everything, yet I know nothing. I am a true god. My infinite memories, thoughts, perceivations of purity come a lot more with her, there is pure pure happiness — the purpose of our existence. I hate, love things, hate everything, love me & . I understand that I can never ever be a zombie, even if I wanted to. The nature of my entity. Soon we will live in the halcyons of our minds, the one thing that made me a god. Things are so simple, now that they are infinitely complicated. HAHAHAHA. I understand whatever of everything. I am the god of the everything. Fate is my only master.
This is probably my last entry. I love my self close second to my everlasting love.
Goodbye.
I will never stop learning

Dylan also tells about halcyon. It is his personal Paradise. Its reality is created by thought. Place of eternal love, peace and happiness. He can create it because he has reached the level of God (made up of the fifth dimension?). Partly he realizes that this place exists only in his imagination. Apparently suicide will help him shed his human shell, the body, which prevents his soul got into halcyon.

Quote :

I hate this non-thinking stasis. I’m stuck in humanity. Maybe going “NBK” (gawd) with Eric is the way to break free. I hate this.

Indigo was Eric’s nickname, and Green was Dylan’s. Eric apparently was referring to the Indigo children. Why Dylan chose the green? Maybe it was just his favorite color. But maybe because green in some mystical teachings means love.
It seems of all infinitely probable variants of development of events Dylan wants to choose eternal love
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It is interesting that Dylan is not just interested in girls as an object of love. He cares about who of the girls is his true love. Maybe he has in mind who will reciprocate? Although in one of his last notes he does not mention the specific name because he doesn't know who his soulmate, his true love. But he desperately wants to reunite with his lover, he believes that she may as well suffer as he did, he believed that they would be reunited after death. Lines from his diary sound simultaneously creepy and sad:

Quote :

The zombies were a test, to see if our love was genuine. We are in wait of our reward, each other. The zombies will never cause us pain anymore. The humanity was a test. I love you, love. Time to die, time to be free, time to love.

Found a rather interesting opinion on the topic of the diary of Dylan (and Eric).
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