"Losing a friend is almost the worst thing to happen to a person" - Eric

“Although memories stay with you, the actual friend doesn’t.” “I have lost many great friends, and each and every time I lost one, I went through the worst days of my life.”

Quotes from Eric where he had shared about constantly losing friends, beginning during his childhood years due to the frequent moving he and his family has done throughout up till his teens in Littleton. How much have we thought as to whether he really could've turned out alright had he remained in a place, keeping the friends that meant alot to him as opposed to gradually being empty and used to losing people? There's alot of things Eric has talked about which really reflect the genuine, sentimental side to him. He had such a chance to be normal IMO. If you think about it, he never really had close friends he cared for during his time in Colorado, aside from Dylan.

i've always thought Eric was much more sensitive than a lot of people say, personally, or talk about for that matter. not to mention he seemed a lot more open to getting help than Dylan did. i know some people agree with me on here (including you maybe?) that he was a lot softer etc than people like to talk about. i dunno, maybe he would have had a chance to be normal if he didn't move to Colorado and away from a lot of the close friends he had. i can see it happening either way, really. i mean...i still think he would have had mental health issues as you're born with that and that doesn't go away. mental illness can't be cured. it can be lessened. it can be coped with (i should know. i struggle with my own illnesses everyday of my life). but it can't be "cured" or anything. but perhaps he would have had more of a support system and understanding with his old friends?

I think both Eric and Dylan could be more "normal" and "nicer" than they were. I think it was the "perfect storm" of things coming together. Eric moving and losing his friends, and then moving to CO and meeting Dylan. Dylan also has had some really nice stories told about him.

Their personalities brought them together but also made them isolated from others. Once you feel the world is out to get you, you are out to get the world.

If Eric would have never moved to CO I think both of them would have been ok. Dylan makes me wonder sometimes because I start to think well maybe he wouldn't have been ok...he was already extremely self conscious and doing "bad" things with Zach before Eric. But there is also a part of me that thinks without the isolation that he had with Eric he would have done way better.

Lizpuff wrote:

I think both Eric and Dylan could be more "normal" and "nicer" than they were.  I think it was the "perfect storm" of things coming together.  Eric moving and losing his friends, and then moving to CO and meeting Dylan.  Dylan also has had some really nice stories told about him.  

Their personalities brought them together but also made them isolated from others.  Once you feel the world is out to get you, you are out to get the world.  

If Eric would have never moved to CO I think both of them would have been ok.  Dylan makes me wonder sometimes because I start to think well maybe he wouldn't have been ok...he was already extremely self conscious and doing "bad" things with Zach before Eric.  But there is also a part of me that thinks without the isolation that he had with Eric he would have done way better.

I totally agree with you.

And yet, he planned on blowing up many of his friends in the cafeteria, and even apologized in advance to them on video in case they got killed....

ThoughtBox wrote:

And yet, he planned on blowing up many of his friends in the cafeteria, and even apologized in advance to them on video in case they got killed....

Very true. By that time it was too late. He did say there were people he didn't want to die but his anger overshadowed that and by the end it didn't matter who died.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "i can see it happening either way, really. i mean...i still think he would have had mental health issues as you're born with that and that doesn't go away. mental illness can't be cured. it can be lessened. it can be coped with (i should know. i struggle with my own illnesses everyday of my life). but it can't be "cured" or anything. but perhaps he would have had more of a support system and understanding with his old friends?" I agree. that's a very good way to put it, that either way a mental illness is still a mental illness, but the scenery, support system, old friends, and being comfortable at a place he might have strongly regarded as home could've been a better form of coping. Hence, the moving I feel might've fucked him up just a little bit. I would say maybe tiny added factor to his breakdown.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "I think both Eric and Dylan could be more "normal" and "nicer" than they were. I think it was the "perfect storm" of things coming together. Eric moving and losing his friends, and then moving to CO and meeting Dylan. Dylan also has had some really nice stories told about him.

Their personalities brought them together but also made them isolated from others. Once you feel the world is out to get you, you are out to get the world.

If Eric would have never moved to CO I think both of them would have been ok. Dylan makes me wonder sometimes because I start to think well maybe he wouldn't have been ok...he was already extremely self conscious and doing "bad" things with Zach before Eric. But there is also a part of me that thinks without the isolation that he had with Eric he would have done way better."

Realllyyy well put.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "And yet, he planned on blowing up many of his friends in the cafeteria, and even apologized in advance to them on video in case they got killed.... Rolling Eyes" Exactly! It's such a morbid contradiction and that's why Eric is soooo interesting to me. It's like, once upon a time he gave a fuck, he cared about people, he tried and tried and tried and he kept losing them, so might aswell debunk what he strongly believed in by committing the murder to end everything + himself. He didn't know what friends or love meant anymore.

This is also a good tie with him crying in the car when he talked about his old friends via the basement tapes. They really meant SO much to him. Those memories were intensely nostalgic and he must've felt so dark inside. Things used to be so good for him, why did they have to be taken away?

I even wonder about Chris Morris. When Eric moved to CO, he was "preppy" wearing Polos and Khaki pants and playing soccer. Then he and Dylan started to hang around Chris and wearing all black and listening to darker bands

I wonder if Eric would have moved and hung out with someone else or another group such as the jocks what would have happened?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] For me at least, I think that whole transition of identity, appearance etc was just part of usual adolescent phase where one doesn't really know who they are yet, so the change is just a normal aspect. but the part that matters is what and who they follow to breed them, so in this case - the whole dark/goth thing, plus meeting Dylan. now firstly I don't usually want to blame it on musical/artistic influences either because it's up to the individual to know what's right from wrong while having an interest in something. but did it give Eric let's say, some kind of push and in a way confidence to go out of his way to be different? to fuel his present anger and sadness? lyrics he can relate to, video games to express the rage? Sure. and with Dylan by his side and Chris? it filled the void Eric had, in a really tragic way. but despite that, Chris departed from the circle along the way and it was just Dyl throughout. The names we know were mainly acquaintances to him imo and not friends at all. He was still empty.

Had he met jocks it would have been really different but in the first place if he even said a word to them it would not work out at all lol. They wouldn't even allow him to breathe the same air as them. Psh, you know. Jocks.

liquorvamp wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] For me at least, I think that whole transition of identity, appearance etc was just part of usual adolescent phase where one doesn't really know who they are yet, so the change is just a normal aspect. but the part that matters is what and who they follow to breed them, so in this case - the whole dark/goth thing, plus meeting Dylan. now firstly I don't usually want to blame it on musical/artistic influences either because it's up to the individual to know what's right from wrong while having an interest in something. but did it give Eric let's say, some kind of push and in a way confidence to go out of his way to be different? to fuel his present anger and sadness? lyrics he can relate to, video games to express the rage? Sure. and with Dylan by his side and Chris? it filled the void Eric had, in a really tragic way. but despite that, Chris departed from the circle along the way and it was just Dyl throughout. The names we know were mainly acquaintances to him imo and not friends at all. He was still empty.

Had he met jocks it would have been really different but in the first place if he even said a word to them it would not work out at all lol. They wouldn't even allow him to breathe the same air as them. Psh, you know. Jocks.

Very true. I wasn't goth myself in H.S. but I hung around them. And there are plenty of people that wear dark clothing and listen to Rammstein and don't do any violent acts for sure. I feel bad at times for the people Eric and Dylan were before all of the anger and sadness. What they did was unspeakable and horrible but I feel bad for the kids that they were.

It's like looking at the evolution of their school photos. Both were smiling smiling smiling then the smiles slowly disappear.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "What they did was unspeakable and horrible but I feel bad for the kids that they were.

It's like looking at the evolution of their school photos. Both were smiling smiling smiling then the smiles slowly disappear."

Right?! it's insanely obvious. The smiles just start to fade, and the hollow eyes are so menacing and tragic. It's like that smashing pumpkins song, the line about being a little boy once. They wanted the same thing as everybody else but society just pushed them back of what they deserved. They felt less and inadequate.

liquorvamp wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "And yet, he planned on blowing up many of his friends in the cafeteria, and even apologized in advance to them on video in case they got killed.... Rolling Eyes" Exactly! It's such a morbid contradiction and that's why Eric is soooo interesting to me. It's like, once upon a time he gave a fuck, he cared about people, he tried and tried and tried and he kept losing them, so might aswell debunk what he strongly believed in by committing the murder to end everything + himself. He didn't know what friends or love meant anymore.

This is also a good tie with him crying in the car when he talked about his old friends via the basement tapes. They really meant SO much to him. Those memories were intensely nostalgic and he must've felt so dark inside. Things used to be so good for him, why did they have to be taken away?

So do you feel that you just want to blame the whole mess on the fact he was from a military family who moved and changed residences often, causing him to lose friends?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] of course not. I however would bring to light that this plays a factor, because not everybody can suck up and deal with loss well. Seems like he can't. Loss sucks.
Plus all I'm doing is talk about the few things we manage to find out about Eric before his meltdown and what upsets him.

well, i also think he reacted the way he did because of his personality. if you read some of the essay [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] in this thread it talks about how his introverted and shy personality couldn't really take moving so much, because it was hard for him to make friends already as he wasn't his brother.

someone with that kind of personality i think wants stability because they don't like change very much. having to acclimate to something over and over and over again and then...i just think this was apart of the last straw for him. since he tried to acclimate at CO but it never worked out for him. =/
i mean...thats really fucking tough. especially for an overly sensitive child. i also wonder: it seems like he started to get anxiety over losing people because he moved so much? is that fair to say?

I would agree completely when saying the moving all over messed him up.
I feel it would mess up anyone at that age to an extent.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] I think so, perhaps. Anxiety might've developed later in his life when his issues accumulated and came to light much more while he was in columbine. I think in addition being on meds played a part too. God I really wonder had he never been on meds at all, if he wasn't chemically altered/imbalanced.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] Being on meds? Do we know that this affected him? Oh, wait...was it because those particular meds have weird side effects ooor?

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] If you're being chemically altered wouldn't it play a part on your sense of rationality or thinking/decision making. All the more since he rapidly switched from one to another, and stopped taking them for a certain period of time

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] yeah, i can definitely see that if he stopped taking them and switched from one to another like that. thats...not something you should ever do without consulting a physician etc. yeah, i can see that.

I think a big factor here is not just moving, but transitioning from a military community into a non-military community.  All his life he'd lived at military bases or around military bases......so he was with mostly other military kids who were also use to moving around a lot and from a similar background and more accepting of "the new kid".  When he moved to Colorado I'm quite sure everything was completely different. Everyone in Littleton knew each other......they had a history.  They'd known each other since elementary school.  And this was the first time Eric had been in a non-military community, so it wasn't as easy to fit in......at least not with the popular crowd.  But overall, in the grand scheme of things, I think this was only a small part of the reason Columbine happened.  Even if he wasn't the most popular kid at school, he still had a small group of friends and of course, Dylan, who he considered to be his best friend.

I really think that if Eric had become best friends with someone other than Dylan.....someone who wasn't so depressed .....Eric's personality could have developed in a completely different way and maybe the whole thing would have never happened. They brought out the worst in each other.

liquorvamp wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "What they did was unspeakable and horrible but I feel bad for the kids that they were.

It's like looking at the evolution of their school photos. Both were smiling smiling smiling then the smiles slowly disappear."

Right?! it's insanely obvious. The smiles just start to fade, and the hollow eyes are so menacing and tragic. It's like that smashing pumpkins song, the line about being a little boy once. They wanted the same thing as everybody else but society just pushed them back of what they deserved. They felt less and inadequate.

God, people are so quick to portray Eric and Dylan as the poor victims driven to do what they did by the school, their peers, society etc    

P.S. I hate that whole "their smiles kept fading throughout the years" BS, that's not even accurate:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

There are also numerous reports in the 11k that they sure were smiling right before they aimed their weapons at innocent kids/staff who had never even met them. Lots to smile and laugh about as their victims were either already dead or dying and the injured screamed in agony and terror. I'm getting really sick and tired of people defending these two pieces of shit.

bubbles wrote:

liquorvamp wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] "What they did was unspeakable and horrible but I feel bad for the kids that they were.

It's like looking at the evolution of their school photos. Both were smiling smiling smiling then the smiles slowly disappear."

Right?! it's insanely obvious. The smiles just start to fade, and the hollow eyes are so menacing and tragic. It's like that smashing pumpkins song, the line about being a little boy once. They wanted the same thing as everybody else but society just pushed them back of what they deserved. They felt less and inadequate.

God, people are so quick to portray Eric and Dylan as the poor victims driven to do what they did by the school, their peers, society etc    

P.S. I hate that whole "their smiles kept fading throughout the years" BS, that's not even accurate:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

There are also numerous reports in the 11k that they sure were smiling right before they aimed their weapons at innocent kids/staff who had never even met them. Lots to smile and laugh about as their victims were either already dead or dying and the injured screamed in agony and terror. I'm getting really sick and tired of people defending these two pieces of shit.

Eric's smile in his 7th grade pic looks so genuine and sweet.  But his smile in his senior pic looks quite deceitful.

Yep, he sure was an evil-looking little fucker, kinda ratty-looking too with his very sharp features. I remember seeing a comment somewhere saying "Eric Harris: he looked like a rat and died like one". Kind of accurate, but it's an insult to rats, in all honesty. Anyway, Eric would probably be stoked to hear that he looks evil, as I think the "evil" look was definitely what he was going for, esp since he was definitely doing a spree-killer equivalent of "blue steel" in this shot below lol:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Why do mass shooters insist of going for "badass" pictures? It's really corny:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Good that they never released Adam Lanza's ones.

I think Eric's senior pictures were very nice and flattering.I see no evil look there.When Eric smiled , he could and often did look very genuine and nice.
The only time I ever saw him have an "evil" look is in the second senior class picture where they were all posing normally.
He looked like a nice guy overall.I've even heard him described as baby faced.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

But then I notice people always describe every killer as looking evil after the fact.

Every killer? I don't think Dylan looked particularly evil in his photos. Just a bit awkward and goofy.

I've also heard people who knew Eric in high school describe him as evil-looking in the 11k, but I can see how people's accounts can differ, as a couple mentioned him as cute etc. I guess it all comes down to different perspectives.

Maybe not every killer but I've heard people say that about almost every single killer I can ever think of ,yes.
They say they have evil or dead eyes or their evil comes out through their expression or you can just tell how evil they are just by looking at them.
For an example of people saying this about women I've heard it these comments about Jodi Arias, Casey Anthony and Susan Smith just off the top of my head.

The thing about that particular senior photo of Eric is that he kinda had a half smile/ half smirk look on his face, making it seem like he was mocking someone.  I think just about every other mass murderer is goofy looking, especially Dylann Storm Roof. The thing about mass murderers.... Most look goofy and not very intimidating in their pics even when they're trying to look evil.  But when I look at pics of serial killers.... Like Ted Bundy and Aileen Wuornos, I get chills down my spine.  I feel terrified just looking at a photo of Bundy.

Freezingmoon wrote:

The thing about that particular senior photo of Eric is that he kinda had a half smile/ half smirk look on his face, making it seem like he was mocking someone.  I think just about every other mass murderer is goofy looking, especially Dylann Storm Roof. The thing about mass murderers.... Most look goofy and not very intimidating in their pics even when they're trying to look evil.  But when I look at pics of serial killers.... Like Ted Bundy and Aileen Wuornos, I get chills down my spine.  I feel terrified just looking at a photo of Bundy.

Do you have any sympathy for Aileen? She had a terrible life.Have you ever seen the movie Monster about her with Charlize Theron? I believe she won an Oscar for the role.How sad.She was truly mentally ill.


Ted Bundy was well.. a necrophiliac .He was frightening but must have been totally insane.Same with Gary Ridgeway,the Green River killer.

Yes, I feel very empathetic toward Aileen.  I've watched several documentaries about her and she had a pretty rough life. As far as Bundy goes, no... Not much empathy there. Have you watched court footage of him? The guy was more than just a necrophiliac.  He actually enjoyed killing his victims and even said so himself.  He tried to blame porn for what he did, which was bullshit.  He then tried to blame the victims themselves.... Saying that some people are weak... Look weak... And are just asking for it. 

When I think of psychopaths, I think of Ted Bundy. He didn't want fame.  He didn't want to be caught.  He didn't want to die.  He couldn't even admit to all the things he'd done.  He didn't hate himself.  He didn't hate humanity.  He simply felt nothing for his victims. He used them for what he wanted and disposed of them like a used tissue.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] first of all noticing the smiles/look in their eyes in every picture doesn't make me defend them, nor does it mean I am. analyzing a person's breakdown does not make me defend them at all. Secondly, of course we all knew how "happy" and in delight they were when they were puling the trigger on 4/20. If it's a put-on delight or it's the delight of it all coming to an end, so? and? Yeah we, we know how happy they were to finally be killing people. We've discussed how liberating they might've felt resorting to the decision to go out with a bang.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] the senior class photo pose Eric made was deliberate which actually amused me tbh. He made himself look like he was mocking on purpose, almost like "Hah if you only knew what's coming." and also in regards to Aileen, I have a little sympathy for her, won't deny it, I do. Monster was a good movie, Charlize did a kickass job, and the documentary on Aileen was a good one too.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] good insight on the military raising Eric had been through, didn't realize that.

Freezingmoon wrote:

Yes, I feel very empathetic toward Aileen.  I've watched several documentaries about her and she had a pretty rough life. As far as Bundy goes, no... Not much empathy there. Have you watched court footage of him? The guy was more than just a necrophiliac.  He actually enjoyed killing his victims and even said so himself.  He tried to blame porn for what he did, which was bullshit.  He then tried to blame the victims themselves.... Saying that some people are weak... Look weak... And are just asking for it. 

When I think of psychopaths, I think of Ted Bundy. He didn't want fame.  He didn't want to be caught.  He didn't want to die.  He couldn't even admit to all the things he'd done.  He didn't hate himself.  He didn't hate humanity.  He simply felt nothing for his victims. He used them for what he wanted and disposed of them like a used tissue.

I don't doubt that he enjoyed what he was doing and had a massive compulsion to do it.I've always thought he could have stayed on the lam for a long time after he broke out of jail the last time and went to Florida if he could have controlled his sick urges .I read that he had every intention of not killing again but after a few weeks he was like a beast unrestrained and  went crazy killing woman and girls again.I don't think he probably could control himself .He was that sick and had that strong of a sick compulsion. I just think the guy was insane.To me, anyone that could or would have sex with a dead body that had been lying out in the woods for so many days would have to be insane.The thought of that makes me stomach churn.To say the guy was just insane probably sounds simplistic but I don't know how else to describe it.
Of course I believe that Bundy was possessed by evil spiritual forces too but if you aren't religious that's going to sound crazy to you so I won't go into that here.

I feel sorry for Aileen too that she was executed.She is one of those people who had everything going against them from Day 1.However,I think she said that she would rather be executed than spend the rest of her life in prison so maybe she's better off? Sad, sad story all the way around.

What she did was very wrong but after seeing the movie and reading a book on her, I can understand why she hated men so much.
The part in the film where the cop orally raped her sickened me.

liquorvamp wrote:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] of course not. I however would bring to light that this plays a factor, because not everybody can suck up and deal with loss well. Seems like he can't. Loss sucks.
Plus all I'm doing is talk about the few things we manage to find out about Eric before his meltdown and what upsets him.

Ok, just checking.

Eric listed his move from NY as one of the most traumatic events in his life. I know some dispute the validity of Eric's answers on his diversion documents but I believe he was being truthful