Plan to honour the victims upset my mother.

So for the 20th this year, I wanted to do a balloon release for the victims. I wanted to honour them, but it would also be the day I let them go. Let them soar in the air like balloons. I would take 13 balloons, and write the names of each of the victims on them. I would release them in a nice park. I asked my mom if we could do that.

Her reaction was terrible. She told me that balloon releases were bad for the environment. I asked if we could plant trees instead, and she said that would be ok, but not in front of the family. These were her literal words: "They would think that’s fucked up...coz it is".



Yeah, that really hurt me.

To call this investment I have: to honour the victims and to finally let the tragedy go, is seen by my own mother as "creepy" and an "unhealthy obsession". When I called her out on it, she said: "I’m not making you feel anything you don’t know is true: it’s not healthy and is not a source of joy for you".

I know she's trying to keep my emotions in check, but her just dismissing something that matters a lot to me as "disturbing" really, really hurts my feelings. She made me feel like a freak.

I know that it's not the answer you would like to have and I may be a bit of a self-flagellating old fart myself but I don't think she is totally wrong. Our interest is morbid and I agree that reading and debating everyday about people who murdered at least 4 others and even seeing a lot of pictures or videos of dead people is not really healthy. But then, I would say that everybody has its own weird interest, everybody do something unhealthy and as long as you don't let the true crime stuff make you become sad or paranoid that is fine. I think 16 is ok because you can start to reflect on what happened, maybe if you were slightly younger I would be more critical of this interest. But I understand your mother and I wouldn't be happy to see that my child cares that much about dead people, especially people who died 20 years ago. I don't think that we should forget them, but she probably thinks that the way you feel attached to them to the point of paying such a tribute is a bit obsessive and extreme and I can understand that she feels so.

Then about the tribute, I think the issue is that you are not linked personally to the shooting, you were not there, you didn't know any victim (correct me if I'm wrong), so people may not understand why you feel the need to do that, and also people may not want to see something that reminds them of the shooting in a public place. Maybe you could do something more private - and alone, why make other join you if they are not sincere and don't feel concern about it? -, to make you feel good without having people judging you? Not that you should care about others judging you but because if while you do it you see that your mother is embarrassed, or not happy with what you are doing, or if you hear stupid teenagers laughing at you it will not be an emotional and solemn tribute. But do it for you, do it if you feel the need to do it, because you would probably be the only one in your town that would care about this tribute, don't expect others to care about Columbine. I'm not saying that to be harsh or mean, I just don't want you to have too high expectations and be disappointed whereas you felt the need to do that and thus are not satisfied.

That sucks; I'm sorry she reacted that way.

While I do agree that the balloon release isn't a good idea, it's only because wildlife (particularly birds because they go pecking around at them when they land) may be harmed if they eat the balloons or get tangled in the string. Everything else she said is not cool.

I'll go out on a limb and guess that your mom doesn't like dealing with unpleasant things, in general. Maybe she is the type of person that believes that in order to "be happy" in life, you have to force yourself to focus only on those things that are "positive" or "uplifting". Negative stuff gets tucked away or dispatched as quickly as possible. Someone with that mindset isn't able to understand how someone else can delve into something that is dark in an effort to understand and learn from it.  

If you're sitting in your room, surrounded by 100s of pictures of Columbine victims, E & D, and doing nothing but surfing Columbine memes and worshiping Eric and Dylan on the Internet-- that's unhealthy.
Otherwise, you're just another individual who was touched by a tragedy that has shaped the US (if not the world) over the last 20 years. Your desire to honor the victims shows a great deal of empathy and it should be respected.

BTW- every person I've ever met is a freak in some way, you just have to learn how to wear it with pride and be yourself.

What do you mean "let the victims go"? Like what does that imply?

Your Mum is totally right IMO

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no, my mom likes to talk about upsetting things cos she thinks it's productive to talk about the world's problems. For instance, during the election, she liked to talk shit about Trump on facebook 24/7. So she feels a little hypocritical. My dad who is more conservative and thinks "talking about it only makes it worse" was actually more understanding than her.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] I mean let go of my Columbine interest basically. Accept that I did all that I could to inform people of the tragedy and methods of prevention, now it's time to move on and accept that it happened.

Honestly the best thing to do is to save a bit of money and go see the memorials. I made the pilgrimage a few weeks ago and it was worth it. Went to the one next to the school itself and went to the memorial gardens where three of the victims were buried and left some roses on their graves. This is why memorials are made, so people not connected to the tradgety can pay their respects and it's still a very private moment for you.

Yeah. That was the plan, to do it privately. I'd love to see the memorials but I live very far away from Colorado and my family doesn't have any plans to go there soon.

First off, a little off topic, when you mentioned releasing balloons I found it so weird, not you or your idea but the fact is, over the past few days I have out of the blue seen several articles about not releasing balloons and I thought "do people still do that??"

My mom is similar, especially when it first happened. It is surprising to me that she didn't understand why it affected me so much.

I think there are other ways to do it that are more private to you. The best way to honor those who died is to live! Learn from them. Like we know Rachel wasn't the perfect girl from the movie but I like the idea of Rachel's Challenge.

I live in the area now and I was invited to go see a play the day before the anniversary but there is a vigil going on and I was torn for a moment on what to do, but I will be attending many memorials and stuff because of the people I know etc.. so there is no reason I cannot go to the play, because life is for the living and while we hold people in our hearts and memories, we still have to find the joy.

That is so cool! Did you move near there partially to be closer to the location?

I agree. I've been trying to do what Cassie did: I've been struggling a lot with suicidal thoughts and anger towards my parents, and her transformation is so inspiring. I've been thinking about becoming a Christian.

Gold Digger wrote:

That is so cool! Did you move near there partially to be closer to the location?

I agree. I've been trying to do what Cassie did: I've been struggling a lot with suicidal thoughts and anger towards my parents, and her transformation is so inspiring. I've been thinking about becoming a Christian.

Nope! I never intended on it! Though due to my interest in the case YEARS ago, because no one knows that I started researching again last year my aunt was quite suspicious.

I was living in SoCal, was going through a breakup, got a job interview in Denver, went to it, ended up getting to see Sue speak that day too eventually got a job in Denver, moved nowhere near this area and then a bunch of stuff fell through and I ended up here in the summer.. was not planning on it at all. It's odd.

OMG! Did you speak to Sue? I'd love to meet her.

Gold Digger wrote:

OMG! Did you speak to Sue? I'd love to meet her.

Just for a second, she signed my copy of A Mothers Reckoning.

Here is my write up.

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Screamingophelia wrote:

Gold Digger wrote:

That is so cool! Did you move near there partially to be closer to the location?

I agree. I've been trying to do what Cassie did: I've been struggling a lot with suicidal thoughts and anger towards my parents, and her transformation is so inspiring. I've been thinking about becoming a Christian.

Nope! I never intended on it! Though due to my interest in the case YEARS ago, because no one knows that I started researching again last year my aunt was quite suspicious.

I was living in SoCal, was going through a breakup, got a job interview in Denver, went to it, ended up getting to see Sue speak that day too eventually got a job in Denver, moved nowhere near this area and then a bunch of stuff fell through and I ended up here in the summer..  was not planning on it at all. It's odd.

Just gonna add that I LOVED Denver when I visited. Me and some Bros did blow and rode downtown on those electric scooters you can rent at 4 am

I can see where your mom is coming from.
She might think it's odd that you want to go out of your way to honor victims of a school shooting that happened before you were even born.

If I told my mom I was going to plant trees for say Ted Bundy's victims, she'd definitely think it was odd and that maybe I was taking things to far.

On the other hand, it is definitely a nice gesture, and if I were you I'd just keep it to yourself since your mom doesn't seem receptive to the idea.

I'd go with planting trees over balloons, and as long as Columbine doesn't become an unhealthy obsession, I personally don't see anything wrong with honoring the victims.

You wasn't even born when this happened. It's very odd that you would ask or involve your immediate family if you could do this. Kinda seems like an attention thing to me.

I mean, I would totally understand one of the parents of one of the victims to do something like this, sure. But to ask your Mum, "Hey Mum, can we release 13 balloons/plant trees for the dead victims of a school shooting that happened nearly 20 years ago before I was even born?"......Yea, that's not normal behavior!

We are all here because of our interest in Columbine but, to start involving Mum in a balloon release is way over the top and, a bit cringy to be totally honest with you.