I looked awful in my senior pictures, as I did in nearly all of the pictures I took in high school. I never want to look at them again.
Eric and Dylan's lives were a lot more "normal" than mine. They had a lot more freedom than I ever did.
My mother was controlling and domineering. She never let me go anywhere without her. When I was 18, she treated me the way a normal mother might treat a five-year-old - she didn't even let me go into the backyard without permission. I never rebelled against her - I thought, "This is the way things are, and there's nothing I can do about it."
I sometimes wonder if my not having had freedom was a good thing. I now think it might have been. I was so fat and awkward and weird that, if I'd tried to live a normal life, I would have been roasted alive by the other kids.
Even though I never spoke to any girls, some of them went out of their way to let me know that I was not the kind of guy who was allowed even to look at them, let alone to talk to them. If I had gone around the school trying to get dates, I would have been crushed by the constant rejections.
The way I got through school was to say, "This is a job and a formality, nothing more; the other kids are bugs crawling on the floor and I don't need to worry about them." I buried myself in my hobbies and interests.
I ignored the other kids nearly all of the time, and they ignored me. In the end, that was a blessing.
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Why does anyone do anything?