The Natural Selector

I wrote the first version of this topic this over three years ago, edited it several times and never posted it because it's long and much of it is already intuitively understood by a lot of people (and also, maybe I'm wrong) but I think it's an interesting topic and it explains why I feel that people are wrong when they say that Eric didn't even understand what natural selection meant. If you make it to the end, I'd love to hear why you agree or disagree.

I’ve heard people say that Eric didn’t know what natural selection was if he thought it applied to his attack. I believe that he more-or-less understood what natural selection really was and upon rejecting the prevailing concepts of morality, he was free to believe that the world would be a better place if we allowed it to proceed naturally, instead of using (wasting) our resources to protect the weak - or even if we were to give the fit permission to actively cull the unfit from the population, as part of this natural process, in order to allow society to flourish. It’s not very compassionate, but it’s also not a totally unheard of point of view (Social Darwinism, eugenics, Nazism). Natural selection is related to the idea that no one succeeds but those who actually deserve it; those who fail nature's judgment are eliminated from the gene pool. This kind of justice could be an especially comforting thought for someone who believes that he is getting the short end of the stick in life because of unnatural social conventions which do not cater to his strengths.

At the same time, I think the term also had more expansive implications for him and these other reasons explain why he eventually chose to plaster those words on his chest during the massacre. I don't think Eric wrote Natural Selection on his t-shirt because he believed that natural selection was awesome. I think he had an idea that what he was planning to do was not truly natural selection in action. As I see it, his fascination only began as an actual respect for the process of natural selection but evolved into a desire for control over it. His fundamental insecurity and fear of inadequacy couldn't withstand the scrutiny of an unbiased judgment like natural selection, because there was always the possibility that he really was as much of a loser as he feared he was.

Eric was dangerously insecure about his place in this world. I believe his insecurity revolved largely around his masculinity, his physical form, his appeal to the opposite sex and his general position in the social hierarchy. These aspects of his identity are all directly related to success/failure in terms of the scientific meaning of natural selection. Eric talked tough, but we know that he was very small and not particularly physically fit. He even had a physical deformity that, despite corrective surgery, was still visible during his autopsy. He was not a big, strong, impressively masculine man and he was acutely aware of this because he very much wanted to be seen that way. Growing up with a military man as a role model and a popular and athletic older brother as a role model and possible competitor, this was probably something that was constantly stewing in Eric’s mind.

Eric seemed to suggest that he felt social insecurity even from an early age, always being the new guy at school, always having to seek out and win the approval of someone new. It became increasingly difficult with each move. Puberty, and the need to be desired by the opposite sex, probably intensified all those lingering doubts about his place in the social order. As he sometimes admitted, Eric saw himself as extremely undesirable in a number of ways, many of which he had very little control over. I would even go as far as saying he hated himself (and not much of a stretch, considering that he eventually put a gun in his mouth and blew out his own brains).

Yet instead of giving up, Eric decided to try even harder. He was known to do well in school, always raising his hand in class to answer questions; he risked rejection by asking girls out and sometimes they even gave him a chance but no one ever valued him enough to stick around; and especially later in life, he adopted a callous, tough-guy persona to play up his masculinity and even if he couldn’t get them to respect him, hopefully he could intimidate people enough to avoid any more public incidents where he might face further humiliation. His image was always carefully controlled but maybe it was not because he was an unfeeling psychopath trying to hide his homicidal disgust with humanity but instead, it was a sincere attempt to earn respect and the only way he knew how to keep his overwhelming sense of inferiority at bay. He did everything he could to appear more attractive to others, but it never seemed to raise him to the level where he felt he deserved to be. He had a few friends, some dates, but not many close connections and was nowhere near the top of the social order. He tried for a long time to find a way to fit in, but he was (as we all are) ultimately powerless over how he was perceived by others.

Eventually, his lack of social success led to frustration with all elements of life defined by other people. Every day he entered a school where he felt that no one was thinking for themselves and mindlessly following the norm, adopting beliefs and priorities which left him as the odd one out every time he chose not to conform. In the end, he got tired of being rejected by society and decided that he was going to do the rejecting. This is where everything really started to go wrong inside of Eric Harris.

In Eric’s mind, he may have had his shortcomings, but as someone who tried so hard for so long, didn't he deserve to be successful according to what everyone had taught him about how the world was supposed to work? This question inspires at least two competing lines of thought in his mind and they both torture him. The first one he generally keeps to himself but the second one is easier for him to acknowledge and is more often stated.
   1. I am inferior to everyone else and the rejection I seem to experience from so many people proves this.
   2. I am rejected because I am superior to everyone else, because I think for myself and because I see things that they don't, so I deserve to be the one in charge.
The tension eventually gave way to a wholehearted resentment of everyone and everything, including himself. He said it clearly, that his hatred largely derived from his major lack of self-esteem. He couldn’t accept either one as truth so the two lines of thought twisted together in his confused adolescent brain as, “Maybe I suck but so does everyone else. Humanity is doomed and society should be destroyed but I can see past it all so maybe I should be the one to destroy it (right before I destroy myself).”

All of his posturing was a desperate rejection of other people before they could reject him and make him feel powerless again. If they are worthless then their opinions (and eventually, even their lives) are worthless and he has nothing to fear. This explains a lot of his other over-the-top hateful attitudes. Racism, sexism and hate for religion appealed to him because devaluing women, minorities and Christians instantly made him superior to all of them. In his mind, they could prove to be decent, but that was only if they behaved in the way that Eric would have them behave, with proper understanding of his superiority. It was all about power. It was the power to dismiss their rejection as the rejection of those too stupid or weak to recognize how aware he was and how valuable he could be if given the chance.

But Eric was right about some things. The selfish, shallow, mindless lemmings, the people who question nothing, including themselves, are the ones who make this world worse than it has to be. They discriminate without thinking about it, they give lip-service to the Christian values of kindness, compassion and tolerance but they viciously reject anyone who doesn't fit the mold of normalcy or goodness. The people who are always ready and willing to criticize you and point out your flaws but are blind to their own. The cowardly followers, the liars and users. Wouldn't our society be a better place if something could magically take them out of the equation? Unfortunately, as he eventually came to realize, we're all guilty of this type of behavior sometimes. Eric was a racist who hated racists. Therefore, humanity was fucked.

If he wasn't succeeding and these other people were, then there must be something wrong with society or even humanity itself. Wouldn't it be great if only people who made him feel good, respected (or at least accepted) him, were allowed to be alive on his planet? Then he wouldn't have to feel so bad all the time. Is he actually inferior? No, they're wrong! He's actually good- no, great- no, fucking god-like! He thinks for himself. Eric's a man who goes his own way. Fuck those guys. They all listen to the same music, wear the same clothes, like the same things, think the same thoughts. Eric doesn't. He's self-aware. And you know what he hates?! Just about everything (especially himself).

It was his intense fear of his own "unfitness" that led to a fascination with survival of the fittest (in very personal, real life terms) and natural selection as a concept.  I think Eric understood natural selection as a violent, brutal process. Eric had come to associate violence with power a long time ago. He feels powerful when he imagines doing violent things to other people. He would finally be free of all the outside influences. He wasn’t going to be a follower but a leader. He likes the idea of actually being in control of something for once, and not just in control of himself but in control of the people who make him feel so defective by rejecting him. Violence becomes an obsession as his anger and depression increase, because he just wants to feel good and he can't think of any other way.

So what was left? He could, one time in his entire life, feel truly in control. He could hijack the power of natural selection for himself. He could be the judge - who deserves to survive and who doesn’t. Deep down, he's well aware that he's no better than they are. He has already decided that we should probably all be destroyed but before that happens, he gets to assume the position of Hitler, of god, to become the manifestion of “natural selection” and literally choose who lives and dies, who is valuable and who is worthless. He's rarely feels powerful in life, and now he has a plan to assume the ultimate power. He calls it Natural Selection because this paints his actions as logical, justifiable and implies his superiority instead of acknowledging the painful truth hiding beneath the surface, that this was a desperate act of weakness carried out by someone who didn’t feel that he deserved to be alive.

Very good write up! I like all of your points and it was very well thought out.

That was excellent! Thank you for taking the time to write that and share with us.

Natural selection has no morality. It's a natural mechanism. Survival of the fittest. But the fittest doesn't mean the kindest, the gifted, the best. To be adapted to society is to be like everyone else. But Eric was different. It was hard for him to adjust. It made him fucking angry. What Eric did is only revenge on society. He decided to try on the role of God (or nature - as anyone likes). Eric was the one who failed natural selection. A pathetic attempt to break the laws of nature. The anger of the outcast. The desire to feel stronger than others for at least a few minutes. The desire to get respect at any cost."Natural selection" on his t-shirt sounds like a mockery of his whole life.

Love wrote:

Natural selection has no morality. It's a natural mechanism. Survival of the fittest. But the fittest doesn't mean the kindest, the gifted, the best. To be adapted to society is to be like everyone else. But Eric was different. It was hard for him to adjust. It made him fucking angry. What Eric did is only revenge on society. He decided to try on the role of God (or nature - as anyone likes). Eric was the one who failed natural selection. A pathetic attempt to break the laws of nature. The anger of the outcast. The desire to feel stronger than others for at least a few minutes. The desire to get respect at any cost."Natural selection" on his t-shirt sounds like a mockery of his whole life.

Great point.

I've always wondered why he chose natural selection for his shirt, because his actions were far from what it actually is.
I mean natural is literally defined as "existing in or caused by nature; not made or caused by humankind."

These two journal entries further my suspicion that he either didn't know what it was, or got it mixed up with something else.


"NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug addicts, people cant figure out to use a fucking lighter." (Ironic because he couldn't seem to even light a cigarette right in radio active clothing)

"I cant deprive a stupid fucking dumb-shit from his possessions if he leaves then sitting in the front seat of his fucking van out in plain sight and in the middle fucking nowhere on a Fri fucking day night. NATURAL SELECTION. fucker should be shot."

Taking a gun and shooting someone isn't natural selection.
My guess is he just liked the concept of "survival of the fittest", thus putting it on his shirt.

You have a way with words. I feel like you took my jumbled thoughts on Eric and wrote it down nicely for me. Society didn’t accept him, so he turned against them. Because he was so inferior he needed to be the all powerful godlike person. (His was the “if you can’t join them, then beat them” mentality). I think if I write anything else it will be just like repeating what you said. His last entry says “I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don't fucking say, "well thats your fault" because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo.”. All of his bravado is gone. This is Eric at his most vulnerable. This is how Eric perceives his whole life. He hid behind his words of violence and hate, when all he wanted was to be accepted. Even if it meant having only 5 people left on this earth.
Thank you for your write up. It was spot on.

Very interesting… I will just add something about the “Pectus Excavatum”:

I wonder if he saw himself as “disabled”, in a way… because of his chest deformity (and I also read something about a “leg problem”, from when he was born). Even if it didn’t had a big impact on his every-day life (except for some mocking in school), this could have make him feel as “physically inadequate” and weaker than the rest. This, mixed with his own self-hate, would make the Natural Selection an attractive theory… because according to the natural selection, he should have died when he was born (or at a young age); and that way, not had to deal with being an outcast; and having to, at the end, kill himself.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Having that many surgeries at such a young age really can take a toll on you. And then him moving so much throughout his life and having a dad like Wayne and a brother like Kevin. He probably some self as the runt of the litter much like Dylan did

This hype around natural selection may lack solid foundation. Indeed, when human societies eliminate members, the selection has nothing to do with the slightest efficiency or with the slightest improvement of the group.

What societies eliminate are individuals who deviate from the average and whatever the stereotype differentiating the individual.

Victim stereotypes are various : red head, cripple, stutterer, squinted, albino, stranger, dwarf, very tall... even the child whose first tooth grew on the wrong jaw can bring bad luck and therefore be killed. And ultimately, societies cast lots to select the one to be eliminated.

Some known victim stereotypes purely violate the idea of natural selection: the most intelligent and the most beautiful are also at risk to focus their group's attention and to be selected for elimination.

The majority doesn't care about the performance of the human species, it only sees the significant difference from the average, that difference allowing to select the one individual to be eliminated...

And in high school, the bullied students who are pushed to commit suicide can be the most intelligent, the most talented, that is to say, the most useful for the survival of the group, and even the most beautiful, the most sexually attractive. A group involved in harassment could perfectly kill or push to suicide that very individual who was the key to the group survival. The group would rather all die of thirst rather than to spare the redhead architect capable of building wells, tanks, reservoirs and aqueducts...

We don't eliminate the weakest, we eliminate the different from the average, and it has nothing to do with "natural selection".