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Columbine High School Massacre Discussion Forum
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does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary?
+12
Fatheroftwo
nabz
Freezingmoon
Jbow89
browneyes11
Lizpuff
Draw_It_White
bubbles
WhereHateRunsRed
PaintItBlack
fxiths
Gctiger
16 posters
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Gctiger
Posts : 15 Contribution Points : 79513 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2016-01-20
Subject: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:18 am
I haven't really delved back into columbine for years but since January, I've dove back in
I can look for every crook and canny of 4/20/99 for 364 days, and research ad-nausuem, but on the actual day, it's just...I wanna stop the kids. to think 17 years ago the boys went to sleep knowing their mind was set on killing 200 kids the next day just absolutely fucking blows my mind.
I just get overwhelmed with sadness on the actual day.
fxiths
Posts : 15 Contribution Points : 78903 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2016-02-13
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:23 am
I do as well. There is a lingering sadness for the whole month of April for me and not specifically 4/20 either. I also think it is so hard to believe that it was that long ago. 17 years ago, 15 people perished from this earth and their families never saw or spoke to them again. It is so incredibly heartbreaking.
PaintItBlack
Posts : 1656 Contribution Points : 100541 Forum Reputation : 52 Join date : 2014-02-11 Age : 38
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 2:30 am
Yes I do. I was just thinking after midnight came that these were the last several hours of all 15 people's lives and trying to imagine what any of them awake were thinking at feeling at each exact moment and a wave of sadness came.Those waves come throughout the day.
_________________ We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus; That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.-Charles Bukowski
WhereHateRunsRed
Posts : 59 Contribution Points : 85804 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2015-06-04
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 3:51 am
Yes
bubbles
Posts : 236 Contribution Points : 78992 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2016-02-27
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 4:21 am
Gctiger wrote:
I haven't really delved back into columbine for years but since January, I've dove back in
I can look for every crook and canny of 4/20/99 for 364 days, and research ad-nausuem, but on the actual day, it's just...I wanna stop the kids. to think 17 years ago the boys went to sleep knowing their mind was set on killing 200 kids the next day just absolutely fucking blows my mind.
I just get overwhelmed with sadness on the actual day.
Same. Imagine trying to sleep knowing that you're going to be dead in less than 12 hours. I recall Sue talking about Dylan having "tired eyes" in a photo she took of him shortly before the massacre. I can imagine E&D spent many nights lying in bed, occupied with their thoughts. How surreal to go about day-to-day routines knowing that you only had months, weeks, days, and eventually just hours to live. To wake up young and healthy and know it's the day you're going to die (if E&D even managed to sleep on their final night). Has anyone else every wondered if fatigue may have also contributed to Eric Harris seeming disorientated once he broke his nose and the adrenalin had possibly worn off? On occasion, I've been so tired that I've kind of felt like I was tripping.
It's also surreal to think about the victims on their last night, having the last dinner with their families, having their last sleep in their beds in their homes they would never return to and not having any idea that they too would be dead in less than 12 hours. It's so crazy to me how the majority of their victims' fate was determined by something as simple as a visit to the library.
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Draw_It_White
Posts : 1114 Contribution Points : 101993 Forum Reputation : 154 Join date : 2014-01-27 Age : 40 Location : England
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 6:30 am
I think about it a few times in the day. It's 11:25 here in the UK so I think about it now, even though it would still have been hours of actually happening in the time over there. I then think about it later in the day after work when it is the Colorado 11:15ish.
Last year I sat down at home from the start of the spree until the end. When you do that and try to picture the movements, you really do get horrified of the amount of time those creatures were reigning terror on those in the school.
Lizpuff
Posts : 2677 Contribution Points : 100149 Forum Reputation : 1190 Join date : 2016-03-02 Age : 36
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:36 am
I don't think Eric slept at all the night before. He recorded the Nixon tape in the middle of the night and I think nerves were just too high.
I just keep thinking of the point of no return. Up until the very last minute things could have been stopped. Then you hit that point of no return and there is no going back.
_________________ Hold me now I need to feel complete Like I matter to the one I need
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browneyes11
Posts : 314 Contribution Points : 88619 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2015-02-19
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:57 am
Yes. I haven't been as involved with research these last couple of months but I'm having a really hard time not thinking about Columbine today. I just wanted to take a moment to remember each victim. To often I think we overlook them and solely focus on the shooters.
Rest In Peace <3 Rachel Scott Daniel Rohrbough Kyle Velasquez Steven Curnow Cassie Bernall Isaiah Shoels Matthew Kechter Lauren Townsend John Tomlin Kelly Fleming Daniel Mauser Corey Depooter Dave Sanders Eric Harris Dylan Klebold
_________________ -I am the shadow that ceases to be understood. I scream for darkness, I am the light. I yearn for passion and for the forever word “immortality”. To experience life after death, in solitude, in compassion, in love.-
Jbow89
Posts : 93 Contribution Points : 78960 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2016-02-17
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 9:31 am
I can't even imagine what went through their minds the night before. I usually get so excited/nervous the night before vacations that I don't sleep but that's totally different than the Eve of killing people.
This makes me want to hear the Nixon tape even more...
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WhereHateRunsRed
Posts : 59 Contribution Points : 85804 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2015-06-04
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 9:33 am
Why has the Nixon tape never been released? Sorry off topic ( kinda)
Lizpuff
Posts : 2677 Contribution Points : 100149 Forum Reputation : 1190 Join date : 2016-03-02 Age : 36
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 9:37 am
WhereHateRunsRed wrote:
Why has the Nixon tape never been released? Sorry off topic ( kinda)
I don't know and as someone once pointed out the amount of info we have on it is horrible. There is only a tiny blurb generalizing about the contents. There is no transcript or any real info on it.
WhereHateRunsRed
Posts : 59 Contribution Points : 85804 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2015-06-04
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 11:27 am
Are there any confirmed pics of the tape? Hmmm such a shame...
Lizpuff
Posts : 2677 Contribution Points : 100149 Forum Reputation : 1190 Join date : 2016-03-02 Age : 36
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 11:35 am
WhereHateRunsRed wrote:
Are there any confirmed pics of the tape? Hmmm such a shame...
Not that I am aware of anyway
Guest Guest
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 12:46 pm
Very much so, yes.
Freezingmoon
Posts : 218 Contribution Points : 81470 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2015-10-13
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 12:50 pm
I mostly feel angry today. The whole thing was so stupid and senseless. All their problems were imagined or they were things that could have been dealt with had it not been easier for a teenage boy to obtain guns and bomb making materials than it is to open up about his feelings and seek mental help.
nabz
Posts : 5 Contribution Points : 77618 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2016-04-05 Age : 36
Subject: 10:55 AM Wednesday, April 20, 2016 (MDT) Time in Littleton, CO, USA Wed Apr 20, 2016 12:56 pm
It's about time.
_________________ I might be gone, but not for long.
Fatheroftwo
Posts : 331 Contribution Points : 87238 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2015-04-15 Location : Denver
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 11:08 pm
First thing I thought of today was the families.
Everyday is a day without their loved one, but 4/20 has to refresh a lot of pain.
I visited the Memorial today, but I purposely avoided going to Chapel Hill Cemetery where the marble crosses are.. they surround 2-3 other victims grave sites & I felt that should be for the families on 4/20.
I'm assuming the Harris' & Klebold's visit an area where their son's ashes are or have a ritual in the case the ashes are in their possession. They have the emotion of guilt on top of the pain of loss.. that hurts to think about.
If it's this hard on us, I cannot imagine what it would be like for the families.
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slippy123
Posts : 879 Contribution Points : 109388 Forum Reputation : 1235 Join date : 2015-08-25
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Wed Apr 20, 2016 11:53 pm
I don't get depressed, I kind of keep hope that something new will be released, or come out. But I do feel bad for the families and the fact that those kids would have families themselves now.
CaptainMidnight
Posts : 64 Contribution Points : 84522 Forum Reputation : 0 Join date : 2015-07-10 Location : Brazil.
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Thu Apr 21, 2016 1:28 am
Kelly and Cassie are like the female versions of E&D,in that picture they're looking like a lot.
_________________ 'Life is on the wire.The rest is waiting.'
I'll take your brain to another dimension
eli27
Posts : 492 Contribution Points : 87557 Forum Reputation : 135 Join date : 2015-05-15 Location : England
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Fri Apr 22, 2016 3:41 am
What makes me sad is that I can't do something, or even just be on my own for the anniversary. Everybody I know could not give less of a shit about Columbine, and just being around them on 4/20 makes me angry. I just want go home, get on the forum, watch some documentaries, and fully divulge into NBK without having to worry that my mum is going to barge into my room and flip her shit. Because for some reason, 99% of people I know think that being interested in crime makes you a bad person.
_________________ I had it all and I looked at it and I said 'this is a bigger jail than I just got out of'.
DanielBryer
Posts : 834 Contribution Points : 33528 Forum Reputation : 104 Join date : 2022-09-10 Age : 28 Location : Exeter, England
Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary? Sun Sep 25, 2022 6:08 am
Nope. I think of it being Hitler's birthday more tbh.
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Subject: Re: does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary?
does anyone get real depressed upon the anniversary?