does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary?

I haven't really delved back into columbine for years but since January, I've dove back in

I can look for every crook and canny of 4/20/99 for 364 days, and research ad-nausuem, but on the actual day, it's just...I wanna stop the kids. to think 17 years ago the boys went to sleep knowing their mind was set on killing 200 kids the next day just absolutely fucking blows my mind.

I just get overwhelmed with sadness on the actual day.

I do as well. There is a lingering sadness for the whole month of April for me and not specifically 4/20 either. I also think it is so hard to believe that it was that long ago. 17 years ago, 15 people perished from this earth and their families never saw or spoke to them again. It is so incredibly heartbreaking.

Yes I do.
I was just thinking after midnight came that these were the last several hours of all 15 people's lives and trying to imagine what any of them awake were thinking at feeling at each exact moment and a wave of sadness came.Those waves come throughout the day.

Yes

Gctiger wrote:

I haven't really delved back into columbine for years but since January, I've dove back in

I can look for every crook and canny of 4/20/99 for 364 days, and research ad-nausuem, but on the actual day, it's just...I wanna stop the kids.  to think 17 years ago the boys went to sleep knowing their mind was set on killing 200 kids the next day just absolutely fucking blows my mind.  

I just get overwhelmed with sadness on the actual day.  

Same. Imagine trying to sleep knowing that you're going to be dead in less than 12 hours. I recall Sue talking about Dylan having "tired eyes" in a photo she took of him shortly before the massacre. I can imagine E&D spent many nights lying in bed, occupied with their thoughts. How surreal to go about day-to-day routines knowing that you only had months, weeks, days, and eventually just hours to live. To wake up young and healthy and know it's the day you're going to die (if E&D even managed to sleep on their final night). Has anyone else every wondered if fatigue may have also contributed to Eric Harris seeming disorientated once he broke his nose and the adrenalin had possibly worn off? On occasion, I've been so tired that I've kind of felt like I was tripping.

It's also surreal to think about the victims on their last night, having the last dinner with their families, having their last sleep in their beds in their homes they would never return to and not having any idea that they too would be dead in less than 12 hours. It's so crazy to me how the majority of their victims' fate was determined by something as simple as a visit to the library.

I think about it a few times in the day. It's 11:25 here in the UK so I think about it now, even though it would still have been hours of actually happening in the time over there. I then think about it later in the day after work when it is the Colorado 11:15ish.

Last year I sat down at home from the start of the spree until the end. When you do that and try to picture the movements, you really do get horrified of the amount of time those creatures were reigning terror on those in the school.

I don't think Eric slept at all the night before. He recorded the Nixon tape in the middle of the night and I think nerves were just too high.

I just keep thinking of the point of no return. Up until the very last minute things could have been stopped. Then you hit that point of no return and there is no going back.

Yes. I haven't been as involved with research these last couple of months but I'm having a really hard time not thinking about Columbine today. I just wanted to take a moment to remember each victim. To often I think we overlook them and solely focus on the shooters.

Rest In Peace <3
Rachel Scott
Daniel Rohrbough
Kyle Velasquez
Steven Curnow
Cassie Bernall
Isaiah Shoels
Matthew Kechter
Lauren Townsend
John Tomlin
Kelly Fleming
Daniel Mauser
Corey Depooter
Dave Sanders
Eric Harris
Dylan Klebold

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I can't even imagine what went through their minds the night before. I usually get so excited/nervous the night before vacations that I don't sleep but that's totally different than the Eve of killing people.

This makes me want to hear the Nixon tape even more...

Why has the Nixon tape never been released? Sorry off topic ( kinda)

WhereHateRunsRed wrote:

Why has the Nixon tape never been released? Sorry off topic ( kinda)

I don't know and as someone once pointed out the amount of info we have on it is horrible. There is only a tiny blurb generalizing about the contents. There is no transcript or any real info on it.

Are there any confirmed pics of the tape? Hmmm such a shame...

WhereHateRunsRed wrote:

Are there any confirmed pics of the tape? Hmmm such a shame...

Not that I am aware of anyway

Very much so, yes.

I mostly feel angry today.  The whole thing was so stupid and senseless.  All their problems were imagined or they were things that could have been dealt with had it not been easier for a teenage boy to obtain guns and bomb making materials than it is to open up about his feelings and seek mental help.

It's about time.

First thing I thought of today was the families.

Everyday is a day without their loved one, but 4/20 has to refresh a lot of pain.

I visited the Memorial today, but I purposely avoided going to Chapel Hill Cemetery where the marble crosses are.. they surround 2-3 other victims grave sites & I felt that should be for the families on 4/20.

I'm assuming the Harris' & Klebold's visit an area where their son's ashes are or have a ritual in the case the ashes are in their possession. They have the emotion of guilt on top of the pain of loss.. that hurts to think about.

If it's this hard on us, I cannot imagine what it would be like for the families.

I don't get depressed, I kind of keep hope that something new will be released, or come out. But I do feel bad for the families and the fact that those kids would have families themselves now.

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Kelly and Cassie are like the female versions of E&D,in that picture they're looking like a lot.

What makes me sad is that I can't do something, or even just be on my own for the anniversary. Everybody I know could not give less of a shit about Columbine, and just being around them on 4/20 makes me angry. I just want go home, get on the forum, watch some documentaries, and fully divulge into NBK without having to worry that my mum is going to barge into my room and flip her shit. Because for some reason, 99% of people I know think that being interested in crime makes you a bad person.

Nope. I think of it being Hitler's birthday more tbh.