Suicide before NBK?

I was revisiting some of Sues interviews, since they are popping up in my suggested YouTube videos...

She brings up a few times Dylan writing about how he seemed to want to end his life before NBK

Then Dylan in his planner in March (I don’t remember if it’s 1998 or 99) wrote  death, afraid


Then in his journal he resides himself to going “NBK with Eric” in early 1999

However we have so much evidence that shows Dylan was excited about his revenge and their plan.

How serious do you think Dylan was about suicide before?

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was a mix of both.

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was  a mix of both.

I think maybe his anger and his pride got in the way of him committing suicide. I do believe as a lot of people do that he needed to commit this crime in order to end his life. And if he was caught he wouldn’t last in jail he would kill himself.

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was  a mix of both.

I think maybe his anger and his pride got  in the way of him committing suicide. I do believe as a lot of people do that he needed to commit this crime in order to end his life. And if he was caught he wouldn’t last in jail he would kill himself.

I do think Dylan needed a push from something big enough that he couldn't talk himself out of suicide anymore, NBK provided it. He knew that after he went through with the attack there was no option left other then suicide.

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was  a mix of both.

I think maybe his anger and his pride got  in the way of him committing suicide. I do believe as a lot of people do that he needed to commit this crime in order to end his life. And if he was caught he wouldn’t last in jail he would kill himself.

I do think Dylan needed a push from something big enough that he couldn't talk himself out of suicide anymore, NBK provided it.  He knew that after he went through with the attack there was no option left other then suicide.

I do wonder when the switch happened from being suicidal to homicidal. I know most people blame Eric for that one.

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was  a mix of both.

I think maybe his anger and his pride got  in the way of him committing suicide. I do believe as a lot of people do that he needed to commit this crime in order to end his life. And if he was caught he wouldn’t last in jail he would kill himself.

I do think Dylan needed a push from something big enough that he couldn't talk himself out of suicide anymore, NBK provided it.  He knew that after he went through with the attack there was no option left other then suicide.

I do wonder when the switch happened  from being  suicidal to homicidal. I know most people blame Eric for that one.

Sadly that is just another thing we will likely never know. Add it to the other million or so questions about Columbine that bug the fuck out of me.

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was  a mix of both.

I think maybe his anger and his pride got  in the way of him committing suicide. I do believe as a lot of people do that he needed to commit this crime in order to end his life. And if he was caught he wouldn’t last in jail he would kill himself.

I do think Dylan needed a push from something big enough that he couldn't talk himself out of suicide anymore, NBK provided it.  He knew that after he went through with the attack there was no option left other then suicide.

I do wonder when the switch happened  from being  suicidal to homicidal. I know most people blame Eric for that one.

Sadly that is just another thing we will likely never know. Add it to the other million or so questions about Columbine that bug the fuck out of me.

I know!! Even when we get the depositions and even if we got the basement tapes we probably still would never know. Unless Dylan literally says “when this happened I finally became homicidal and my good friend (eric chimes in-best friend) Eric here said yeah we should blow up the school and I said well as long as I get to shoot people I’m in.

You know without the murder suicide mission they really are friendship goals.

I think if Dylan didn't meet Eric, he would of committed suicide as he says in his journal that he wanted to commit NBK with someone else.

I'm pretty sure he was in fact thinking of suicide long before 4/20. It is impossible to tell how serious he was. The lack of suicide attempts is no indicator here.

There are many people who have wne through repeated, multiple suicide attempts who are not "serious" about it, they always do it in ways that are almost certain to have them rescued. Then there are people who are depressed for years and then commit suicide in a very determined and efficient manner during their first attempt.

For all we know, Dylan might have been deadly serious and maybe NBK was the only thing keeping him alive so long? We don't know and we won't ever be sure.

One thing that in my opinion is certain is that Dylan was depressed and this was a long term condition. This wasn't something that started in 1999.

I don't know that Dylan would have ever committed suicide without NBK. All speculation of course but I think he was just a coward. I think if he ever would have done it on his own it would have taken a big event. Maybe he would have a bad adjustment to adulthood IDK I just don't see it being anything other than a threat I guess

Sabratha wrote:

I'm pretty sure he was in fact thinking of suicide long before 4/20. It is impossible to tell how serious he was. The lack of suicide attempts is no indicator here.

There are many people who have wne through repeated, multiple suicide attempts who are not "serious" about it, they always do it in ways that are almost certain to have them rescued. Then there are people who are depressed for years and then commit suicide in a very determined and efficient manner during their first attempt.

For all we know, Dylan might have been deadly serious and maybe NBK was the only thing keeping him alive so long? We don't know and we won't ever be sure.

One thing that in my opinion is certain is that Dylan was depressed and this was a long term condition. This wasn't something that started in 1999.

Absolutely correct. These thoughts started when he was 15. He even writes which is always a powerful to me that an entity took him over and he doesn’t know why it happened.

I think he wanted to die, but not ordinary. He wanted something to differentiate him from everyone else, and to be remembered as something more than just a depressed person with no will to live. That's why he couldn't kill himself before, he didn't feel he'd done anything yet

23september wrote:

I think he wanted to die, but not ordinary. He wanted something to differentiate him from everyone else, and to be remembered as something more than just a depressed person with no will to live. That's why he couldn't kill himself before, he didn't feel he'd done anything yet

I can completely see that

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was  a mix of both.

I think maybe his anger and his pride got  in the way of him committing suicide. I do believe as a lot of people do that he needed to commit this crime in order to end his life. And if he was caught he wouldn’t last in jail he would kill himself.

I do think Dylan needed a push from something big enough that he couldn't talk himself out of suicide anymore, NBK provided it.  He knew that after he went through with the attack there was no option left other then suicide.

I do wonder when the switch happened  from being  suicidal to homicidal. I know most people blame Eric for that one.

When it happened is a mystery, but if I had to take a guess as to why, I imagine Dylan resented others for not being able to feel the same pain he felt when he was depressed.

QuestionMark wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

ShadowedGoddess wrote:

To be honest he couldn't have been very serious in the early stages. From what we know Dylan never attempted suicide. BUT he did like to write about how much he wanted to die.

SO who knows how much was just pure teenage angst, or deep depression? Likely it was  a mix of both.

I think maybe his anger and his pride got  in the way of him committing suicide. I do believe as a lot of people do that he needed to commit this crime in order to end his life. And if he was caught he wouldn’t last in jail he would kill himself.

I do think Dylan needed a push from something big enough that he couldn't talk himself out of suicide anymore, NBK provided it.  He knew that after he went through with the attack there was no option left other then suicide.

I do wonder when the switch happened  from being  suicidal to homicidal. I know most people blame Eric for that one.

When it happened is a mystery, but if I had to take a guess as to why, I imagine Dylan resented others for not being able to feel the same pain he felt when he was depressed.

Yea. I wonder if he ever got resentful of his friends for not seeing his pain either. People like Devon and Nate?

Screamingophelia wrote:

QuestionMark wrote:

When it happened is a mystery, but if I had to take a guess as to why, I imagine Dylan resented others for not being able to feel the same pain he felt when he was depressed.

Yea. I wonder if he ever got resentful of his friends for not seeing his pain either. People like Devon and Nate?

Didn't he hate Devon and resent Nate for getting a girlfriend at one point?

QuestionMark wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

QuestionMark wrote:

When it happened is a mystery, but if I had to take a guess as to why, I imagine Dylan resented others for not being able to feel the same pain he felt when he was depressed.

Yea. I wonder if he ever got resentful of his friends for not seeing his pain either. People like Devon and Nate?

Didn't he hate Devon and resent Nate for getting a girlfriend at one point?

He was resentful of Zach for having Devon and then taking her for granted. He did say in his journal he wouldn't mind killing her, but she won him over or so she thought and we thought too... but maybe he always had resentment but then why would she call him her best friend for so long.

I never read anything negative about Nate from him. Eric didn't like him for a while because when Kristi started to lose interest in him and go for Nate, Eric got mad.

Screamingophelia wrote:

QuestionMark wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

QuestionMark wrote:

When it happened is a mystery, but if I had to take a guess as to why, I imagine Dylan resented others for not being able to feel the same pain he felt when he was depressed.

Yea. I wonder if he ever got resentful of his friends for not seeing his pain either. People like Devon and Nate?

Didn't he hate Devon and resent Nate for getting a girlfriend at one point?

He was resentful of Zach for having Devon and then taking her for granted. He did say in his journal he wouldn't mind killing her, but she won him over or so she thought and we thought too... but maybe he always had resentment but then why would she call him her best friend for so long.

I never read anything negative about Nate from him. Eric didn't like him for a while because when Kristi started to lose interest in him and go for Nate, Eric got mad.

Oh, whoops, I got Nate and Zach confused for each other.