Why did Eric apologize so much?

I know this is a very asked question but I thought it would be interesting to talk about this.
On the transcripts of the Basement Tapes, we can notice Eric is very apologetic.
“I’m sorry I have so much rage, but you put it on me”
“(after talking about his parents) I really am sorry about all this”
“My parents are the best fucking parents I have ever known. My dad is great. I wish I was a fucking sociopath so I didn’t have any remorse, but I do. This is going to tear them apart. They will never forget it”
“To all you coolios out there still alive, sorry I hurt you or your friends”
“(referring to his Blackjack Pizza co-workers) You guys are very cool. Sorry, dudes. I had to do what I had to do”
“Yea . . . Everyone I love, I’m really sorry about all this. I know my mom and dad will be just like ... just fucking shocked beyond belief. I’m sorry, all right. I can’t help it [...] Susan, sorry. Under different circumstances it would’ve been a lot different. I want you to have that Fly CD. That’s it. Sorry. Goodbye”
Now, why was Eric saying sorry so much? On the Basement Tapes, he also bragged about lying and making you believe anything so I figured he may have been lying about being sorry but this doesn't make sense because in these tapes they were showing their “true selves”, so I doubt he was posturing and he was probably honest.
We also know Eric cried at one point when he said he wanted to visit some of his friends in Michigan.
For some reason, Eric seemed to regret in some way what was going to happen. It's interesting because Dylan only apologized to his parents on the last tape before the shooting. Because we don't have the tapes, we can't know if he apologized more to his friends and family, like Eric.
We know both guys were homicidal and suicidal, but I'm starting to think this last one may have not applied to Eric that much, compared to Dylan.
Why?
Because Eric probably had more desires to live than Dylan.
Dylan barely apologizes and doesn't care about anything else, because he knows he's going to die. On the last tape he talks about his own suicide, rather than the massacre itself. Eric, on the other hand, throughout the Basement Tapes talks about destruction and chaos but he doesn't focus that much on his suicide. He barely talks about it. But he also knows that what he's going to do is wrong, therefore he apologizes. So why does he carry on with doing the massacre even though he knows it's wrong? My theory it's because he was angry, just like Dylan. Dylan doesn't care that much because he would carry on with the shooting as long as he knows he will die doing it. But there are some points that show that Eric isn't as suicidal as Dylan. He probably wants to spend time with his parents because he loves them. He apologizes to his friends because he loves them. He wants to visit friends in Michigan. No matter how much he said he wanted everyone dead and wanted to exterminate mankind, Eric still loved people around him. Dylan doesn't care about people around him and just said sorry to his parents because they are the ones he still has some appreciation for. This theory follows the thing of “Eric wanted to kill and didn't care if he died and Dylan wanted to die and didn't care if he had to kill” sorta thing. But Eric did care about dying, but he knew that he had to do it because he wouldn't get away with it if he was caught by the police. Now, I'm not saying that he didn't feel suicidal at one point of his life. He even said on the police report it was one of his problems. But maybe he did see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. His anger was stronger than him though, and that's why he did what he did. Eric might have killed himself first because he wanted to end everything. He did what he had to do and just shot himself before he could regret anything.
So, this is my theory. It may have some holes in it and it's far from perfect because I only tried to analyze the Basement Tapes. So I want to know your opinion and if you want to add something to it.

icanmakeuhappy wrote:

I know this is a very asked question but I thought it would be interesting to talk about this.
On the transcripts of the Basement Tapes, we can notice Eric is very apologetic.
“I’m sorry I have so much rage, but you put it on me”
“(after talking about his parents) I really am sorry about all this”
“My parents are the best fucking parents I have ever known. My dad is great. I wish I was a fucking sociopath so I didn’t have any remorse, but I do. This is going to tear them apart. They will never forget it”
“To all you coolios out there still alive, sorry I hurt you or your friends”
“(referring to his Blackjack Pizza co-workers) You guys are very cool. Sorry, dudes. I had to do what I had to do”
“Yea . . . Everyone I love, I’m really sorry about all this. I know my mom and dad will be just like ... just fucking shocked beyond belief. I’m sorry, all right. I can’t help it [...] Susan, sorry. Under different circumstances it would’ve been a lot different. I want you to have that Fly CD. That’s it. Sorry. Goodbye”
Now, why was Eric saying sorry so much? On the Basement Tapes, he also bragged about lying and making you believe anything so I figured he may have been lying about being sorry but this doesn't make sense because in these tapes they were showing their “true selves”, so I doubt he was posturing and he was probably honest.
We also know Eric cried at one point when he said he wanted to visit some of his friends in Michigan.
For some reason, Eric seemed to regret in some way what was going to happen. It's interesting because Dylan only apologized to his parents on the last tape before the shooting. Because we don't have the tapes, we can't know if he apologized more to his friends and family, like Eric.
We know both guys were homicidal and suicidal, but I'm starting to think this last one may have not applied to Eric that much, compared to Dylan.
Why?
Because Eric probably had more desires to live than Dylan.
Dylan barely apologizes and doesn't care about anything else, because he knows he's going to die. On the last tape he talks about his own suicide, rather than the massacre itself. Eric, on the other hand, throughout the Basement Tapes talks about destruction and chaos but he doesn't focus that much on his suicide. He barely talks about it. But he also knows that what he's going to do is wrong, therefore he apologizes. So why does he carry on with doing the massacre even though he knows it's wrong? My theory it's because he was angry, just like Dylan. Dylan doesn't care that much because he would carry on with the shooting as long as he knows he will die doing it. But there are some points that show that Eric isn't as suicidal as Dylan. He probably wants to spend time with his parents because he loves them. He apologizes to his friends because he loves them. He wants to visit friends in Michigan. No matter how much he said he wanted everyone dead and wanted to exterminate mankind, Eric still loved people around him. Dylan doesn't care about people around him and just said sorry to his parents because they are the ones he still has some appreciation for. This theory follows the thing of “Eric wanted to kill and didn't care if he died and Dylan wanted to die and didn't care if he had to kill” sorta thing. But Eric did care about dying, but he knew that he had to do it because he wouldn't get away with it if he was caught by the police. Now, I'm not saying that he didn't feel suicidal at one point of his life. He even said on the police report it was one of his problems. But maybe he did see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. His anger was stronger than him though, and that's why he did what he did. Eric might have killed himself first because he wanted to end everything. He did what he had to do and just shot himself before he could regret anything.
So, this is my theory. It may have some holes in it and it's far from perfect because I only tried to analyze the Basement Tapes. So I want to know your opinion and if you want to add something to it.

As for Dylan, it is surprising when people still feel that he was the follower and the good one who was led astray considering he had no apologies into the end and just mentioned his mom, where as Eric kept talking about his guilt.

Without seeing the tapes we will really never know how Eric was acting, what his voice sounded like etc.. Also if the tapes were really 3 hours long, the transcripts we have are not complete.

I think while Eric had some depressive and suicidal tendencies they were not as strong as Dylan's. I feel like in a way Eric was crying out for help. He kept justifying his actions. So as time went on and he kept getting getting away with stuff (early termination from diversion, his father not questioning the phone call from Green Mountain Guns etc..) he was probably getting giddy about how deceitful he could be and then he got more motivated. He writes "THIS is what I am motivated to to, this is what I am meant to do" (paraphrasing)

I also think he separated himself from Reb... Reb was the one that was in the school that day. Eric loved his family, Eric wanted to see his old friends but Reb was a cold blooded bad ass who would stop at nothing to destroy the world. He really hated himself so much that he needed to take on a persona.

I don't know if Eric's apologies were genuine. He could have said it in a cavalier or snarky tone. Though Sue said in her book when she watched the goodbye video it was earnest. There was no trace of hate or anger.

Screamingophelia wrote:

Without seeing the tapes we will really never know how Eric was acting, what his voice sounded like etc.. Also if the tapes were really 3 hours long, the transcripts we have are not complete.

You're right. That's why I mentioned we don't know if Dylan apologized more to family and friends because we don't have the full material.
I'm also interested on the case of Elliot Rodger and he left a 140 page manifesto where he explained everything, we also have his vlogs, so it's easy to understand what happened to him. In Eric and Dylan's case, we don't have the tapes, which I think might be something like their manifesto so it's like the missing piece of the puzzle. We have the journals but they explain the what rather than the how.

Screamingophelia wrote:

I don't know if Eric's apologies were genuine. He could have said it in a cavalier or snarky tone. Though Sue said in her book when she watched the goodbye video it was earnest. There was no trace of hate or anger.

I can't think of a reason why would he lie about being sorry. Maybe he wanted to confuse people but idk really.
This is also why I find all of this so interesting. In other shootings, the perpetrators leave a final message with something like "so today is the day in which I will kill all of you yadda yadda yadda". I saw Elliot's retribution video and he never says sorry, Nikolas Cruz never said sorry, yet Eric and Dylan's last video was meant as a goodbye to family and friends and to apologize.

One of his personalities was Canadian.

Reb and Eric were different people. Reb was a different personality than Eric. I think Eric genuinely felt remorse for his homicidal thoughts and anger. Eric used Reb as his outlet for such.

W.A.R. wrote:

One of his personalities was Canadian.

Having several Canadian friends

If you believe Cullen and Fuselier, all the apologies were classic, calculated psychopathic behavior.
Yeah, I think that's bullshit, too.

I believe that Dylan was so far gone he was only thinking about himself. He was awash in his own pain and NBK was his escape. Towards the end, I don't think he had much feeling for anyone anymore, I think he just wanted out.
Eric hated himself, too, and he wanted to punish mankind for whatever wrongs he perceived they were guilty of. It's almost as though he felt like he "had" to do this horrible thing but he knew it would bring his family and loved ones a lot of heartache and he was genuinely remorseful about that.

thelmar wrote:

W.A.R. wrote:

One of his personalities was Canadian.

Having several Canadian friends

If you believe Cullen and Fuselier, all the apologies were classic, calculated psychopathic behavior.
Yeah, I think that's bullshit, too.

I believe that Dylan was so far gone he was only thinking about himself. He was awash in his own pain and NBK was his escape. Towards the end, I don't think he had much feeling for anyone anymore, I think he just wanted out.
Eric hated himself, too, and he wanted to punish mankind for whatever wrongs he perceived they were guilty of. It's almost as though he felt like he "had" to do this horrible thing but he knew it would bring his family and loved ones a lot of heartache and he was genuinely remorseful about that.

I agree. It's almost like Eric had to commit the shooting. Maybe the Reb side of him was too strong. That personality couldn't be controlled and he felt like he had to go through with it.

icanmakeuhappy wrote:

I can't think of a reason why would he lie about being sorry. Maybe he wanted to confuse people but idk really.

Presumably to elicit sympathy from the audience. I don't buy that explanation, I think he was genuine about his apologies, but I'm just throwing the possibility out there.

You think Eric could've had DID? Dissociative Identity Disorder.

bradt93 wrote:

You think Eric could've had DID? Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Now IDK about everyone else but I for one don't think "Reb" and Eric Harris were two different people. "Reb" is just Eric's way of showing the world who the real Eric is (or has become).

I think people are seeing way too much into a dumb nickname Eric chose for gaming on the internet.

Yeah, really people? I say Eric apologized so much because he's trying to present the best version of himself--which either didn't really exist, or he did nothing to put a better version of himself out there into the real world where it could be of use to the rest of the human race. He's trying to say "I know what you're thinking," so he throws out bullshit apologies before he says/does whatever. As if that makes him look smarter, or more self-aware, or saintly, or persecuted, or anything. But it was teenage bullshit, the precursor to an adult saying "I'm not racist, but black people suck!" "I apologize for the horrible thing I'm about to commit" = "I'm hypocritical before I've even acted." And to that I can only say, fuck him.

And fuck Dyldo too, because Dyldo could have stopped all this and didn't.

My personal theory is that Eric was raised in a military family, by a father who was military and raised in a military family, and so on... I believe that his father most likely demanded perfection in all aspects, including appearances (for example, disposing of pipe bombs rather than alerting authorities), and I believe that he likely faced what would feel like nonstop criticism at home. Obviously, we can't know for sure about anything regarding his home life and his parents, but his father strikes me as very rigid and unable to tolerate anything that doesn't match his ideals, and his mother probably mostly just went with whatever his father said and did. For example, his parents did not pick up any of his belongings, nor did they collect his ashes as far as I know. I think that his father felt the need to just kind of rub his name off of the family tree.

Having said all of that, my belief is that Eric was used to apologizing for breathing, and that even when it came to doing something so horrible and heartless, part of him couldn't let go of the need to be the perfect son. I think that apologizing was second nature to him, so ingrained that even when Eric and Dylan seemed to lose whoever they once were, they still knew it was wrong, and that little apology reflex just kicked in without any thought. Irrationally, despite knowing what he was going to do, Eric always had the need to play the part of perfect son.

Anyway, just my thoughts on this.

seether wrote:

My personal theory is that Eric was raised in a military family, by a father who was military and raised in a military family, and so on...  I believe that his father most likely demanded perfection in all aspects, including appearances (for example, disposing of pipe bombs rather than alerting authorities), and I believe that he likely faced what would feel like nonstop criticism at home.  Obviously, we can't know for sure about anything regarding his home life and his parents, but his father strikes me as very rigid and unable to tolerate anything that doesn't match his ideals, and his mother probably mostly just went with whatever his father said and did.  For example, his parents did not pick up any of his belongings, nor did they collect his ashes as far as I know.  I think that his father felt the need to just kind of rub his name off of the family tree.

Having said all of that, my belief is that Eric was used to apologizing for breathing, and that even when it came to doing something so horrible and heartless, part of him couldn't let go of the need to be the perfect son.  I think that apologizing was second nature to him, so ingrained that even when Eric and Dylan seemed to lose whoever they once were, they still knew it was wrong, and that little apology reflex just kicked in without any thought.  Irrationally, despite knowing what he was going to do, Eric always had the need to play the part of perfect son.

Anyway, just my thoughts on this.

I never thought about that. That's a good theory. It would be interesting to know how his family influenced his thoughts and behaviors. I really doubt they were bad parents, though. Eric himself says that they were great parents