My sister's letter about knowing Eric, the Harrises, etc.

I'm so glad people seemed to get a lot out of the last e-mail I posted from my sister about the real Rachel. A lot of you asked questions about if she knew Eric or Dylan, if she saw what happened in the halls of Columbine bullying wise, and all that. The answer is yes, she knew Eric starting when he and his family first moved to Colorado just on the other side of the greenbelt from our house. So here's her e-mail.

"Hey Ki,

These questions are even harder to answer than the ones about Rachel. These are some things I've been holding ever since the shooting happened.

Yes I knew Eric Harris. As you know mom's old house was in Columbine Knolls South just across the street from Cabrini. When Eric and his family moved to Colorado in middle school, they first moved to a house just on the other side of Wayside Park. You know how our house was on Saulsbury right caddy corner to the "main" street Elmhurst from the park? Originally the Harrises lived just across the park. I know this because when I started at Ken Caryl, there were a handful of us that got on the bus together at this corner.

The other kids included Brooks and later Aaron Brown, who lived a street or two over in the other direction,towards Wads. I was actually friends with Aaron from elementary school. We were part of group of kids who ran around outside and played soccer and other things at the park together. It was the 80s and early 90s, it was normal for kids from the streets close by to play outside together all day in the summer, which led to weekends and hanging out after school.. Brooks was the oldest of the group of kids withing aw couple years of each other age wise, who lived in this part of the neighborhood, he was always a bit of a jerk,even back in grade school. He started that pretentious patronizing thing very young. I remember Jen and I being called variations of stupid a lot, we loved New Kids On The Block, ha ha, he made so much fun of us We were so happy when he went to a different school than us but of course when he saw us or in the summer, he was even more big headed (somethings never change ha ha). But Aaron was a cool kid. I was glad when Brooks changed elementary schools, he wasn't there to be mean to us waiting for the bus. When the Harris family moved across the park, Eric became part of this group when he moved in in middle school.

Of course, by the time we were at Ken Cary the whole dynamic of everything changed, which was to be expected with a bunch of awkward hormonal preteens. I was still doing dance and gymnastics and my group at school consisted of Rachel, Jen and Sarah, as well as a couple other girls. We were the first girls in our grade to have "boyfriends", kind of echoing what was to come. I never had classes with Eric, Brooks or their friends (which included Dylan, at Ken Caryl I didn't know him by name, I just recognized him as the tall shy guy that was always with Eric and their friends), as they were a grade above but we did ride the bus together. We even sometimes played the same game we had in elementary school where we kicked rocks at the stop sign and assigned points. Eric was the best, because he was still super into soccer then. He talked about it a lot. you could tell he loved it, but because he wasn't some big football player, his dad wasn't as proud. Sometimes we walked home from school, and occasionally one of the moms would, Kathy our mom, Jen's mom, and very very rarely Judy Brown, if they were going to work late or the weather was really bad.

In true suburban fashion all of our moms were friends as well, Kathy was very sweet. I didn't know her too well, but I remember mom being so completely devastated when she found out it was Eric who was one of the shooters. I'm not sure if you remember much of that, since you were living with us for part of that year but you were in elementary school. The only mom who was kind of the odd one out was Judy Brown, she was just very patronizing to the other moms and kids and even though she was involved, even I was able to tell there was something a bit off with her. She was very similar to Brooks in a way, just the middle aged mother version. We always wondered how Aaron came from that family when he was so cool and normal.

Around when either Eric or I started at Columbine, the Harrises moved to a new house that happened to be on the other side of our house than where they were living, it was honestly a move a 1/2 mile away, but it was into a bigger house. Anyway I remember Mr. Harris from one of the community picnics, he never came to events and when he didn't Kathy wouldn't, she did whatever he told her to. But he was very proud of the move and talking a lot about his military career. He also bragged about Eric's older brother Kevin (who admittedly me and Jen had a crush on when they first moved in, like typical 12 year old girls idolizing older guys, him being a high schooler made him seem so mature and he played football, we just thought he was better than the loser boys our age. Nothing ever came of it and it fizzled out after that first summer they moved in After all we were by then head over heels in love with Leo (DeCaprio)! I was never friends specifically with Eric, I never went to his house, or hung out with just him. But I definitely knew him as my neighbor.

Anyway when we were all in high school, that's when things obviously changed. Our freshman year Eric was still riding the bus with us, being a sophomore. I think that's when the stupid drama with the chunk of ice and the windshield started. But as a freshman I was on the cheerleading squad, and then as a sophomore moved to the varsity poms squad. As I've told you  before, we fulfilled all the stereotypes of preppy girls who hung out with the athletes. I admit I became very image obsessed. Rachel was still in our friends group then. We went to parties, we went to the mall, we went to the school events. Obviously I never saw Eric or Brooks or their friends doing any of those things. I might have been meaner to some girls than I should have, just catty stuff on the poms squad or with the group of top varsity cheer girls who we were kind of frenemies. But as far as bullying the outcast groups or nerdy kids or whatever, I never personally did. But I will admit, I was witness to some of it. I laughed along with the group when I shouldn't have. If it was really escalating I'd swat the guys arm, and say come on stop, but they never really took me seriously I don't think. I could have and should have stood up more. But I didn't, and I do have a lot of guilt about that to this day. Like if my obsession with being popular and liked by the crowd I was with, essentially directly led to Rachel's death and everything else that happened and all the people who were hurt and killed. I do remember during this time a lot of petty vandalism was happening around the neighborhood. Our house had super glue put in the lock, which was way less than some of our neighbors getting fireworks set off in their yards, and other damage. I never knew until after the shooting that Eric and his friends were responsible for this, but in retrospect it makes sense.

The infamous ketchup tampon episode... I don't think that ever happened. I think that probably came about because of two different events that were mixed. The worst of the bullying happened when I was a freshman and sophomore when Rocky and his crew were still at Columbine. I was there when the ketchup packets were thrown at the "dirties" as the goth/punk/alt crowd was known, I think it was specifically Eric and Dylan and one other person I don't remember. It was just ketchup packets. There was another episode that involved tampons, I don't think it was to Eric or Dylan  specifically, but people they associated with and hung out with. It was when the upper classmen who coined the Trench Coat Mafia group, were still around. I forget the exact details but I remember they were pelted with clean tampons during gym class.I don't really know the details because I wasn't there for that, but I do remember hearing about it afterwards. The "Trench Coat Mafia" wasn't a cohesive group like the jock guys. It was just a group of some kids, none who I knew, who hung out and were kind of outcasts. I think one or two upperclassmen guys wore the trench coats but they graduated the year or so before. It was really just a small group of friends, they didn't do anything together as one group or anything like that to my knowledge.

During this time I was aware peripherally of the changes in Eric, getting darker, angrier, I remember one of the last times we saw each other when we had to ride the bus together he was complaining about stupid preppy bitches, meaning me and Jen. He had so much anger in his voice that he didn't before, it was kind of scary. From then on, when we started driving ourselves to school as upperclassmen (even when I was still an underclassman I had an older boyfriend most of the time or had older friends on the poms squad, who were happy to pick me up)

When everything happened that day and I found out Eric was involved I completely shut down. I was horrified and yet not surprised at the same time. It was hard to remember the Eric I first met, to the Eric I was exchanged words with, which was the Eric who killed one of my best friends, maimed, injured and killed my other classmates and friends and destroyed our community and our innocence. I kept my mouth shut when my classmates, friends and neighbors were raging about how evil and awful Eric (and Dylan) were. I never tried to bring up the old Eric, who was a nice kid..I bottled that guilt inside, that I should have stood up to my friends and the people who weren't really my friends but were in my social group (like Rocky and the football players, who were still sexist pigs to the cheer and poms girls a lot, but we giggled and tried to shrug it off, we thought if we freaked out we would lose our status, so stupid in retrospect, right/ I turned to drinking, senior year I was pretty out of control partying and by the time I was at CU Boulder, I was a full blown alcoholic. I've been sober for 5 years, and I really appreciate you listening to some of the stuff I've kept inside for a long time. It's been really crucial to my recovery.

There's a lot I wish I could have said to Eric. I fantasized standing up to Rocky and telling him he was being stupid and lame and to leave those guys alone, instead of just feeling sick inside and chuckling and giving the worst excuse of trying to say stop in existence. I wish I hadn't been so concerned with being well liked, being popular, having the right clothes, stupid, stupid things like that  I sometimes think of what would have happened if I had gone to the library that day instead of picking up my prom pictures down the street. If Eric walked up to me, would he have shot me point blank? I had become everything he hated, was in the group with the people who were pretty awful to him, I was one of the varsity poms captains. Or would he remember me from middle school, when we kicked rocks at the stop sign for points. It's something that still haunts me to this day.

I hope that answered the questions you sent me. This is the  first time I've really shared all this, so I hope too many people don't hate me. There's no excuse for some of the stuff that happened, but remember that we were all young and naive and just didn't know better. It's just horrible that we had to learn to grow up the way we did.

Love you lots, can't wait to see you for Christmas.

<3 Linds"

Very interesting, thank you for asking your sister all our questions! And please, tell your sister thank you for taking the time to answer our questions.

i agree. Fascinating to read!

Thank you for sharing this!

It’s really great to hear such a unique perspective from you and your sister. I apologize if you answered this but I find from the people I know and from seeing the movie we are columbine some people are starting to feel more comfortable speaking out. However, do you guys have anyone in your life that still refuse to talk about it? Is there any anger towards the people who are speaking out? There was a line in the movie at the beginning and one of the girls being interviewed said she felt like she was betraying her friends by being in the movie.

Yeah of course!

No it's okay, I actually haven't answered that. So none of my family really talked about it. My sister completed held it in for a long time. She said senior year she was partying every single weekend, getting blackout drunk, etc. By the time she was at CU, she was putting booze in her morning coffee. I had no idea she had this problem, my mom didn't, our brother, her dad, etc. Her friends were kind of concerned, but in college she wouldn't even tell people she went to Columbine, she just said she was from Littleton so people didn't seem to notice. She finally got help for her drinking, but she said she never really processed the shooting and everything around it. Her therapist didn't know how to help her. She's doing really well now, she had a successful career in marketing, she married her dream boy a rich preppy investment banker (okay I'm a litttttle hard on him, I hated him at first but he's grown on me. He adores my sister and their girls and treats them so well, so that alone won me over. We're still from completely different worlds, but he's perfect for my sister.

She didn't start thinking about it more until she was pregnant she said and after her oldest daughter was born that's what motivated her to process it all. That's also when we became closest, that and right before she got married, when I started at Columbine. She came out and visited with her little nugget to show her off to the family and she asked me if I would go to the Memorial (the main one on Rebel Hill) and to visit Rachel's grave. She was pretty quiet when we went to Rebel Hlll but when we went to Chapel Hill and saw the other Columbine memorial and Rachel's grave, she first said, "Oh my God Rach would be so pissed to be buried and spend all iternity next to a Columbine memorial (she hated school)!" Then she kind of laughed and then completely broke down sobbing. I guess me being there with her through all that, made her feel comfortable to open up to me. Our mom is dead, our brother isn't super close with us, I went to Columbine, all that too.

Around this time I started remembering more. I mean I was only 7 almost 8 when it happened. I remember being locked down at Normandy Elementary, I remember coming home and my mom sobbing and when my siblings finally coming home, my sister sobbing and my brother going and slamming himself in his room. I remember the Harris's house, which cause of the winding streets in our neighborhood and the way our house was angled our house had a perfect look towards it. The lights stayed on for days and there were soooooo may cops. I remember the most where I saw dead bodies. Our church had the funeral mass for Danny and Kelly and it was open casket. I also remember my best friend in elementary school and I getting picked up from the pool one day later that summer by her cousin, who I didn't know at the time but was Lance Kirklin. His face looked like the Scuply clay her and I were obsessed with playing and it scared me. For awhile you could see the metal on his jaw.

Speaking of our brother, he was a freshman and was friends with Steve Curnow. He also had been in Confirmation group with Danny Mauser. He hasn't talked about it to anyone. He hated Columbine, occasionally when we'd get together while i was at Columbine and my mom was still alive, he'd say a nasty comment about the school and my mom would tell him to be nice. My brother is a great guy. He lives in Fort Collins, he works on computer, he is sarcastic and fun. He took me to the blink-182 concert at Fiddler's for my birthday the year before last. But he does NOT talk about Columbine. I don't know if he ever will. He's not married, doesn't have kids, so I don't know if that makes a difference.

Wow. kudos to you for posting this and asking your sister, and kudos to your sister for being brave enough to answer. must've been opening up some deep wounds but hopefully it helps her in the long run.

milennialrebelette wrote:

Yeah of course!

No it's okay, I actually haven't answered that. So none of my family really talked about it. My sister completed held it in for a long time. She said senior year she was partying every single weekend, getting blackout drunk, etc. By the time she was at CU, she was putting booze in her morning coffee. I had no idea she had this problem, my mom didn't, our brother, her dad, etc. Her friends were kind of concerned, but in college she wouldn't even tell people she went to Columbine, she just said she was from Littleton so people didn't seem to notice. She finally got help for her drinking, but she said she never really processed the shooting and everything around it. Her therapist didn't know how to help her. She's doing really well now, she had a successful career in marketing, she married her dream boy a rich preppy investment banker (okay I'm a litttttle hard on him, I hated him at first but he's grown on me. He adores my sister and their girls and treats them so well, so that alone won me over. We're still from completely different worlds, but he's perfect for my sister.

She didn't start thinking about it more until she was pregnant she said and after her oldest daughter was born that's what motivated her to process it all. That's also when we became closest, that and right before she got married, when I started at Columbine. She came out and visited with her little nugget to show her off to the family and she asked me if I would go to the Memorial (the main one on Rebel Hill) and to visit Rachel's grave. She was pretty quiet when we went to Rebel Hlll but when we went to Chapel Hill and saw the other Columbine memorial and Rachel's grave, she first said, "Oh my God Rach would be so pissed to be buried and spend all iternity next to a Columbine memorial (she hated school)!" Then she kind of laughed and then completely broke down sobbing. I guess me being there with her through all that, made her feel comfortable to open up to me. Our mom is dead, our brother isn't super close with us, I went to Columbine, all that too.

Around this time I started remembering more. I mean I was only 7 almost 8 when it happened. I remember being locked down at Normandy Elementary, I remember coming home and my mom sobbing and when my siblings finally coming home, my sister sobbing and my brother going and slamming himself in his room. I remember the Harris's house, which cause of the winding streets in our neighborhood and the way our house was angled our house had a perfect look towards it. The lights stayed on for days and there were soooooo may cops. I remember the most where I saw dead bodies. Our church had the funeral mass for Danny and Kelly and it was open casket. I also remember my best friend in elementary school and I getting picked up from the pool one day later that summer by her cousin, who I didn't know at the time but was Lance Kirklin. His face looked like the Scuply clay her and I were obsessed with playing and it scared me. For awhile you could see the metal on his jaw.

Speaking of our brother, he was a freshman and was friends with Steve Curnow. He also had been in Confirmation group with Danny Mauser. He hasn't talked about it to anyone. He hated Columbine, occasionally when we'd get together while i was at Columbine and my mom was still alive, he'd say a nasty comment about the school and my mom would tell him to be nice. My brother is a great guy. He lives in Fort Collins, he works on computer, he is sarcastic and fun. He took me to the blink-182 concert at Fiddler's for my birthday the year before last. But he does NOT talk about Columbine. I don't know if he ever will. He's not married, doesn't have kids, so I don't know if that makes a difference.

Thank you for this. It is really interesting to hear about Rachel too. I know may sound odd but I always feel a bit of a kindred spirit with her. When I was 17 when it happened I sent a card to Rachel‘s family. And I’ve met people who knew her and I know around when the movie came out there was a protest against it by her friends. Most people say that the way she’s been portrayed wasn’t her. Sometimes the way brooks mom and her mom Talk about her it’s almost like they want to turn it into a Shakespearean tragedy especially with the crush rumor. I remember being in high school I was in love every other week lol

I think the people we heard most about throughout the years are the ones that don’t really talk. I think Austin Eubanks has spoken out but people like Val and Lisa have never spoken...

It really sounds like that community is really interwoven.

Lizpuff wrote:

It really sounds like that community is really interwoven.  

Hey it definitely is, especially for being so suburban. I think part of it is everyone comes from the same middle school. That's rare for a lot of the bigger schools in suburban Denver. There's also one main Catholic church in the area, Cabrini, where my family went/I still goto it's where Mr D and his family go and almost all the Catholic kids at CHS. Light of the World isnt mich further but that's mostly Dakota Ridge and some Chatfield kids.

My mom grew up in Littleton, she and her siblings went to Littleton High School though since that's about all there was.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] I get what you mean. I wish I could have been friends with Rachel. I guess she baby sat me when I was super little and my mom and sister and brother weren't home. I never knew that but my sister told me. Sending a card isnt weird either. Apparently people reaching out meant a lot to her family. I made a card for her and her family too.

Heres her grave when I went with my sister.

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milennialrebelette wrote:

Lizpuff wrote:

It really sounds like that community is really interwoven.  

Hey it definitely is, especially for being so suburban. I think part of it is everyone comes from the same middle school. That's rare for a lot of the bigger schools in suburban Denver. There's also one main Catholic church in the area, Cabrini, where my family went/I still goto it's where Mr D and his family go and almost all the Catholic kids at CHS. Light of the World isnt mich further but that's mostly Dakota Ridge and some Chatfield kids.

My mom grew up in Littleton, she and her siblings went to Littleton High School though since that's about all there was.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] I get what you mean. I wish I could have been friends with Rachel. I guess she baby sat me when I was super little and my mom and sister and brother weren't home. I never knew that but my sister told me. Sending a card isnt weird either. Apparently people reaching out meant a lot to her family. I made a card for her and her family too.

Heres her grave when I went with my sister.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

so sweet that people still leave flowers for her...

It looks like people still frequent Rachael's grave and leave flowers! What about the other graves?

When I went on the 19th anniversary Rachel had a lot of flowers and Cory‘s grave is right next to hers in he have lettuce but still son. So I left a bouquet of yellow buds on his grave

Screamingophelia wrote:

Cory‘s grave is right next to hers in he have lettuce but still son. So I left a bouquet of yellow buds  on his grave

What does this mean? He had none?

Lizpuff wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

Cory‘s grave is right next to hers in he have lettuce but still son. So I left a bouquet of yellow buds  on his grave

What does this mean?  He had none?

Darn voice text, sorry!!

He had flowers. However Rachel had a lot more and almost overshadowed his.

Screamingophelia wrote:

Lizpuff wrote:

Screamingophelia wrote:

Cory‘s grave is right next to hers in he have lettuce but still son. So I left a bouquet of yellow buds  on his grave

What does this mean?  He had none?

Darn voice text, sorry!!

He had flowers. However Rachel had a lot more and almost overshadowed his.

Ah! I thought OMG someone left lettuce? LOL

Lol

Who knows maybe it was a little known fact that Cory really liked lettuce? Doubtful but you never know

Screamingophelia wrote:

Lol

Who knows maybe it was a little known fact that Cory really liked lettuce? Doubtful but you never know

Is there anyone who could lettuce know?

Thanks for this, these stories are very interesting.
If possible I'd like to know if she ever had any conversations with Dylan since she seemed to have been around him on multiple occasions?
Even a simple introduction, hello/goodbye? Also does your sister remember the last time she saw Eric before the massacre?
Any conversations with him after that "hate preps" bus comment? Maybe a small convo in passing him in the hallways?
Did it ever cross her mind it could of been Eric before she found out who was shooting, since she seemed to somehow know how dark he had gotten?
Lastly, I assume she was in the school when this all went down, any info on her escape from the school, her feelings when she found it was real gunfire/found out it was Eric?
What it was like being there amidst all the chaos? People say that Dylan knew and or spoke to Rachel since he was involved with the school plays, any truth to that? It must of been mind blowing to hear that someone you grew up with did such a horrible thing. Sorry for so many questions but it isn't everyday you get to talk to someone who has a sibling that was there, let alone basically grew up with Eric.
Hopefully you can run a few of these by her if she has the time. Please do keep the stories coming, and thanks again to you and your sister!

Did you or your sister get to see Smoke in the Room?

I read a couple places that Dylan did sound for it, but it seems unlikely given everything.

My sister did. That year she hadn't been as close to Rachel,  since Rachel was in drama and my sister in poms. But they actually started to reunite towards the end of the year.  Rachel hated school and wasn't planning on coming back . My sister went and saw the opening night. They actually talked for awhile on the phone the night before the shooting. I recently read one of the Rachel books her parents wrote and my sister (first name only) was mentioned, my sister didnt know that until I showed her.

EDIT Rachel's Tears mentions the last convo my sister had with Rachel April 20th before lunch but they also were on the phone the night before.

It was very fascinating to see the transition of Eric through the eyes of someone like your sister.

Once a normal kid kicking rocks and having friends, possibly interesting hobbies turning into a vile and cruel young man full of hatred, hurt by some idiots and taking this crap close to his heart (or whatever was left of it by the time of the shooting).

Also, Rachel. I always thought to myself that although Rachel is painted to be a saint of some sort, it's really refreshing to see that it wasn't all true. Like, I knew that Rachel wasn't that perfect girl with polished reputation and life. She had her share of dumb crap she pulled (which makes her no less of a victim or a horrible person that deserved any of that). However, when I started researching the shooting it was mostly "Rachel was that beacon of light and perfection" just because she was a part of this Christian community. A lot of people who are not into details don't know or don't want to know half of the reality.

vio1ette wrote:

It was very fascinating to see the transition of Eric through the eyes of someone like your sister.

Once a normal kid kicking rocks and having friends, possibly interesting hobbies turning into a vile and cruel young man full of hatred, hurt by some idiots and taking this crap close to his heart (or whatever was left of it by the time of the shooting).

Also, Rachel. I always thought to myself that although Rachel is painted to be a saint of some sort, it's really refreshing to see that it wasn't all true. Like, I knew that Rachel wasn't that perfect girl with polished reputation and life. She had her share of dumb crap she pulled (which makes her no less of a victim or a horrible person that deserved any of that). However, when I started researching the shooting it was mostly "Rachel was that beacon of light and perfection" just because she was a part of this Christian community. A lot of people who are not into details don't know or don't want to know half of the reality.

Rachel was far from perfect but she was one of my sisters best friends. I mremember her when I was little, she even babysat me once, which I remember as WAY more fun than my sis haha.

My sister thinks her parents reaction was partially the result of guilt. Her dad left the family impoverished and honestly wasnt around much (so Christian right? And a "pastor" no less) while her mom, who my sister liked, was so busy trying to provide for 5 kids with no education. Then she met Larry and was head over heels. She wasnt neglectful but Rach was kind of the forgotten. middle child. Her family mocked her interest in drama, her driving, her hair on top of everything. She hated school and was planning on leaving after junior year and moving out the day she turned 18.

So their portrayal isnt accurate but it's hard to attack straight on because of their grief.