Was Nancy a good mother?

I've been curious about Adam's relationship with his mother as well as she was like. I mean no disrespect to her. RIP Nancy

From what I know people liked her and thought she was a good mother. She was the one to take interest in guns and took Adam shooting.

I believe she had good intentions, had Adam's best interests at heart, but could be forceful and overbearing at times in her interactions with others.

Whether she was overbearing and forceful to Adam remains up for speculation, but considering Adam seemed to get his own way and "control his mother's behavior" according to the Yale child psychiatrists, I would say no, but things aren't always so black and white.

It's just as likely she indulged Adam a little too much and sheltered him, was too protective, at least in his younger years. It seemed in the few years he was alive as an adult she was trying to "coax him out of the nest" so to speak.

All in all, I don't believe Nancy was a bad mother. Not perfect, but who is. She provided a comfortable life for Adam and afforded him all kinds of opportunities not everyone is offered in life.

Sadly Adam was too paralyzed by his psychological issues to let his mother, or anyone for that matter, help him.

I hate to think of anyone as beyond help, but in a situation like that, what can you really do? I don't have the answer, and neither did Nancy it seems, although she was desperately searching for one, and that shows she cared.

I think she was a good mother, or at least she thought she was. Adam thought she was very overbearing. I really don't think she ever realized that she was.

There were choices made by Nancy could be considered disagreeable to say the least but regardless at the end of the day, she too was murdered. I won't really label her as co-conspirator as some people in the mainstream seem to label her as such at times.

Many people criticize Nancy for introducing Adam to firearms, especially the media. But they forget that Sue Klebold was also criticized for not introducing Dylan to guns, arguing that if he had had proper experience with guns, surely he wouldn't have used them the way he did.

This isn't to say that Nancy was flawless, no parent is. But I think that she had Adam's best intentions in mind in everything she did. It's sad that it had to end the way it did.

My view is that Nancy Lanza was very controlling of Adam. After all, Adam had said in the past to one of his online friends that he had a strained relationship with his mom. I suppose I don't have direct proof of this assertion about his mom, just a hunch from my personal experiences of dealing with people.

This is in no disrespect to Nancy, to start off.

I think that her heart was in the right place where it came to her profoundly sick son, Adam. From what I know, she did just about everything for Adam, which is nice in the moment, but if Adam was to never do what he did, having his mother do everything for him would not be the best in the long run. Interesting enough, my own mother & I were talking about this (not Nancy herself) topic about child raising and "helicopter parenting" since we have family members who did so with their own children only for the child to grow up not self-sufficient. Of course, Adam was sick, like I mentioned before, so it is a little bit different because he needed accommodations for his day to day life.

In no way am I saying that Nancy was a helicopter mom, but I think that she had Adam's best interest in mind, and took it a little bit far by doing every little thing for him. I'm nobody to nitpick how someone parents, but I think that perhaps she could have helped him learn how to do laundry, dishes, and other household chores.

On the topic of guns, Nancy was very into guns and brought Adam to gun ranges during his life. His mental state was not very good, and he had Asperger's. Correct me if I'm wrong but, I read somewhere that people on the Autism spectrum can develop special interests and latch onto a topic. In Adam's case, guns. If I was the parent in that situation and saw that my Autistic son was becoming more and more interested in weapons and violence, I would try my best to get him into more positive interests and hobbies.

In conclusion, I think that Nancy was a good mother, and that her heart was in the right place with nothing but good intentions. I just have little ideas of how I would have done things differently, if I was in her situation. She is loved, and was a diligent mother who in my opinion, never gave up on her son. Again, like I stated before, I'm not trying to disrespect Nancy at all. She deserved to have a long life, and was sadly cut short. RIP.

AllanLionChild wrote:

This isn't to say that Nancy was flawless, no parent is. But I think that she had Adam's best intentions in mind in everything she did. It's sad that it had to end the way it did.

Very well said. I agree with you fully. Nobody, not just parents are perfect. The concept of being "perfect" is simply an opinion, not everyone is gonna come to the same agreement that someone is "perfect", just like how people don't always agree if a woman is attractive or not. It's in the eye of the beholder, so to speak.

smiggleshamster wrote:

If I was the parent in that situation and saw that my Autistic son was becoming more and more interested in weapons and violence, I would try my best to get him into more positive interests and hobbies.

Like what? Genuine question here. What would you introduce to him to steer him away from his more negative interests?

QuestionMark wrote:

Like what? Genuine question here. What would you introduce to him to steer him away from his more negative interests?

 I'm not exactly sure what I would introduce him to hypothetically, but something I've thought about is how he was very interested in DDR, so maybe he could have done something with that. Of course, I didn't know Adam so I wouldn't know what would peak his interest. For me at least, I've always been into art and music, as it always seems to help me look at positives, but for all I know Adam could have disliked doing art or music.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Whichever way you look at it, she was a terrible mother. She reinforced his social anxiety by communicating over email and allowing him to manifest his hate alone, she bought a mentally ill child guns to play with, she pampered him to the point where he could demand whatever he wanted and he would get it.

Buying everything your child wants, bowing to every demand and being their slave is not a good way to raise a child.