17 years on and I'm still having bad dreams

I debated doing a YT video about it but decided against it.

When I was napping before my night shift yesterday, I had a bad dream about the shooting. First one this year, first one in a long time. It was already fragmented in my memory when I woke up, but only Dylan was in it. Something about a suicide gunshot, the words "son of a bitch" being uttered, a shadow in my bedroom that was there for a full day then was gone when Dylan's body was taken away... I dunno. But I woke up in a full-blown panic attack, almost skipped work. Went in anyway. Cried for about half my shift, only made worse by a coworker who was bossing me around. I'm better now, but...almost don't wanna go to sleep again.

I can't offer any words without feeling like it'd be the wrong thing to say or it wouldn't exactly make you feel better. But it's good that you're alright now and that you decided to push yourself to do what you have to do.

Unless you're trying to make out your bad dreams or trying to understand them, it's better to let it be what they are; just dreams. It may haunt you for a day almost immediately but it will definitely start to fade away. Having said that, I'm also aware it's very significant for you as some of us here know what you went through so I can only genuinely tell you to remain strong.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] it must be horrible to live with this traumatic experience. For many of us, the case is just something "extremely interesting", but for you it is still haunting. Anyway, you must be really brave that you chose to go to work, in spite of this panic attack. And f*ck that bossing coworker  
No wonder that you don't feel like going to sleep again. Is there anything that might help in such situations? (I assume these things are recurring, aren't they?)

Keep in mind that there are many of us on this forum who are thinking about you very often, and only wish you the best!

Moonshadow wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] it must be horrible to live with this traumatic experience. For many of us, the case is just something "extremely interesting", but for you it is still haunting. Anyway, you must be really brave that you chose to go to work, in spite of this panic attack. And f*ck that bossing coworker  
No wonder that you don't feel like going to sleep again. Is there anything that might help in such situations? (I assume these things are recurring, aren't they?)

This is the first time in a while I've had a shooting-related dream; I have no idea what brought it on. The ONLY reason I went to work was because I figured maybe if I moved around a little, it would help distract me. Didn't really help, but by the end of the shift I did feel a little better. And thankfully when I fell asleep later it was MUCH more restful!

Yumeko-chan wrote:

[
This is the first time in a while I've had a shooting-related dream; I have no idea what brought it on.  The ONLY reason I went to work was because I figured maybe if I moved around a little, it would help distract me.  Didn't really help, but by the end of the shift I did feel a little better.  And thankfully when I fell asleep later it was MUCH more restful!

Don't know either. It might be spontaneous.
Anyway, if you felt just a little better by the end of the shift, so it did worth.

C&P'ed from my FB page:

I had another bad dream yesterday, during my nap before my shift. This one involved Mike.

I was driving on a busy street, and came to a stop at a red light. In the left lane I saw a motorcycle, and as the cyclist turned to look at me, I recognized Mike's face. He grinned at me. The light turned green, but my car wouldn't move. Suddenly he appears in my car, and I start screaming as he puts his hands on me. But no one else sees or hears me.

*sigh*

Yumeko-chan wrote:

C&P'ed from my FB page:

I had another bad dream yesterday, during my nap before my shift. This one involved Mike.

I was driving on a busy street, and came to a stop at a red light. In the left lane I saw a motorcycle, and as the cyclist turned to look at me, I recognized Mike's face. He grinned at me. The light turned green, but my car wouldn't move. Suddenly he appears in my car, and I start screaming as he puts his hands on me. But no one else sees or hears me.

*sigh*

May I ask how you are feeling right now?

shades wrote:

Yumeko-chan wrote:

C&P'ed from my FB page:

I had another bad dream yesterday, during my nap before my shift. This one involved Mike.

I was driving on a busy street, and came to a stop at a red light. In the left lane I saw a motorcycle, and as the cyclist turned to look at me, I recognized Mike's face. He grinned at me. The light turned green, but my car wouldn't move. Suddenly he appears in my car, and I start screaming as he puts his hands on me. But no one else sees or hears me.

*sigh*

May I ask how you are feeling right now?

Ok, but I have some simmering rage right now that would like his balls in a blender.

Yumeko-Chan wrote:

Ok, but I have some simmering rage right now that would like his balls in a blender.

By he you mean, Mike? I'm going to assume you know a Mike in your life and he did this awful thing in your dreams somehow? I'm really glad you are okay. You definitely need more time to let this one pass. I'm also glad you decide to come on here and let it out, I hope you know you aren't alone and many of us on here are always willing to hear you out and offer whichever advises we can. I don't wanna say empty things either.

Mike was my molester ex. Did stuff for three years starting shortly after the shooting.

Yumeko-chan wrote:

Mike was my molester ex. Did stuff for three years starting shortly after the shooting.

I'll tell you what Amanda you're definitely stronger than me. But even so I'm not in your shoes and I can't assume how you're feeling as days go by...I'm genuinely sorry for what happened to you.

Yumeko-chan wrote:

I debated doing a YT video about it but decided against it.

When I was napping before my night shift yesterday, I had a bad dream about the shooting.  First one this year, first one in a long time.  It was already fragmented in my memory when I woke up, but only Dylan was in it.  Something about a suicide gunshot, the words "son of a bitch" being uttered, a shadow in my bedroom that was there for a full day then was gone when Dylan's body was taken away...  I dunno.  But I woke up in a full-blown panic attack, almost skipped work.  Went in anyway.  Cried for about half my shift, only made worse by a coworker who was bossing me around.  I'm better now, but...almost don't wanna go to sleep again.

I am very sorry that you are still suffering from all this *hugs*

I'm kinda late but I hope you're feeling well. I think of you often!

You gotta move on. I did a lot of bad things in my life and witnessed a bunch of crap first hand and one day I flipped a switch and decided to do what's best for me. Change for the better. It started with not feeling guilty about the things I've done and not feeling bad about the things I've witnessed.

In some ways you have to be selfish because if you're not, all that bad stuff will eat you up inside until your death. You don't want that shit to win. It's not worth it.

I work for chump change and I'm in my 30's, you think I'm happy where I'm at in life? Hell no. Females tend to cheat on me left and right. Everybody has problems. Don't let that dictate who you are as a person. Don't let what happened 17 years dictate who you are TODAY and you'll do all right in life and have many great nights of sleep.

Sane One wrote:

You gotta move on. I did a lot of bad things in my life and witnessed a bunch of crap first hand and one day I flipped a switch and decided to do what's best for me. Change for the better. It started with not feeling guilty about the things I've done and not feeling bad about the things I've witnessed.

In some ways you have to be selfish because if you're not, all that bad stuff will eat you up inside until your death. You don't want that shit to win. It's not worth it.

I work for chump change and I'm in my 30's, you think I'm happy where I'm at in life? Hell no. Females tend to cheat on me left and right. Everybody has problems. Don't let that dictate who you are as a person. Don't let what happened 17 years dictate who you are TODAY and you'll do all right in life and have many great nights of sleep.

But sometimes you can be a fighter and memory will still betray you. It's not like she has complete control of her dreams? Dreams are dreams and you wake up thinking what the hell was that all about? You can have control how much you think about it afterwards which is why she shared about going to work and doing other stuff to keep herself occupied. She must've been freaked out by the sudden memory of a shitty person so, it's good enough she let it out here so we know what was up.

I hear you. I was just giving a little advice on how to conquer or prevent them.

I know it's difficult to get over things but it must be done otherwise shit will eat you up inside until you die.

Yumeko-chan wrote:

I debated doing a YT video about it but decided against it.

When I was napping before my night shift yesterday, I had a bad dream about the shooting. First one this year, first one in a long time. It was already fragmented in my memory when I woke up, but only Dylan was in it. Something about a suicide gunshot, the words "son of a bitch" being uttered, a shadow in my bedroom that was there for a full day then was gone when Dylan's body was taken away... I dunno. But I woke up in a full-blown panic attack, almost skipped work. Went in anyway. Cried for about half my shift, only made worse by a coworker who was bossing me around. I'm better now, but...almost don't wanna go to sleep again.

I don't mean to be ignorant of what you have been through. But, I was wondering, in your video on the shooting you said you saw them both wearing trench coats. But only Dylan was wearing a trench coat. I was wondering if maybe he just walked in front of Eric or something a few times when you looked. I'm sorry you went through that though.

ubergott wrote:

Yumeko-chan wrote:

I debated doing a YT video about it but decided against it.

When I was napping before my night shift yesterday, I had a bad dream about the shooting.  First one this year, first one in a long time.  It was already fragmented in my memory when I woke up, but only Dylan was in it.  Something about a suicide gunshot, the words "son of a bitch" being uttered, a shadow in my bedroom that was there for a full day then was gone when Dylan's body was taken away...  I dunno.  But I woke up in a full-blown panic attack, almost skipped work.  Went in anyway.  Cried for about half my shift, only made worse by a coworker who was bossing me around.  I'm better now, but...almost don't wanna go to sleep again.

I don't mean to be ignorant of what you have been through. But, I was wondering, in your video on the shooting you said you saw them both wearing trench coats. But only Dylan was wearing a trench coat. I was wondering if maybe he just walked in front of Eric or something a few times when you looked. I'm sorry you went through that though.

Honestly, the only thing I can think of is that possibly I saw Dylan wearing the trenchcoat and thus my mind automatically assumed they were both wearing one.