Friendship Revisited

I think we have talked about this before but I read something interesting the other day and I thought for the new people on the board, they might have some takes on it too.

There has been a lot of discussion since Columbine about Eric and Dylan's friendship, how close were they? Were they best friends or a means to an end? They met each other I think at the end of 7th or 8th grade and in AMR Sue mentions I think Eric and Dylan were close at the end of 8th grade but he doesn't come up in any writings or journals until the summer before junior year as far as we know. It is always Zach that Dylan talks about.

We know that Eric regarded Dylan as his closest and best friend, having pushed a lot of other people away.

What I read brought up a few good questions, what did they actually have in common? They liked some of the same music and playing Doom... then of course when they started planning the massacre and that was something the two of them shared. Dylan was even noted as saying "Eric's life revolves around guns, that's all he talks about."

In the Basement Tapes when Eric gets emotional he is alone. He is angry and hyperbolic with Dylan. As far as we know Eric didn't know about Dylan's depression or how sad he was.

It was also said that Eric and Dylan didn't know about even girls they both liked but I disagree because I think Dylan's list of girls with the "R" in the heart was for "Reb" like he knew Eric liked her too so I think even if it was a surface friendship in some ways at the very least they talked about girls they thought were hot.

Then again Dylan wrote about 7 pages in Eric's yearbook, that makes me wonder too how many people did Eric ask to sign his yearbook? Surely they would have seen all the writings?

Sorry for the formatting…

“How close were they?”

I think they were good friends until the idea of NBK resonated with both of them. After that, they were like the perfect storm for each other. They were both cool with the idea somehow, and there for I feel like especially for Eric, they were brothers in a way. Kind of like - no one else will do this with me but Dylan/Eric will. We understand each other like no one else.

“Were they best friends or a means to an end?”

Both…

“We know that Eric regarded Dylan as his closest and best friend, having pushed a lot of other people away.”

I don’t really think a lot of people gave Eric much of a chance. I don’t think he pushed people away. If someone would listen to him, he’d keep them around… if not, oh well just another guy he’d be cool with at school.

“What did they actually have in common?”

I think they both felt like society did not understand each of them. They shared the problem of having depression, anger, etc. I think they had similar thought patterns and could agree on a lot of things when conversing. I think Eric had a way of expressing himself that Dylan latched onto.

“In the Basement Tapes when Eric gets emotional he is alone. He is angry and hyperbolic with Dylan.”

Eric hid his emotions from everyone. I think he put on this certain face with everyone. This act of being in control and angry at the world. He was angry at the world, but he knew he needed help. He dropped hints about NBK here and there seeing if anyone would bite. I think he wanted people to see how disturbed he was- but when no one gave a crap and wrote him off as just this violent gun loving kid he gave up. He even regresses in his journal NBK might not happen if people respected him or if he got laid. Eric only let his emotions out when no one was around, which that in itself, is still sell destructive When you have no one you feel you can let yourself out to, what else is there? He might have let himself show a little bit when he was at consoling, but at the same time thought it wouldn’t be worth it.. he probably thought the therapist wouldn’t understand him anyway.

“As far as we know Eric didn't know about Dylan's depression or how sad he was.”

I think Dylan never showed Eric his depressed side as well. I think Eric may have picked up on it but never said anything cause why? That would just be a “p**** move” to him probably. They both knew they had problems, but decided because they had all this anger, frustration, etc. NBK was the best option to get respect/get noticed/ make them “god like.”

“even if it was a surface friendship in some ways at the very least they talked about girls they thought were hot.”

Sure they did occasionally …but on the outside, I don’t think it was too important to talk about. Dylan, yes girls were important internally. But he would never show that side of him being vulnerable like that to Eric. Eric seemed like all he wanted to do was get “action”, but I’m sure deep down he needed/wanted a girlfriend.

“Then again Dylan wrote about 7 pages in Eric's yearbook, that makes me wonder too how many people did Eric ask to sign his yearbook? Surely they would have seen all the writings?”

I don’t think a lot of people signed his yearbook. He wasn’t that close to a lot of people. And if other people did sign it and saw what Dylan wrote, they played it off as just “That’s weird… Whatever..”

Just my two cents…

Screamingophelia wrote:

Were they best friends or a means to an end?

Maybe it's the optimist inside me but I'd like to believe that Eric and Dylan were genuine best friends and not just using each other.