I can say that I relate to many little things with both boys and some major things with Dylan. I can relate to feeling like an outcast, liking different things then what is the norm at the time, etc.
I was in seventh grade when Columbine happened. I liked rock music, as opposed to the standard rap that was popular in my Catholic school in the South Bronx, I played way too many video games, and was just hitting puberty so I had a growth spurt that pushed me to 5'8" (I hit 5'10" in eighth grade and stopped growing).... and it's like the second you realize you are different or stand out in any way to others, that's it. So you embrace it and you try to get by. It was not easy and I remember hating going to school.
Luckily, things changed in high school. I was lucky enough to go to an all girls school in Manhattan and experience different cultures and ways of thinking outside of my (still current) Bronx neighborhood. Not having boys around made school easier, it seemed.
But I know what it is like to still feel alone even with all of the friends I had. I know what it is like to want a love of my own. Even someone who could just get me on a deeper level and not just judge me by outer appearance. What it is like to wake up in a slump and dread stepping foot outside, or sometimes making decisions so impulsively that the consequences weren't even thought of until after the fact. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 29. Suddenly, things made a little more sense. I knew why I was feeling as if every time I stepped into a room, people were staring at me or laughing at me. Random panic attacks. I got medicated and slowly got better. I still have periods of really deep and horrible depression.
In regards to homicide though... I have never felt the urge to kill anyone who ever made me feel badly about myself. If anything, it made me want to destroy myself.
I want to be free