do you have a death wish?

I just thought of this after many years of being obsessed with Columbine. I have never understood my obsession until there was a shooting at my local shopping mall. I happened to be there exactly 48 hours prior in the very spot it occurred. 2 people were killed and one was seriously injured. I remember looking at my receipt and thinking "Damn, only 48 hours later and I would have been there!"
It occurred to me that I may want to be a victim of a shooting like Columbine. I know everyone has issues and maybe some of you have even thought of ending it all, I know I have, but for the most part I am very happy and enjoy my life. WTF??
Does anyone else relate?

ok, if you don't have a subliminal death wish you don't. I think it's a pretty good bet that most of us here are fascinated by death. whether it is our own, what happens after our death or what is going on with our loved ones that have passed on.

Does anyone have any evidence of loved ones passed on contacting you or entities making contact.

I do have something I witnessed that can't be explained, but would be willing to listen to alternate explanations. My experience happened in 1999.

You say that you are very happy and enjoy life, yet you think you'd like to be a victim of a shooting like Columbine? That doesn't make any sense and kind of contradicts itself and you should be happy that you WEREN'T a victim of any shooting.

I definitive think I have kind of a romantic fascination for death (including my own) and I can relate to Dylan very much at this point. I also think, that my fascination for mass shootings are partly born from this.

Jenn wrote:

You say that you are very happy and enjoy life, yet you think you'd like to be a victim of a shooting like Columbine? That doesn't make any sense and kind of contradicts itself

It contradicts itself if you think purely rational about it. Human emotions, however, are not rational.

I don't have a wish to die anymore, but the case reminds me very strongly of a time when I did have one? I think my 'obsession', if you can call it that, comes from the recognition I find in their psyches and so on rather than from an active death wish. All that time spent longing for death in the past really calms my mind about it today -- I could die today, tomorrow or whenever and I wouldn't fear its coming no matter the circumstance. It doesn't faze me anymore, although I doubt it ever really did.. It's the one constant in life none of us can escape, and I quite like that sentiment. No subliminal death wish here -- just an acceptance that what is, is.. and what will come, will come.

I'm not sure how strong my death wish may be, but I feel that I can completely relate to the way the boys wanted to lash out at society. Some days more than others. I don't condone hurting people, but I do have some sympathy on that account.

I have to say that many times my death wish is pretty strong and I dont condone either hurt people but I dont hate the people who does it because I even have some thoughts about suicide and murder and I dont like people very much for the bad experiences that I have with the society since my childhood, however, there is a battle inside of me between that feeling and the one that say to me: hey you are a lucky girl, you have great parents, a loving family, a few good friends, you get everything you want and you can do whatever you want, so is really difficult because I am not afraid of death and sometimes I want to die today but at the same time I admit that live can make me more happy

I guess I need to clarify. What I wish is that I could take the place of any innocent shooting victim. I feel that I have screwed up so badly in this life that I am good with being done. I feel the need to give any of those Columbine kids their life in exchange of mine. I'm just slowly dying day after day. It doesn't seem fair to those with so much potential ahead of them.

My only death wish is to leave a mark on the world, whether it's doing something thoughtful or dying in a tragedy.

mrc123 wrote:

I guess I need to clarify.  What I wish is that I could take the place of any innocent shooting victim.  I feel that I have screwed up so badly in this life that I am good with being done.  I feel the need to give any of those Columbine kids their life in exchange of mine.  I'm just slowly dying day after day.  It doesn't seem fair to those with so much potential ahead of them.  

It's a normal feeling to have, at times. Your life may look pointless to you because you're judging yourself so harshly. These teens had their lives to live and a lot of potential but we're so different, each of us. You can't compare yourself to them or anybody really. We're not like bank notes, we can't be exchanged. We each do so little in this life, much less than what we expect of ourselves, what others expect of us. Our big ideas about what we should do trip us all the time.

If you feel like you're dying slowly (my god, you're part of a big team on this planet...) what could you do differently now, without taking some murder victim's place?