Brad Bernall critizes H &K parents in 2010

What do you think of what he said here?

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I watched a video about this a couple of days ago and I found what they said kind of wrong. I dont perceived Susan in his essay, like if she was trying to say that Dylan's suicide was the most tragic thing in the massacre, she also mentioned his actions and how it still haunts her but of course that is not easy to confront the suicide of your kid and then the murders that he committed. The Bernalls can't understand it and they think that the Klebolds had to do the same that they did with Cassie but not all the parents act like that, exist parents that are always there but still leave their kid to be very independent and it doesnt mean that they are bad parents, my own parents are like that and they are notI feel bad for Susan because I am sure that she didnt want to hurt anyone with what she wrote or was trying to say those things., is good that the Bernalls feel sympathy for both families but they can't pretend to teach other parents how to raise their kid, just because they were controlling and lucky enough to discovered what Cassie was doing.

I agree.The Bernalls have both been pretty critical of the H & K parents over the last several years.What they have said is mild in comparison to things other families have said, but they have both said  in so many words that the parents of E &D were lacking, neglectful parents and I do not agree with that.

I think I touched on this in another thread but I'll elaborate on my opinion here:

I was a Suicidal/Depressed teenager. I went to a school that was much like Columbine for two years and then was transferred to another school for grade 9 (Canadian... we don't have middle school). The emotional hurt I endured in those two years left me feeling deeply depressed and suicidal. I still, to this day, believe that had I not left that school I would not be writing this message. Yes, it was that traumatizing.

My main reason for researching Columbine has to do with MANY similarities I feel exist between myself and Dylan (although I was not that smart at 17... noooo).

As a child of parents who are not all too emotive or involved all I can really say is that: it doesn't help. If anything the parenting style might have allowed depression and rage to subsist... but it was not the cause.

This sort of reminds me of a comment I read on twitter that we should teach kids to have a thicker skin in order to prevent teen suicide due to peer victimization. The parents could not have known the full extent of what was going on with Eric and Dyl. The only way to really know is to have very good communication with your kids, which, most people today do not have. The problem here is with more than E/D's parents. It is a problem with society at large.

I believe the Bernalls also stated that E/D should have been separated.

I don't feel that separating the boys in the months before the attack would have done much. To be perfectly honest with you Dylan's parents don't seem to have known their son all that well and to ask them to be that involved would have been outside of their parenting style (note: this is my impression - this comes from the fact that they did not know that Dyl and Byron were not talking and the fact that they did not become all too anxious about the weight loss prior to the attack from what I've read).

The thing is: many of the victim's parents will say that more should have been done. But they were not Eric or Dylan's parents. And, in many cases they did not know them. What struck me about Dylan is his response to the psychology questionnaire in the evidence. He IS clearly depressed from his writings but has the presence of mind to hide this fact from police officials. That is certainly not something I would have done at the age of 17.

As for Eric, he was supposed to be on medication. The only thing you can do in that case is ensure that he takes it.

I mean what more can you do. You're not going to chain your kid to a chair in the basement when you have no indication that they are going to go out and try to hurt someone. Who thinks that their kid is going to go out and shoot up the school anyways.

Accepting that your kid is troubled is a process. I mean, it's been 15 years and from what I've seen I don't think the Klebolds have accepted the full extent of Dylan's issues.

I don't disagree with anything said so far but I do have to say that I don't know how I would react if my daughter was murdered. I can't blame any of the victim's families for being mad at E & D's parents.

I don't think society or the media should blame them, but victims families I think certainly have that right. Double standard? Maybe...but I don't think so.

I don't deny it would be difficult. But I also think that blaming a parent isn't the solution. Fact is there is a lot of research that proves that parents alone aren't to blame.

And in the case of a true psychopath you wouldn't even know.

I think it's just an easy target for their anger that they haven't dealt with.

That's some pretty light criticism from the Bernalls.

Their comments might be much kinder than other families but I don't think I'd call terming somebody as lacking, neglectful parents mild.That must be pretty insulting to any parent .

Z_Splatter wrote:

I don't disagree with anything said so far but I do have to say that I don't know how I would react if my daughter was murdered. I can't blame any of the victim's families for being mad at E & D's parents.

I don't think society or the media should blame them, but victims families I think certainly have that right. Double standard? Maybe...but I don't think so.

But E&D's parents are victims just as they are.They have suffered greatly and they didn't do anything to deserve this happening.

PaintItBlack wrote:

Their comments might be much kinder than other families but I don't think I'd call terming somebody as lacking, neglectful parents mild.That  must be pretty insulting to any parent .

Not all criticism is meant to be insulting.

Maybe not, but I'm sure that E &D's parents probably wouldn't like or agree with that,especially since it seems they feel they did the best they could knowing what they knew at the time.I know I wouldn't appreciate it if I were in their shoes. Most parents probably wouldn't.

As easy as it may be for Brad and Misty to blame the parents in part, it's easier for people on a computer to say what they would do or think (who played an indirect role in the massacre, how it could have been prevented) if their child was murdered. Just saying.

Its also easy for people on a computer to say what they'd do ,think or feel if their child did a shooting like this.That can go both ways.

You don't say. You'd have a point if I ever said what I would do, think, or feel if my child was a murderer.

I want to make it clear that I don't blame Eric and Dylan's parents for the massacre at all.

gutenfxckintag wrote:

You don't say. You'd have a point if I ever said what I would do, think, or feel if my child was a murderer.

I was only pointing out that that can and does go both ways,which is a valid point in my opinion.

Cassie's parents have the right to express their opinions..I'm sure they really do believe this.I just disagree that E &D's parents were neglectful parents.

My initial point was that it goes both ways but okay. That comment right above me I agree with^

Even though they believe that.,I still can't help wishing people wouldn't say those things because I think it must be hurtful to the H&K's even years later. However,they are going to say it since they believe it and they do have the right to speak so that's the end of it.