Sue Klebold's Decision to Speak Publicly

It took Sue many years to speak publicly about Columbine. The reaction I have seen for her regarding her book, TED Talk, and numerous interviews/speaking engagements seems to be pretty positive overall. I'm sure there will always be backlash, but do you think she is glad she decided to speak publicly? Do you think she wishes she did it sooner? I wonder if it's been helpful for her grieving process.

If she did sooner, I think it would have been a mistake.
She couldn't have picked a better time to come out.
It's been long enough for it to not be as hot of a issue as it was back then, but still pretty relevant.
Not to mention all the sympathy the boys got from a lot of people over the years, Klebolds especially.

Maybe her divorce is what made her feel like she can talk about it more. Sharing her unique perspective instead of the family's.

I've often wondered if Sue's decision to speak publicly/ release her book were the straw that broke the camels back in her marriage to Tom.

Regarding her divorce, I think she mentioned in her book that both Tom and Byron disagreed with her decision to talk about Columbine, which may have been a big factor in their separation. I know it's selfish, but I am so glad she did. We now have a much better look at Dylan's childhood and high school years thanks to her. If only the Harris's would speak about Eric. Sadly, I don't think it will ever happen.

ETA: I wonder what her relationship is like with Byron today.

Do we know when they divorced exactly?
As far as I know, they all keep in touch and have a good relationship, at least her and Byron.

According to another thread on here, they married in 1971. So they must have divorced in 2010 or earlier (the Diane Sawyer special said they divorced after over 30 years of marriage)

Littlelo wrote:

According to another thread on here, they married in 1971. So they must have divorced in 2010 or earlier (the Diane Sawyer special said they divorced after over 30 years of marriage)

You'd think they would all want to stay together after such a traumatic event.

TheSpiral wrote:

Littlelo wrote:

According to another thread on here, they married in 1971. So they must have divorced in 2010 or earlier (the Diane Sawyer special said they divorced after over 30 years of marriage)

You'd think they would all want to stay together after such a traumatic event.

I think I heard somewhere Sue said they needed to end their marriage to save their friendship. I doubt very much they have cut off all communication. It's very sad to think they would probably still be happily married had the massacre never happened

Littlelo wrote:

TheSpiral wrote:

Littlelo wrote:

According to another thread on here, they married in 1971. So they must have divorced in 2010 or earlier (the Diane Sawyer special said they divorced after over 30 years of marriage)

You'd think they would all want to stay together after such a traumatic event.

I think I heard somewhere Sue said they needed to end their marriage to save their friendship. I doubt very much they have cut off all communication. It's very sad to think they would probably still be happily married had the massacre never happened

Makes you hate Dylan and Eric that little bit more, huh?

Draw_It_White wrote:

Littlelo wrote:

TheSpiral wrote:

Littlelo wrote:

According to another thread on here, they married in 1971. So they must have divorced in 2010 or earlier (the Diane Sawyer special said they divorced after over 30 years of marriage)

You'd think they would all want to stay together after such a traumatic event.

I think I heard somewhere Sue said they needed to end their marriage to save their friendship. I doubt very much they have cut off all communication. It's very sad to think they would probably still be happily married had the massacre never happened

Makes you hate Dylan and Eric that little bit more, huh?

I personally don't believe Dylan was thinking about any of these types of repercussions when he was planning the attack. He was severely depressed and suicidal and truly thought the world would be better without him. Not sure about Eric. I know it's cliche to paint Eric as the evil mastermind and Dylan as the sad kid who got roped into it through a controlling friendship. They both did terrible things and there is no excuse.

They will have thought about that sort of thing, I've no doubt in my mind. It'll have kept them awake at night.

If there is such a place as hell I hope Dylan is looking up and sees what he's done to his parents.

Sue said they grew apart after grieving differently. I think personally that Sue may have taken a more logical approach to the grieving than Tom did. Sue seems to be a very logical type of person. She does have an emotional side for sure but she seems to try to put her logic in front of it. Finding the reasonings for things first. That may have been a hard thing to deal with at the time

Lizpuff wrote:

Sue said they grew apart after grieving differently.  I think personally that Sue may have taken a more logical approach to the grieving than Tom did.  Sue seems to be a very logical type of person.  She does have an emotional side for sure but she seems to try to put her logic in front of it.  Finding the reasonings for things first.  That may have been a hard thing to deal with at the time

I agree. She looks at it as giving back and spreading a message about mental health and suicide prevention. She obviously feels a ton of guilt for what Dylan did, and wants to create at least something positive out of such a negative experience.

-

Littlelo wrote:

Draw_It_White wrote:

Littlelo wrote:

TheSpiral wrote:

Littlelo wrote:

According to another thread on here, they married in 1971. So they must have divorced in 2010 or earlier (the Diane Sawyer special said they divorced after over 30 years of marriage)

You'd think they would all want to stay together after such a traumatic event.

I think I heard somewhere Sue said they needed to end their marriage to save their friendship. I doubt very much they have cut off all communication. It's very sad to think they would probably still be happily married had the massacre never happened

Makes you hate Dylan and Eric that little bit more, huh?

I personally don't believe Dylan was thinking about any of these types of repercussions when he was planning the attack. He was severely depressed and suicidal and truly thought the world would be better without him. Not sure about Eric. I know it's cliche to paint Eric as the evil mastermind and Dylan as the sad kid who got roped into it through a controlling friendship. They both did terrible things and there is no excuse.

I agree that E&D didn't factor in the repercussions, at least not to the level that took place. Too young and selfish to comprehend the true potential is my guess.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]: On the same page in terms of what this meant for Sue Klebold personally and how she was able to express herself in a way that Tom and the Harris' are not able to.

Sue is not the norm, very brave woman who found a mutually beneficial solution to her own struggles as well as providing valuable insight and development into understanding mental illness and recognition as a parent.

I never blamed Sue or Tom, but didn't exactly give them a hall pass either. To current I can say that I have the utmost respect for Sue and her strength.

I wonder if Sue Klebold has contacted Lori Ann Stair, Randy Stair's mother. It wouldn't surprise me if she did try to contact her and offer support.

spinvault wrote:

I wonder if Sue Klebold has contacted Lori Ann Stair, Randy Stair's mother. It wouldn't surprise me if she did try to contact her and offer support.

I'd be interested to know who she has contacted or who has reached out to her over the years, but I'm sure it's kept pretty private.

imagine your child becoming famous for being a mass shooter. Looking for someone to talk to (when you're ready to) who can actually offer advice/insight from personal experience must be nearly impossible. Sue claims the first time she tried to talk to a therapist after Columbine, they apologized and told her it was just too much for them and they didn't think they could properly help her.

This is why it's a shame the Harris's and Klebold's aren't closer- only they truly understand what the other family has been through. I can only assume Sue's decision to speak publicly has not helped their relationship.

I have conflicting opinions on whether or not they knew what it would do to their parents. With Eric, he said things like his parents would be devastated and shocked and hurt by what he was going to do. On the other hand, he also believed that if he stopped hanging out and spending time with his parents that it would prevent them from bonding any further with him and it would make it easier for them to move on and forget about him.

So he knew he was going to hurt them but he also thought they'd just forget about him or not miss him as much because he didn't spend a lot of time with them in the end. And that way of thinking is definitely how someone young like that would think. Dylan too thought that his parents hated him and were disappointed in/never proud of him. You know, how most teenagers feel about their parents. Look at Randy, even at the age he was at, he took his Father trying to motivate him to get a decent job and start his own life was his Father hating on and humiliating him.

I think the comment Eric made about not bonding with his parents was directed towards himself.
"So it won't be harder to do" he says, making it easier for him, not them.

Jenn wrote:

I have conflicting opinions on whether or not they knew what it would do to their parents. With Eric, he said things like his parents would be devastated and shocked and hurt by what he was going to do. On the other hand, he also believed that if he stopped hanging out and spending time with his parents that it would prevent them from bonding any further with him and it would make it easier for them to move on and forget about him.

So he knew he was going to hurt them but he also thought they'd just forget about him or not miss him as much because he didn't spend a lot of time with them in the end. And that way of thinking is definitely how someone young like that would think. Dylan too thought that his parents hated him and were disappointed in/never proud of him. You know, how most teenagers feel about their parents. Look at Randy, even at the age he was at, he took his Father trying to motivate him to get a decent job and start his own life was his Father hating on and humiliating him.

It's so interesting to see the similarities and differences between E&D and Randy Stair (also weird last name coincidence with Joe/Amanda Stair). All three seem to have felt that they disappointed their parents or didn't fit in with their families. Dylan and Eric were both bright and I'm sure if they had gotten help early enough they could have become successful in life. Randy Stair said he always felt he was stuck in his teenage years and seemed to lack motivation to get a full time job and move out. I truly think if Dylan had been treated for his depression and any other mental issues he had, he could have excelled in college and had a good relationship with his parents.

Littlelo wrote:

TheSpiral wrote:

Littlelo wrote:

According to another thread on here, they married in 1971. So they must have divorced in 2010 or earlier (the Diane Sawyer special said they divorced after over 30 years of marriage)

You'd think they would all want to stay together after such a traumatic event.

I think I heard somewhere Sue said they needed to end their marriage to save their friendship. I doubt very much they have cut off all communication. It's very sad to think they would probably still be happily married had the massacre never happened

AFAIK about 70% of marriages get divorced after a child's death. Can't imagine what something like this would do to a relationship...

Sue is a very brave woman. I deeply respect her and feel so bad for her. She has gone through a lot. As she said in her book, she and Tom grieved differently. He couldn't understand her need to talk about the massacre. It is so sad they had to end their marriage.

I think Sue Klebold was incredibly brave to talk about everything as openly as she has. I think it's very easy for "monsters to live in the dark" so to speak but by her speaking out she makes her son a 3 dimensional person rather than just who he was, or at least who he portrayed, in his role in the massacre.

I think it's easy to right off Eric and Dylan as lost causes, monsters. What they did was truly horrific and monstrous but that wasn't who they were. They were also sons, brothers, friends and potentially with the right intervention the massacre could have been prevented and they could have gotten help.

She is using her voice and money raised to help other with mental health issues. I deeply respect that. I'm not sure in her shoes I could be so brave.

I hate to think the Harris' have believed some of the stuff from early days after the massacre saying that Eric was simply a lost cause. I don't believe that. Neither of them were I think with the right intervention of course.

"When Dylan was feeling suicidal, Eric was feeling homicidal."

Quote from Sue. Thoughts?

SaucyJimmy wrote:

I honestly think that Nancy Lanza got off easy when Adam shot her. It is worse having to live, like Sue, with the knowledge that your child was a murderer.

I always thought that if I were in their shoes, I'd have killed my family first. Because living life in such agony like Sue Klebold has is so much worse than death itself. You can tell them it's not their fault and that they couldn't have done anything, but it will always become part of who they are and what they lost and caused.

Not everyone is a fan of Sue's book as she makes a great effort to put most of the blame on Eric and pretty much accuses him of deliberately taking advantage of Dylan's depression and confusion to lead him astray.
This is a theme she empathizes again and again.