Dave Cullen's hypocrisy

Cullen and some guy named Mike Hutchisson have been going at it - something about whether or not gay people should laugh about homophobia.

Been a long time since anyone told me when I’m allowed to laugh—nuns!—so now I’m curious: Are you gay? @HutchissonMike

Ah, yes - he went to Catholic school. No doubt he got whacked with rulers all the time.

I still want to know whether you’re gay. @HutchissonMike

That, Dave, you will never know. If we choose to set you free when we have finished with you, and if you live to be ninety years old, still you will never learn whether the answer to that question is Yes or No. As long as you live it will be an unsolved riddle in your mind.

Oh, wait - you were talking to that Mike guy. Who gives a fuck who he fucks?

.@BobbySneakers just jumped up on me and licked me 1st time today. Progress! Still won’t play w/ his toys, but mostly stopped whistling.

Bobby Sneakers is a dog - a corgi.

At first I thought Bobby might be a person.

.@BobbySneakers is still a bit nervous: pacing, sad whistling noise, searching for his mommy, returning to the door.

Yes, that was the reaction I had after I read your book. It was so horrendously awful that I began regressing to childhood. I sucked my thumb for weeks.

Oh, I’ve been meaning to do my first vine! I should do @BobbySneakers! Yeah, he has provided me many hours of joy. @taylordobbs

Bestiality is a serious crime, Dave! Dogs are not capable of giving consent!

Shame on you!

And I LOVE @BobbySneakers? (Who wouldn’t.) @taylordobbs

Yeah, dogs are great. They're endlessly loving and loyal.

If I were a dog, would I be devoting this much time and mental energy to mocking your tweets? Of course not. Dogs can't even type!

Wow, u know ur corgis! We’re doing a 2-day test, to see if I can handle helping out occasionally, and/or dog ownership. @taylordobbs

You've never had a dog, Dave? Not even as a kid? Wow.

Breakfast without @BobbySneakers. What a joy have him this weekend. Seriously considering getting one. What an amazing creation for man.

Are dogs created? I know they are bred, but is that the same thing as created?

So disappointed for Dragon. RT @Deadline BIG Father's Day fade for @JumpStMovies ($57M tops), #HTTYD2 ($49.5M tops), #TFIOS (down 69%).

So How to Train Your Dragon 2 didn't do as well as DreamWorks hoped.

Do you own DreamWorks stock, Dave? Do you know any of the people who worked on the movie?

Thx. RT @iloveteaching2: "Columbine" I learned many new facts;

You learned many new facts? What facts? The fact that Eric Harris was a swaggering Lothario who boinked Brenda Parker? The fact that poor little Dylan was a dickless emo who shat his pants every time big bad Eric glanced in his direction? The fact that Dave Cullen is psychic? (He has to be - he describes the killers' thoughts in detail.)

Those aren't facts, my dear ... they're falsehoods.

it cleared up misinformation.

Yes. The world thought that Eric Harris was a dorky virgin, but we now know that he was a regular Casanova.

Surprisingly couldn't put it down...

So the book got stuck to your hands? How'd you get it off?

LPorter101 wrote:

Thx. RT @iloveteaching2: "Columbine" I learned many new facts;

You learned many new facts? What facts? The fact that Eric Harris was a swaggering Lothario who boinked Brenda Parker? The fact that poor little Dylan was a dickless emo who shat his pants every time big bad Eric glanced in his direction? The fact that Dave Cullen is psychic? (He has to be - he describes the killers' thoughts in detail.)

Those aren't facts, my dear ... they're falsehoods.

it cleared up misinformation.

Yes. The world thought that Eric Harris was a dorky virgin, but we now know that he was a regular Casanova.

Surprisingly couldn't put it down...

So the book got stuck to your hands? How'd you get it off?

  

Me too. MT @Savage7289 This guy appearing in my timeline. I like it!! @WomensEyeCandy1 @BookSlutGoddess @jjpsuperman

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Is he your type, Dave? I had you pegged as a chubby chaser.

With ur sleeve. Otherwise.. MT @littlebrown Cover your mouth! Sneeze releases 40,000 germs...Read #ZOOM by Bob Berman [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

I'll admit it - I'm a loud sneezer.

Sometimes my allergies get so bad that I can soak a piece of Kleenex in two or three blows (of my nose, that is).

I BADLY think we need a different name for it, though. Plagiarism is the ultimate writer crime. @AdamWeinstein @markopp1

Worse than lying?

So I think re-using a great line or 2 here/there is fine. (And I may not even remember if I’ve used aloud/TV/written… @AdamWeinstein

Quick - let's all read Cullen's book and try to find the lines that he's stolen from elsewhere!

Biggest dogsitting surprise: I need more human walks! They did wonders for my back, and everything else.

How often do you move around, Dave? Are you holed up in your house all the time?

I'll have you know that I walk all the time ... from the dining room to the bathroom, and then back to the dining room. But I do it constantly, since I'm sitting here guzzling liquids all day!

(Seriously - I can drink a bottle of Zephyrhills in about ten seconds.)

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He does have an amazing body, doesn't he?

The master speaks (in a Valley Girl accent, for some weird reason):
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Takeaways:

1. He wrote a bunch of shit, then threw it all away and started over.

2 He organized his book around ten characters:
* the good cop
* the bad cop
* the angry dad
* the Christian martyr who turned out not to be a martyr
* the heroic teacher, Dave Sanders
* the principal
* the minister
* the boy in the window, Patrick Ireland
* Eric
* Dylan

3. Characters are more important than plot. When we talk about the characters of Columbine, we can come up with all sorts of mushy motivations and inner monologues that may or may not be supported by the actual evidence, whereas when we talk about the plot, we generally must confine ourselves to the sequence of events that actually occurred.

4. The ceiling of Dave Cullen's apartment is utterly fascinating. (He keeps looking up at it.)

The distilled essence of vapidity:
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What the fuck are you on, Dave?

He's not on anything, it turns out - he's merely drunk:
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You're obsessed.

sergeant hartman wrote:

You're obsessed.

Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

I notice Brooks have twitter. Like his tweets about video games and such.

I found Kass's twitter, doesn't tweet much though.

LPorter101 wrote:

He's not on anything, it turns out - he's merely drunk:
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I have been to that pub, shame i didn't bump into him   

I have a headache...

Touching up after cleaning lady, I discovered vacuum attachments.

Raise your hand if you've ever used a vacuum cleaner in a way that it's not supposed to be used.

So easy! haha. Nerd heaven.

See, this is why I've stopped mocking his Twitter posts. It's so easy to let him mock himself.

I really love this! RT @teacherman82 @PaulWHankins students scrambling to library to check out COLUMBINE after reading 1st chapter aloud.

I really, REALLY hate it, myself.

Hopefully at least one of those kids will read the book and ask, "Is there more to the story? Maybe I should do a bit more research."

But odds are that all of them will say, "Well, now I know the incontrovertible truth."

George Orwell wrote:

Everything faded into mist. The past was erased, the erasure was forgotten, the lie became truth.

Fuck you, Dave Cullen.

Thx RT @cinderelladummy finished Columbine. Feel like I understand more about humans and pain. I can't help but cry. It was a beautiful book

After reading his book, you feel like you understand more about humans and pain? Yeah, me too.

Cullen is a human (allegedly). Reading his book was a painful experience for me, akin to passing a kidney stone. After I reached the last page, I took off all my clothes and cowered in the corner of the shower with the hot water streaming over me - it was as if my mind had been raped and I wondered if I would ever feel clean again.

I cried many tears of pain and frustration in the following weeks.

And, yes, the book is beautiful. That photograph of the school is oh-so-tasteful.

Thx! RT @kmenconi: Just finished #Columbine. Very insightful with concrete research. Really eye opening especially the media's influence.

Reading the book made me want to bash my head against a concrete block.

Don't the Hoffschneiders (remember them?) own a concrete company? I think they do - or did at some point, at least.

I love Melissa McCarthy, but what is she doing? Tammy looked awful from 1st preview, & now 22% top-critics rating at RT.

Who's Melissa McCarthy? Oh, wait - she's that fat woman on TV.

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Now, before you say anything, remember that the camera always adds ten pounds. So be nice.

Me too—although she’s on a bad trend. Apparently she played role in kicking out Mike/Molly show runner, now unwatchable. @BrigidKemmerer

I've never watched Mike and Molly, so I don't care one way or another.

Literally unwatchable for me. I took Mke/Molly off my Tivo list. She demanded changes, & it’s been so dumbed down. @BrigidKemmerer

Dave, it's TiVo, not Tivo. Everyone knows that.

Boycott EvilAmazon where it hurts them most. #WarOnBooks RT @PublishersWkly Amazon's New Phone Appears To Be Tanking [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

That's a shame. I encourage everyone to buy as much stuff from Amazon as possible.

Dave Cullen did a Hachette job on Eric and Dylan, so I have little sympathy for him or his publisher.

All Quiet on the Western Front blew me away. I read while in the infantry, felt exactly like my life. RT @tnr WW I

So you were an infantryman - a grunt. Interesting.

How many people did you kill?

What happened, Dave? Did you get sucked into it? Did you like it too much? Davey got too close to the flame. Davey liked it.

In German, the book is called In the West Nothing New. (I would add a comma between West and Nothing, but I'm a pedant.)

How much money has Dave made from Amazon sales in time? A heck of a lot. The fact that he is against them now makes me want to be an Amazon customer more than ever. I like how he calls them "evil." What a melodramatic touch.

Okay, there's something I really want to know.

Has Dave Cullen ever shot anyone? Has he ever killed anyone?

He was born in 1961, so he served as an Army infantryman in the ... late '70s? Early '80s? That was after Vietnam, so he wouldn't have gunned down any gooks. Could he have served in Grenada?

Has he ever fired a bullet at a living, breathing person? If so, when, where, and why?

Often I ask myself, "What if all of my efforts are for naught? What if, in the end, Cullen's book retains its status as The Definite Account of the Columbine Massacre?"

The answer is that, while I hope to see Cullen exposed as a liar before the whole world, I don't need to discredit him, per se, in order to feel that I have accomplished something. If I can manage to convince even one person to take another look at the evidence, then my efforts have been worthwhile.

Ultimately, most people in any given society swallow unquestioningly the orthodoxy spouted by social authorities. Parroting the official line has always been and will always be the safest course of action. The consequences of dissent range from ridicule to exclusion to death.

It has always been thus, and it ever shall be so. It sucks, but there's little we can do about it.

"Man, I hate that Dave Cullen drew conclusions about Eric Harris using the flimsiest of evidence. Okay, back to psychoanalyzing Cullen by what he says on his Twitter account."

sergeant hartman wrote:

"Man, I hate that Dave Cullen drew conclusions about Eric Harris using the flimsiest of evidence.  Okay, back to psychoanalyzing Cullen by what he says on his Twitter account."

You took the words right out of my mouth.

sergeant hartman wrote:

Okay, back to psychoanalyzing Cullen by what he says on his Twitter account."

Dave, feel free to psychoanalyze me. I've already given you a wealth of material.

After 20-yr absence, about to try building w/ Habitat for Humanity again. Just confirmed shift this Saturday.

Be careful with that nail gun, Dave.

Signed the 1 copy of #Columbine at the @barbarasbooks at O’Hare, near gate H4. (Maybe I should let u know when I’m coming. )

Dave, I have absolutely no interest in knowing about your orgasms.

Oh, wait ... you meant something else. My bad.

It’s legal to mock. RT @AP: Fan caught on TV napping...sues ESPN announers for $10M, says they mocked him: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Yes, it most certainly is. Everyone has the right to mock everyone else.

Wow. I had no idea. RT @Slate: It's official: No one wants to host the Winter Olympics. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

You don't have a clue, either, but that's never stopped you before.

That’s reasonable. But my problem is that most kids bored shitless the way we teach English/reading/writing. @rpondiscio

That's why every single English teacher in America needs to force his or her students to read Cullenbine. It's the most exciting book ever written.

We turn reading into a chore, to be despised. We turn most people into lifetime non-readers. (And shuddering non-writers.) @rpondiscio

Who are "we," Dave? You're not an English teacher.

Headed home. Had really nice time w my fambly & made a big dent in dad's garden & fruit trees.

What is a fambly? Do you mean family? Learn to spell.

You made a big dent in your father's garden? When you say that, this is what I see in my mind:
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Just got bumped up to seat airline seat w extra legroom. Ahhhhh. Makes like so much more pleasant.

Yes, it does.

Do you have long legs, Dave? Are you a tall guy?

How tall are you, Dave? 6'2"? 5'4"? 7'1"?

Don't you know that Dave Cullen is an absolute expert on every possible subject? Nobody alive knows more than him about anything.

LPorter101 wrote:

That’s reasonable. But my problem is that most kids bored shitless the way we teach English/reading/writing. @rpondiscio

That's why every single English teacher in America needs to force his or her students to read Cullenbine. It's the most exciting book ever written.

We turn reading into a chore, to be despised. We turn most people into lifetime non-readers. (And shuddering non-writers.) @rpondiscio

Who are "we," Dave? You're not an English teacher.

Hey, Dave Cullen actually (sort of) praised Brooks Brown!

@DaveCullen Have you read Brooks Brown book? (What did you think?) pic.twitter.com/WRrlIGMgmF

Yes. It had some useful info. It’s one high school kid’s point of view, which was also useful to hear. @shontanese

So you're actually admitting that Brooks' book had some merit? Wow.

Brooks, what do you have on Dave?

The word @Amazon makes me shudder now. #WarOnBooks RT @PublishersWkly Amazon Responds to Guild's Richard Russo Letter [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

I know what you mean, Dave. God intended women to be petite and demure. If a bitch is six feet tall, then the least she can do is wear flats!

Oh, wait ... you're talking about the company. Sorry, Dave, I have no sympathy for you. In fact, I'm rooting for Bezos.

Thanks! RT @rpondiscio: Finished Columbine last night. First-rate reporting and brilliant narrative. An exceptional achievement. Bravo.

Every time someone praises Cullen's book, Satan has an orgasm.

LPorter101 wrote:

Every time someone praises Cullen's book, Satan has an orgasm.

   

Glad to be done RT @michaelpestel happy for you. Taking me months to read Columbine b/c it's so painful. Can't imagine living it for 10 yrs+

Reading Cullenbine was a painful experience for me, as well.

By the time I finished the book, I had lost all faith in humanity. I seriously considered disemboweling myself. But then I ate a cookie and life seemed worth living again.