Dave Cullen's hypocrisy

Cullen's book seems rather controversial. I think I heard some survivors and victim's families didn't like it. But they don't seem to do much about though.

I am starting to think that Cullen might be a Columbiner.

LPorter you made my afternoon

Under duress, Daniel writes the book. The tedium of writing the manuscript is interrupted by Caitlin's periodic outbursts - she bashes his balls with her baseball bat; she smashes his ankles with a sledgehammer; she assaults his throat with her mammoth lady penis. But, after a long winter's journey into spring, Daniel finally finishes the book.

The book is written exactly as Caitlin wants it - except for the ending.

Daniel tricks Caitlin into planning an impromptu party to celebrate the end of the writing process. She wheels him into the living room, where she has prepared a sumptuous feast of shrimp cocktail and Cool Ranch(R) Doritos(R).

As Daniel munches on Doritos, Caitlin reads the last chapter. She is thrilled to realize that Charlie is able to kill Dylan and persuade Eric to marry him. Eric is extremely supportive of Caitlin as he transitions from a man into a womon-not-born-womon.

But then, on the last page...

CAITLIN
Oh, Eric, this is just wonderful! I'm a woman and you're a man. We can fuck like minks for the rest of our lives. My lady penis is ready for lovin'.

ERIC
Not exactly.

Eric retrieves a gun from his duffel bag. He points it at his h ... wife.

ERIC
I knew the whole time, Caitlin. I knew the whole fucking time!

CAITLIN
Eric! What are you doing?

ERIC
You killed him! You killed my Dylan! He was the love of my life! I used to sit on his face and rub my nads in his armpits! And you murdered him, you tranny freak!

CAITLIN
Eric! Don't do this! I love you!

ERIC
You don't know the meaning of the word love!

Eric shoves the gun into Caitlin's rectum and fires. The resulting explosion shatters Caitlin's ball sack and splits her massive lady penis like a floppy log.

CAITLIN
No! My lady penis! You've wrecked it!

Eric fires a shot into Caitlin's head. Then he says, "Dyl, I'm comin'!" and shoots himself in the head.

THE END

CAITLIN
You ... you lying cocksucker! How could you?"

Daniel whacks Caitlin in the head with her ceramic Doritos bowl. Then he smashes her skull with one of her numerous football trophies.

But she still isn't down for the count. She lunges at Daniel and knocks him out of his wheelchair.

CAITLIN
I'm gonna rape you, you lyin' fuck! I'm gonna pound you till my lady penis is sticking out your front! And then I'm gonna blow your fuckin' brains out!

In a triumph of the will, Daniel manages to stretch his arm to grab a large plaster cast of Caitlin's lady penis. He shoves it into her mouth.

DANIEL
Eat it! Eat it, you sick, twisted fuck! Choke on it and die!

Daniel pushes the muscular Caitlin off of him and tries to crawl away. She staggers to her feet.

CAITLIN
You're dead! You hear me - you are fuckin' dead!

She grabs her gun from a nearby bookshelf, but stumbles over Daniel and hits her head on the coffee table. She is now unconscious.

Daniel, in extreme pain, manages to grab the gun. He waits ... and waits ... and waits ... and then Caitlin springs back to life. He fires three bullets into her forehead. She slumps to the ground, quite dead.

Then he calls the police. The cops arrive and interview Daniel. They call an ambulance. He is taken to a local hospital, where he spends months in recovery. After he is discharged, he fights a lengthy battle with his insurance company. Ultimately he is forced to pay tens of thousands of dollars.

But he can afford it - his novel about Eric, Dylan, and Charlie tops the NYT best-sellers list. Money, fame, and prestige are his.

Then he releases his book about the soldiers, and it flops. Then he writes a crappy romance novel - Eric and Dylan: Origins - that sells fairly well. He spends the rest of his career writing commercially-successful, critically-reviled crap. He loses his self-respect, but eventually comes to realize that money is the only thing that counts in life.

THE END

lmao please, no more.

Mj2beat wrote:

I am starting to think that Cullen might be a Columbiner.

LPorter you made my afternoon

I'm glad.

LPorter101 wrote:

Then he releases his book about the soldiers, and it flops. Then he writes a crappy romance novel - Eric and Dylan: Origins - that sells fairly well. He spends the rest of his career writing commercially-successful, critically-reviled crap. He loses his self-respect, but eventually comes to realize that money is the only thing that counts in life.

 

         

This is brilliant. I want to read more things from LPorter!!!!

Ah ... I wish I could think of something devastatingly witty to say about Cullen and/or his book, but I'm drawing a blank.

Here, let's check out his Twitter feed. You never know - we might find a diamond among the turds:
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Didn’t realize #TonyAwards were at Radio City. I happened to be biking home from yoga and nearly went by it at the opening, but turned. Doh!

Hmm ... so Dave is a yoga practitioner, and a bicyclist? I'll add that to the file.

NOTE: No, I am not so obsessed with Dave Cullen that I maintain an exhaustive list of his hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes, and personality quirks.

Or am I?

I read once that he lives in Hell's Kitchen. I'm not sure where that is in relation to Radio City Music Call, and I'm too lazy to look it up.

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#Tonys: can someone explain the bouncing bit? Sure is boring. Inane.

I'm not watching the Tony Awards, so I don't know what the "bouncing bit" is. And I don't care.

Retweet:

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Study shows that a pathogen could travel all the way across the Pacific Ocean, carried only by the wind. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]  #NOVAnext

Yes, but can those nasty little germs travel as fast as your tweets? I can feel my brain cells dying as I read them.

Retweet:

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Amazing how many people talk about NYC like it's just fancy neighborhoods and desperately poor ones. Have they ever been to Queens?

I've never been to Queens, but I know people who grew up there. There are a lot of New Yorkers in Miami.

Retweet:

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Box Office: Tom Cruise's EDGE OF TOMORROW Opens With Mediocre $29M Weekend [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]  via @forbes by @ScottMendelson

That's the flick with Tom Cruise and ... some British chick. The trailers made it look like just another crappy CGI explosion-fest. Of course, most Hollywood movies these days are crappy CGI explosion-fests.

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Was going to head out early tonight: by 11. Apparently, did not happen

Apparently? So you're too hung over to remember?

Last night, around 1:15, I craved pizza. There used to be a pizza place that was open until two in the morning on Friday and Saturday nights, but apparently it closed down some time ago.

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Saturday night. Which bar? Not telling. But hint: getting on a Citi Bike

If someone can figure out the station where he got the bike:
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...we can figure out which bar he visited. Then we can start stalking him, I guess.

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If you’re pre-ordering #TheLastMagazine, thank u, and please consider doing it on B&N here, and boycotting @Amazon: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] …

Ah, yes ... Amazon is involved in some kind of dispute with Cullen's publisher. Good. I hope the feud drags on for months, if not years.

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John Waters is cracking me up on @CraigyFerg. I may have to get his book #Carsick. (@nprbooks preview here: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] …

Divine was supposed to play the titular character in Serial Mom, but s/he/it died before filming began.

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Tom just destroyed his career. “Tomorrow” opened really weak in Europe, too, right? I guess he still has Asia. @ScottMendelson

In my lifetime, I've only seen one Tom Cruise movie in the theater - Valkyrie. And that was only because I went with someone who wanted to see it.

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.@NY1 has whole commercial series explaining that weather rpts helps u decide what to wear, what to do outside, etc. WHO DOESN’T KNOW THIS?!

The same stupid people who swallow your bullshit? There are an awful lot of them out there.

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And when are editors going to retire that ridiculous term “gay marriage." RT @reuters: Federal judge strikes down… @nytimes

So "gay marriage" is out? We have to say "same-sex marriage" now? How many more unnecessary syllables do we need to add to our national discourse?

What happens when someone decides that "same-sex" is offensive? What then? Where does all of this end?

Interestingly enough, I was reading not too long ago that there's a movement to ban the word homosexual.

What is it with people who want to ban words? Haven't they read Orwell?

(Actually, I'm pretty sure that they *have* read Orwell, and that they're taking his message to heart.)

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Choking up watching D-Day celebrations.

I hadn't pegged you as a flag-waver, but go ahead and bawl your eyes out if it makes you feel better.

Believe it or not, Davey Boy was an Army Guy back in the day. Good for him.

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Another shooter in Seattle. Ugh. So much for #NotOneMore. (FYI, I might do a phone-in to @ErinBurnett on CNN after the press conference.)

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!

DAVE CULLEN MIGHT CALL ERIN BURNETT AND SHE MIGHT PUT HIM ON THE AIR AND I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HEAR HIS VOICE ON CNN!!!!

IHOPEHECALLSIHOPEHECALLSIHOPEHECALLSIHOPEHECALLSIHOPEHECALLS

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PS. CNN cut back to the replay of AC360 after the press conference, so I won’t be on tonight. And I’d really like to never do this again.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I WANTED TO HEAR YOU ON CNN DAVE I WANTED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE BUT THEY HAD TO PUT ANDERSON FUCKING COOPER ON THE AIR I HATE ANDERSON COOPER HE IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM!!!!

I WANT TO HEAR DAVE CULLEN! AND NO ONE ELSE! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME CNN IF YOU DON'T PUT DAVE CULLEN ON THE AIR I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE MY MIND I AM GOING TO GO CRAZY!!!!!

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Easy psychopathy screening: Show Bambi to schoolchildren. Note all though NOT sniffling for further evaluation. @zombyboy

Yeah, that Walt Disney was such a fucking manipulative asshole. Anyone who doesn't respond to his bag of cheap cinematic tricks is a psychopath.

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I kinda-recently sobbed through most of Perks of Being A Wallflower. Hit close to home. @zombyboy @PublishersWkly @vulture

Hmm ... I haven't seen that movie. I don't know what it's about. But it's good to know that you're not emotionally repressed.

You like to brag about your crying, don't you?

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And “guilty pleasures” always struck me as odd. Why should I feel guilty about a pleasure. Freaking embrace it. @magiciansbook

Well ... my guilty pleasure is mocking you, Dave. So I guess you're absolving me of my guilt for pushing your buttons. Thank you.

P.S. Wipe that fucking emoticon off your Twitter feed, or I'll do it for you.

P.S.S. Sorry - I'm being a total bitch. It's the caffeine. Forgive me, Dave. You can use as many emoticons as you want.

P.S.S.S. Seriously, the emoticon is trite and smarmy. Get rid of it.

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Candidly: I turn down most judging, because u have to slog through a lot of medium-grade copy. Yours lit up from the start. @BKKApologist

Dave, your entire book consisted of "medium-grade copy."

Have you no sense of irony, sir? At long last, have you no sense of irony?

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Felt very iffy about yoga tonight, working mild hangover and over-tiredness. SO glad I went. Need to make it a habit again.

See, there's that hangover again. Be careful - the sauce has ruined better men than you.

At any rate, I'm glad yoga is working out for you. I've never tried it myself.

Dave Cullen and a few of his disciples once went mental at me when I questioned his choice of fancy dress costume. He still brings it up now and then in his tweets.

Radioactive_Clothing wrote:

Dave Cullen and a few of his disciples once went mental at me when I questioned his choice of fancy dress costume. He still brings it up now and then in his tweets.

So he's a thin-skinned grudge-holder? It's hard to call the news a shock.

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Sad that the Fox hoax is still paying off. My parents quote garbage constantly. RT @BuzzFeedAndrew pic.twitter.com/rGfLjXyFEW @jonward11

Dave's parents watch Fox News Channel, so they're conservatives. (Or maybe his dad likes to gaze at all those Foxy blonde news babes?) Their son does not concur with their political views.

Interesting.

The obsession with Dave Cullen continues. Are we really picking apart his Twitter comments?

sergeant hartman wrote:

The obsession with Dave Cullen continues.

I like that song:
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Are we really picking apart his Twitter comments?

Yes, I believe we are.

Like they say, there's no such thing as bad publicity...

Cullen tweeted this at 12:20 p.m. (Eastern) on Wednesday, June 11:

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A little crazy at CNN studio. Hagel press conf delayed start of show. Ashleigh is about to go on. She's hiding... [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

It is 12:25 right now. I'm not watching CNN, and I'm not going to change the channel now.

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!

DAVE CULLEN IS GOING TO BE ON CNN RIGHT NOW HE IS GOING TO BE ON CNN HE IS GOING TO BE ON CNN HE IS GOING TO BE ON CNN I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every single time someone goes on a shooting rampage, he goes on CNN to share his dubious wisdom. EVERY SINGLE TIME. What a fucking attention-whoring tool.

Please, God, let the world realize what a crock of shit he's spewing.

See, I'm a cynical money-grubbing asshole myself, but I have nothing but contempt for attention whores. There is nothing more pitiful than the sight of a grown man masturbating his ego in front of a worldwide audience.

So he's an expert on school shootings now? Okay... Wait, they did ask him appear on CNN? Or did he ask them?

perpetual state wrote:

So he's an expert on school shootings now? Okay... Wait, they did ask him appear on CNN? Or did he ask them?

I don't know. He seems to have some kind of standing arrangement where he's on call to appear every time someone shoots up a school or shopping mall.

It's not an occasional thing - it's nearly EVERY FUCKING TIME one of these things happens.

Hey, I just had an idea.

Sometimes Cullen's tweets reference the hashtag "#NotOneMore" - as in, not one more school shooting.

I'm happy to endorse the sentiment of "#NotOneMore" - as in, not one more media-whoring appearance by Dave Cullen on one of our incredibly vapid national "news" networks.

How about it, Dave?

Well, so much for my "#NotOneMore" proposal:

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@CNNAshleigh Banfield has asked me back to continue discussing media's role in school shootings tomorrow, noon hour ET @CNN #muckedup

Like Cullen, Ashleigh Banfield is where she is now mainly because she was a minor-league reporter who happened to be in the right place at the right time when a big story broke:
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She rushed to the scene before the second World Trade Center tower fell in Lower Manhattan, and she stayed there all day, covered in ash.

Ashleigh. Yeah, I can see it.

The 9/11 Truther types have posted numerous clips of her reporting on "secondary explosions":
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After going to Islamabad to cover the fighting in Afghanistan in late September 2001, she was ridiculed by some in the news media for dying her hair a severe shade of brown, to blend better into the Arab world.

That was pretty smart, actually. Many Arab men act like animals (sorry, but it's true - their attitude toward women is medieval) and consider Western women - blonde women, especially - sluts. If you're a blonde Western woman in that kind of environment, it's better to blend in.

Just ask Lara Logan:
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Does Cullen dye his hair?

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But as the third-place network, MSNBC seemed to like the attention.

Not as much as Cullen does, I'm sure.

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The real joy today: lunch/meeting my new @harperbooks editor for my next book on 2 gay soldiers. I love her! [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] …

I'm glad for Cullen - honestly, I am. Now he'll have something to talk about other than Columbine. The less time he spends promoting himself as the World's Premiere Expert on Mass Shootings, the better.

Maybe his book about gay soldiers will deflect public attention from his book about straight shooters.

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In the CNN green room. Oh, they just came for me. Heading to studio

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

DAVE CULLEN IS GONNA BE ON TV I AM SO EXCITED I AM SO EXCITED I AM SO EXCITED

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Ready to go onto Ashleigh. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

So you're going "onto" Ashleigh Banfield, Dave? Surely you would never go "into" her.

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Ready to go onto Ashleigh Banfield. @CNNAshleigh

Yes, the world waits with bated breath for your appearance on CNN.

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Doh! Just got bumped by the president.

Barry, I think I speak for everyone here when I say, "I love you, man!"

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Well, goo to be bumped by the best.

Goo? Do you mean good?

It's called proofreading, Dave. You read your crap before you send it out. It's not that hard when you're sending three-sentence tweets.

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Now where can I wear this makeup?

Anywhere you want, as long as it's not in front of a camera.

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I ran into Anderson Cooper in the elevator, who was headed up to interview Frank DeAngelis, who said it went... [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Anderson Cooper is a power bottom, I hear.

So, Dave, I've been meaning to ask ... are you ... I mean, do you ... oh, fuck it all, I'll come right out and ask it: are you a pitcher or a catcher?

In the CNN green room. Oh, they just came for me. Heading to studio

First they came for the best-selling Columbine authors, and I did not speak out -- because I was not a best-selling Columbine author.

Then they came for the B-listers, and I did not speak out -- because I was not a B-lister.

Then they came for the C-listers, and I did not speak out -- because I was not a C-lister.

Then they came for me -- and there was no one left to speak for me.

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Retiring Columbine Principal Frank DeAngelis on @AC360 tonight. (I think it’s running tonight.) He will be missed. @FrankDiane72

1. Mr. D

He told them he loved them. Each and every one of them. He spoke without notes but chose his words carefully. Frank DeAngelis waited out the pom-pom routines, the academic awards, and the student-made videos. After an hour of revelry, the short, middle-aged man strode across the gleaming basketball court to address his student body. He took his time. He smiled as he passed the marching band, the cheerleaders, and the Rebels logo painted beneath flowing banners proclaiming recent sports victories. He faced two thousand hyped-up high school students in the wooden bleachers and they gave him their full attention. Then he told them how much they meant to him. How his heart would break to lose just one of them.

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The Rick Perry nonsense comparing us (homos) to alcoholics used to infuriate me. Now I just laugh at him.

Oh, so homo is okay now? Or is it like the n-word - you can use it, but others can't?

Rick Perry is still around? I haven't heard his name in quite a while.

He told them he loved them. Each and every one of them. He spoke without notes but chose his words carefully. Frank DeAngelis waited out the pom-pom routines, the academic awards, and the student-made videos. After an hour of revelry, the short, middle-aged man strode across the gleaming basketball court to address his student body. He took his time. He smiled as he passed the marching band, the cheerleaders, and the Rebels logo painted beneath flowing banners proclaiming recent sports victories. He faced two thousand hyped-up high school students in the wooden bleachers and they gave him their full attention. Then he told them how much they meant to him. How his heart would break to lose just one of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a cock-a-doodie pep rally, Dave. B-O-R-I-N-G for non-jock-sniffers.

I was trying to find a YouTube clip of the principal in Scream (1996). At one point, he uses the PA system to tell the students he loves them. But then, when he confronts two mischief-makers in his office, he says...

PRINCIPAL
You make me so sick. Your entire havoc-inducing, thieving, whoring generation disgusts me.... Fairness would be to rip your insides out and hang you from a tree, so we can expose you for the heartless desensitized little shits that you are!

I would have paid good money to hear my principal say that at a pep rally.

LPorter, you're hilarious!! Stalking him on Twitter is weird though.

perpetual state wrote:

LPorter, you're hilarious!! Stalking him on Twitter is weird though.

So I'm hilarious, but weird? I can live with that.

[Eric] enjoyed quoting Nietzsche and Shakespeare, but missed the irony of his own nickname, Reb: so rebellious he'd named himself after the school mascot.

Or was he trying to be ironic? Maybe he thought, "I loathe the fuckers in this suburban shithole, but I can still name myself after their mascot. It's my way of saying 'Fuck you, I'm the real rebel here.'"

Or maybe he didn't.

When customers stacked up at the counter and drivers rushed in for pickups, somebody needed to take control and Eric was your man.

This never would have happened on his watch:
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He was like a robot under pressure.

If this had happened on his watch, he would have known what to say:
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Nothing could faze him, not when he cared about the outcome.

If this had happened on his watch, he would have apologized profusely and offered the woman a refund:
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Eric was a little control freak.

He never would have let this situation get out of hand:
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Nobody put Dylan in charge of anything. He was unreliable.

Yes, he was:
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I wonder Cullen responds to criticism of his book. I heard he was sensitive to that. Cullen seems put to himself out there in the media. I looked at his Twitter, he's like one of does Twitter fiends that tweets every minute.  

perpetual state wrote:

I wonder Cullen responds to criticism of his book.

He responds by curling up into a fetal position.

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I heard he was sensitive to that.

Yep.

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Cullen seems put to himself out there in the media.

That's the understatement of the decade. The man is desperate for attention. God knows what he'd do for five minutes of national airtime.

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I looked at his Twitter, he's like one of does Twitter fiends that tweets every minute.  

LOOK AT ME I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR I AM SMART I AM SEXY I AM THE BESTEST MAN IN THE HISTORY OF MEN I AM DAVE CULLEN AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT I AM ON CNN ALL THE FUCKING TIME BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING AWESOME JEFF KASS CAN SUCK MY BALLS I AM FABULOUS I AM FABULOUS I AM FABULOUS!!!!!!!!

Switch to decaf, Dave.

I would love to read Jeff Kass book it's hard to find it. I don't know if want to buy it. Yea, I'm cheap.  But it's not hard to find Cullen's book, obviously.

perpetual state wrote:

I would love to read Jeff Kass book it's hard to find it. I don't know if want to buy it. Yea, I'm cheap.  But it's not hard to find Cullen's book, obviously.

If you have an Amazon account, you can read excerpts of the Kindle version. (You can read Kindle books on a standard PC.)

This is how the book starts:

Day One

On the day of Columbine seventeen-year-old Dylan Bennet Klebold is wearing a black T-shirt with "Wrath" printed in red letters across the chest. The red matches the blood that will later gurgle out of his head to form a jagged halo when he lies dead on the floor of the high school library.

Under Klebold's black trench coat is an Intratec Tec-DC9, semi-automatic pistol attached to his body with a shoulder strap. Around noon, Klebold will place the gun to his left temple and fire a 9mm bullet through his skull, exiting the right temple. Tucked away in his black cargo pants is a Stevens 12-gauge side-by-side double-barrel shotgun cut down to about twenty-three inches, which Klebold will have to reload after every two rounds.

Klebold wears his beloved black baseball cap, with the Boston Red Sox logo, backawrds. His long, puffy brown hair flares out below the cap and one student thinks he looks like a clown. Klebold also has grown a goatee and mustache. On his left hand is a black, fingerless glove, while his left ring finger has a silver-colored ring with a black stone. The rest of Klebold's wardrobe consists of white socks, black boots and blue-green plaid boxer shorts. On his left boot is a red star medallion containing a hammer and sickle.

Eric David Harris, eighteen, is wearing black cargo pants and a white T-shirt that reads "Natural Selection." Under his black trench coat is a Hi-Point 9mm carbine rifle on a strap. He also carries a Savage Springfield 12-gauge shotgun with the stock and barrel cut off. It is twenty-six inches long, and Harris can cycle and fire five rounds before having to reload. Later in the day Harris will wrap his teeth around the shotgun's single barrel and pull the trigger.

Harris completes his outfit much like Klebold: fingerless black glove on his right hand, white socks, black combat boots and green plaid underwear.

Harris and Klebold have hand signals, and one imagines them jotting down the gestures before the massacre with a mixture of excitement and exactitude; serious about the carnage, but giddy to kill. The signals include:

Bombing -- wave fist
Cops sighted -- wave hand
Suicide -- point to head with gun

Like children overloaded with candy, Harris and Klebold fill their cargo pants with C02 bomblets, but save space in their pockets and utility belts for shotgun shells, and 9mm cartridge magazines. A backpack and a duffel bag hold more bombs.

...

Harris then turns to Kacey Ruegsegger. She is covering her ears with her hands when Harris sends a shotgun slug through her right shoulder. Her arm floats up in the air, and comes back down. She thinks it is shot off.

"Oh," she says.

"Stop your bitching," one of the gunmen tells her.

Klebold shoots Patrick Ireland. Still, Ireland's head rises above a desk as he tries to administer first aid. He is hit a second time with shotgun pellets. His injuries are to the head, and right foot. He will not die.

Harris walks to another table. He slaps the table top twice with his left hand and says, "Peek-a-boo."

He bends down, and sees Cassie Bernall. She is a seventeen-year-old junior with blond hair who traded her fascination with witchcraft for religion. Holding the shotgun in his right hand, Harris kills her with pellets that pass through her right middle finger -- possibly because she is covering her face -- and into the right side of her head. The wound is smoking.

After he shoots Bernall, the shotgun recoil throws the gun rearward into his face, breaking his nose and giving him a bloody milk mustache.

"Oh man, I shot my nose," Harris says.

"Why'd you do that?" Klebold replies.

Harris makes his way to Bree Pasquale, who is sitting on the floor because there was not enough room under a nearby table. He stares her in the face and repeatedly asks if she wants to die. She repeatedly says no. Harris laughs. "Everyone's going to die," he says.

Klebold tells Harris to shoot her. "No, we're gonna blow up the school anyway," Harris says, still pointing his shotgun at her.

Aaron Cohn says he is laying face down on the floor, with Bree on top of him. Klebold says, "How about you big boy, you want to get shot today?"

Cohn looks left and sees a shotgun barrel twelve inches from his face. "Why don't you get up?" Klebold says.

Cohn doesn't move. Klebold walks on.

Harris and Klebold are hooting, hollering, and laughing. Their joy floats through the room:

"This is so much fun."

Cullen and some guy named Mike Hutchisson have been going at it - something about whether or not gay people should laugh about homophobia.

Been a long time since anyone told me when I’m allowed to laugh—nuns!—so now I’m curious: Are you gay? @HutchissonMike

Ah, yes - he went to Catholic school. No doubt he got whacked with rulers all the time.

I still want to know whether you’re gay. @HutchissonMike

That, Dave, you will never know. If we choose to set you free when we have finished with you, and if you live to be ninety years old, still you will never learn whether the answer to that question is Yes or No. As long as you live it will be an unsolved riddle in your mind.

Oh, wait - you were talking to that Mike guy. Who gives a fuck who he fucks?

.@BobbySneakers just jumped up on me and licked me 1st time today. Progress! Still won’t play w/ his toys, but mostly stopped whistling.

Bobby Sneakers is a dog - a corgi.

At first I thought Bobby might be a person.

.@BobbySneakers is still a bit nervous: pacing, sad whistling noise, searching for his mommy, returning to the door.

Yes, that was the reaction I had after I read your book. It was so horrendously awful that I began regressing to childhood. I sucked my thumb for weeks.

Oh, I’ve been meaning to do my first vine! I should do @BobbySneakers! Yeah, he has provided me many hours of joy. @taylordobbs

Bestiality is a serious crime, Dave! Dogs are not capable of giving consent!

Shame on you!

And I LOVE @BobbySneakers? (Who wouldn’t.) @taylordobbs

Yeah, dogs are great. They're endlessly loving and loyal.

If I were a dog, would I be devoting this much time and mental energy to mocking your tweets? Of course not. Dogs can't even type!

Wow, u know ur corgis! We’re doing a 2-day test, to see if I can handle helping out occasionally, and/or dog ownership. @taylordobbs

You've never had a dog, Dave? Not even as a kid? Wow.

Breakfast without @BobbySneakers. What a joy have him this weekend. Seriously considering getting one. What an amazing creation for man.

Are dogs created? I know they are bred, but is that the same thing as created?

So disappointed for Dragon. RT @Deadline BIG Father's Day fade for @JumpStMovies ($57M tops), #HTTYD2 ($49.5M tops), #TFIOS (down 69%).

So How to Train Your Dragon 2 didn't do as well as DreamWorks hoped.

Do you own DreamWorks stock, Dave? Do you know any of the people who worked on the movie?

Thx. RT @iloveteaching2: "Columbine" I learned many new facts;

You learned many new facts? What facts? The fact that Eric Harris was a swaggering Lothario who boinked Brenda Parker? The fact that poor little Dylan was a dickless emo who shat his pants every time big bad Eric glanced in his direction? The fact that Dave Cullen is psychic? (He has to be - he describes the killers' thoughts in detail.)

Those aren't facts, my dear ... they're falsehoods.

it cleared up misinformation.

Yes. The world thought that Eric Harris was a dorky virgin, but we now know that he was a regular Casanova.

Surprisingly couldn't put it down...

So the book got stuck to your hands? How'd you get it off?

LPorter101 wrote:

Thx. RT @iloveteaching2: "Columbine" I learned many new facts;

You learned many new facts? What facts? The fact that Eric Harris was a swaggering Lothario who boinked Brenda Parker? The fact that poor little Dylan was a dickless emo who shat his pants every time big bad Eric glanced in his direction? The fact that Dave Cullen is psychic? (He has to be - he describes the killers' thoughts in detail.)

Those aren't facts, my dear ... they're falsehoods.

it cleared up misinformation.

Yes. The world thought that Eric Harris was a dorky virgin, but we now know that he was a regular Casanova.

Surprisingly couldn't put it down...

So the book got stuck to your hands? How'd you get it off?

  

Me too. MT @Savage7289 This guy appearing in my timeline. I like it!! @WomensEyeCandy1 @BookSlutGoddess @jjpsuperman

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Is he your type, Dave? I had you pegged as a chubby chaser.